Lay Your Burdens Down
by yoyo926
Summary: In an AU, Severus Snape has survived the war, but suffers in the aftermath. He shuts himself off from the wizarding community, preferring to exist on the fringes of the Muggle world, until meets the sister of a Muggle-born wizard.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I have aged the time period 10 years in which the Harry Potter stories take place to more closely correspond with the time in which the movies were released. For example instead of Harry starting school in 1991 he would have started in 2001. Likewise Deathly Hallows in this story takes place roughly in 2008 not 1998. The M ratings is for later chapters.

All characters except those I created, of course belong to J.K. Rowling.

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><p>1 Chance meeting<p>

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><p>On an almost empty street, Severus Snape sees a pretty black Muggle headed his way apparently talking to herself. He mumbled to himself as she approached, ''Muggles and their strange ways.''<p>

Getting off her mobile phone, her mind a million miles away, Jennifer almost ran into the oddly dressed man. He was clothed from head to toe in all black wearing some sort of medieval looking costume, complete with cape.

Now seeing who he was and without thinking she uttered, "excuse me Professor Snape.'' After she had uttered the words she realized her mistake and tried to walk away as fast as possible, praying he hadn't heard her. He spun around without missing a beat and she suddenly felt as if she was bound by rope while being simultaneously turned around with a forceful jerk.

"WHO ARE YOU? HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?'' His wand in hand, he pointed it a few inches from her face.

She was utterly terrified and mumbled, ''I'm sorry I didn't mean to.''

'' WHO ARE YOU?''

''My brother told me who you were. Please don't kill me, PLEASE!'' She was begging and sobbing, ''I won't tell anyone I saw you, please don't hurt me.''

''Who sent you?''

''No one''

''Don't lie to me!''

Her voice was almost in a whisper again, ''no one sent me.''

He couldn't make out the rest of what she was saying she was almost impossible to understand now. Her frantic rambling was offering little in the way of an, explanation. Using his limited ability to correctly use Legilimency he tried to glimpse her actions just before she past him. Her heightened fear was all-consuming and made it almost impossible to obtain any useful memories. He could see a replay of himself shouting at her and only a few vague memories. He was able to clearly see her hugging what appeared to be an older Muggle women and getting on an airplane. Still unable to tell if she was a Muggle, Squib, or Witch he continued to probe her mind. He saw a young man who looked similar enough in features to her to indicate a close blood relation and he was apparating in and out of a room with her looking proud clapping enthusiastically. He saw her at about age 8 playing with some muggle toys along side one or two low level but clearly magical ones. He then saw an older man who he assumed was her father telling her to put them in a small locked wardrobe before he let another child inside the room. He looked are her clothes and heard her trembling and barely coherent babbling and unfroze her.

Stepping closer he stared at her with those black penetrating eyes and she started backing away all the while stammering. ''please don't kill me I won't tell anyone.''

Her breathing steadily increased and she was shaking so hard she tripped and fell backwards. Her heart was racing and she felt as if she couldn't catch her breath.

Severus saw this pitiful woman before him and decided to put his wand away. He listened as she continued to mutter some gibberish about her magical brother thought she is obviously terrified of me. Nothing but a harmless Muggle and apparently the sister of a Muggle-born wizard. The commotion was starting to get the attention of some people walking by so he waved the people off telling them ''she just fell.''

They seemed satisfied that the woman was in good hands and quickly moved on. She was beginning to hyperventilate so he bent down putting one hand on her shoulder, trying to relax her. In all her 33 years of living she couldn't remember ever being this afraid for her life. Before she knew it her bladder gave way and she felt warm liquid running down her legs.

His repugnance showed on his face as he now detected the unmistakable stench of urine. ''You need to calm down,'' he said in a matter of fact way ignoring that she was now in her own filth. She appeared to be having a panic attack of some sorts. He'd seen some of his more anxiety prone students have these during exams. Normally he ignored them or sent them to Madam Pomfrey but since neither of those options were available he decided on a different approach. In a very stern tone he said, ''just concentrate on breathing in and out.''

Instead of doing this she turned her head and vomited on the pavement.

Giving her his handkerchief to wipe her mouth, he tried to reassure her again by speaking softly, "I'm not going to hurt you.''

Jennifer's heart still felt like someone had grabbed it with a hard squeeze but gradually she did slow her breathing and calm down. For the first time she thought he might not kill her after all. He was more annoyed than genuinely concerned about her. He thought to himself, if she parishes on the street in my presence there would surely be an investigation. Another suspicious death attributed to Severus Snape, he could envision the headline now. A witch or squib was one thing, but a Muggle would be an entirely different matter.

He helped her stand up,''are you alright?''

''Yes, I think so.''

He picked up the bag she dropped and guided her to a bench, "do you live very far?"

She shook her head yes afraid to speak anymore than was necessary.

''In which direction?''

She pointed and he was quickly losing his patience. ''Are you incapable of speaking? Where do live?''

''Just a few blocks away'' Under the same breath she uttered, ''thank you...for not killing me."

He spat out indignantly,''I wasn't going to kill you and waste my time on a Muggle.''

She didn't react to being called a Muggle, but he wasn't certain if she was actually familiar with the word, or just too afraid to say otherwise. Still looking into her terrified face he softened. "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just need to find out how you knew my name. I'll walk you home. You barley look like you can make it.''

''You don't need, to I'm fine."

''Never the less, it would be irresponsible to neglect basic precautions.''

They walked in silence for a few minutes,'' your brother told you about me, is that correct?''

''Yes'' She was still shaking but tried to hide it. She tried to walk as far away from him as possible because even she could smell herself now.

For the first time he noticed her American accent.

"What's his name? I don't remember meeting him.'' He wanted to catch her in a lie if she were doing so, as he only remembered meeting a handful of American wizards, all of whom he detested and none of them were black.

''He just moved here about two years ago.'' She was hoping to change the subject but he was back like a flash.

''Where is this brother of yours?''

Answering much to fast to be believable she exclaimed, ''he's away.''

Smirking, ''he left you _here?_ Alone with a dangerous Muggle killing professor on the loose just a stones throw away?"

They were now standing in front her building and not knowing what else to say she blurted out, ''well I'm here now'' and tried to run up the stairs wanting to rid herself of him as soon as possible.

''Not so fast'' he said catching hold of her elbow before she could leave. Her heart sped up again and her shaking was obvious even to him.

She slowly turned around, ''look, he pointed you out to me so I could avoid you.'' She then went up the 5 or 6 steps and once a safe distance away she turned to face him again.

He went to take a step up but changed his mind and with a slight smirk, ''as it stands you haven't followed his instructions very well have you."

''No I guess not''

''It's appalling the way you Americans feel the need to casually violate our most sacred laws.''

He knew he should be saying this to her brother but she would suffice. He held American Wizards in the lowest regard. Their informality and seemingly endless fascination with Muggles left little to admire. He turned around and walked away without so much as glancing in her direction. Jennifer stood just inside the door trying to calm down. She thought she either just narrowly escaped certain death or her brother Charles had gotten that man all wrong. He was surly and condescending but otherwise made no real attempt to hurt anything other than her feelings. She took a shower so ashamed that she'd wet herself in front of a perfect stranger.

She thought of contacting her brother but changed her mind thinking he would be upset about her careless mistake and didn't want to hear his voice right with her head still spinning. ''God I'm too old for this'' she said to herself, ''nothing is more pathetic than drinking too much and making a fool of yourself.'' Still needing some kind of comfort, she called her mother back in Norfolk on the pretense of being homesick.

* * *

><p>''Hi Mama, how are you and Daddy?"<p>

''We're fine, I just wish you kids, were home. Where is your brother?

''He's working, mama."

''Jennifer Diedra Nelson, you don't have to cover for him. Why does he keep leaving you all alone? You know I worry about you.''

''I'm fine mama, he's in France, with his new lady. He'll be popping in sometime tonight or tomorrow I guess.''

''And you aren't bothering anyone?''

''No''

''You know you have a temper, you can't be overseas acting the way you do here.''

''Mama I haven't been messing with anyone.''

''Good, and you make sure you stay away from his strange magical things, they aren't toys you know. They can be dangerous, you remember what happened that one time.''

''Alright, mama I need to go.'' Jennifer rolls her eyes at her mother's warnings.

''Ok, I'll talk to you later sweety.''

After reassuring her mother she wasn't messing with any of his things she got off the phone. If her brother had and strange objects she couldn't tell. He had several cups and plates that automatically refilled themselves and a talking full length mirror that gave excellent advise but other than that it was pretty average. Her whole family used a few magical things even though it was against the rules. There were certain things they just couldn't live without. She hadn't given it much thought since she had essentially grown up with these harmless things. They each held a small amount of self contain magic even muggles could use.

You would think having a brother who could perform magic had made Jennifer's life interesting but it was fairly average one she thought. In the beginning when he came home from school he used to spend hours trying to get her to do the simple tricks he had learned because he thought she only needed practice. Their parents explained to her, that her brother was more or less a fluke and was born to do magic. He would need to go to a special school to learn to control it so he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone else. She and her parents were the only ones that knew his secret. Her parents told the rest of the family he was at some type of military school and they shouldn't ask him questions about it. Perhaps they thought no one would believe he had won a scholarship to a boarding school as Charles wasn't the best behaved child. Their extended family and friends thought the school gave him discipline and order when his behavior had improved so dramatically. He later told her their parents threatened to withdraw him from school if he misbehaved so he had no real choice. Over the years she became less interested in his outside magic life as it didn't seem exciting to her. The magic he could do became mundane while she was still an adolescent and only being of interest when it was useful to her.

* * *

><p>After apparating back home to Spinners End Severus ate a simple meal and continued his earlier search for a book. He quickly forgot about his strange Muggle run in. Though it had been a year since the battle at Hogwarts, he was still recovering. The healer had told him he simply needed time, but he figured there was a potion or charm or something that could aid his recovery and bring back his magic. He'd been methodically searching for weeks now thinking he had overlooked something. He hasn't been able to brew even he simplest potions since he was bitten. His hands would shake and he was no longer able to fully concentration on the delicate task. He'd spent his entire adult live desiring to teach defense against the dark arts but he no longer cared enough to teach it.<p>

Reflecting on the past year, he had received offers to teach at Drumstrang and Australia as well as an offer to write a book. Hogwarts had sustained heavy damage during the battle and a small portion hence forth would always remain in ruin as a tribute to those who fell. The following term, the school remained open but most parents opted to keep their children home for the entire school year. Those few that attended this term were taught by a few professors as the rest had elected to take leave along with most of the students. As the acting headmistress who took over after he fled, McGonagall agreed that in general the students could benefit from the extended time away but she insisted the school needed to remain open for all those who wished to attend.

Severus now spent most of his days trying to work out various potions, practicing his defenses, and transforming simple objects while also working as a consultant for N.E.W.T Level exams. That slanderous Rita Seeker's book _Snape: Scoundrel or Saint?_ had just been released and had called into question his loyalty again. He still received the occasionally angry owl upset that he'd escaped Azkaban but nothing more serious than that. It was bad enough that the entire wizarding world was made aware of some of his most private memories thanks to Potter's big mouth so he didn't need a book fabricating lies about the rest.

Thinking himself on the verge of death after Nagini's bite, he had released his memories to Harry Potter. He was secure in the knowledge that Potter would understand his true motivations all these long years and be able to defeat the Dark Lord. He showed him those things that he couldn't bring himself to reveal during the final years of his life. It's true that your life flashes before your eyes as you approach death but he didn't die. He laid there feeling a suffocating black cloud engulfing him, then it gradually retreated and he woke up in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies. He was found barely alive by Potter who came back to retrieve his body. The bezoar soaked in phoenix tears, he carried had saved him. He had just enough time to swallow it before the poison spread slowing its effect. He'd taken to carrying the bezoar and using various protection charms after he was appointed headmaster because it was a very real possibility one of his colleagues would try to harm him. He'd lain in St. Mungo's for a solid two months going in and out of consciousness. He faintly heard snatches of conversation, recognizing the voices of Potter, McGonagall and even Hagrid. The beazor slowed the poison but the healers assured him should have died and was lucky his mental facilities were still in place.

He spent another four months unhappily convalescing and wishing he hadn't released those memories at all. The staff thought it would do him some good to interact with his former colleague and allowed Gildroy Lockheart a few visits. Lockheart who thought himself a healer, paid him several visits using a plain stick he though was his wand and tried to heal him. Losing one's mind is such a terrible fate even for Lockheart, so he permitted his presence out of pity. This was one of the new emotions he now found himself capable of expressing. The worst part was Potter. Much to Severus' irritation Potter insisted on visiting him in the hospital for weeks after he awoke. His memories about the Dumbledore's most difficult request were stored in the Ministry of Magic but Potter had personally shown them to the remaining Order members to make sure his name was no longer disparaged.

Although Harry no longer hated the man for killing Professor Dumbledore, he still couldn't say he _liked_ the man. The war had matured him, but Harry could have sworn Snape hated him only slightly less than he had in the past. Sitting alone in the hospital, Snape no longer looked like the fearsome professor he once knew. Each time Harry visited the two of them merely sat there in awkward silence unless he had a message from Hermione about one of her lessons. Severus did at least admire the little know it all for continuing her education after all of this. She'd been one of only three 7th years to return to finish their schooling, and she routinely sent him owls about his former subjects. Each time he sent her a reply, he sent it with a howler telling her not to disturb him again. Sadly it never worked and her next message was usually a parchment longer than the previous one.

The poison combined with the releasing of so many memories at one time had weakened him. The healer said his difficultly remained psychological, not physical but Severus had other ideas. The acting Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt allowed him to remain at St. Mungo's while on trial and stationed Aurors there for both his protection and his confinement. The trial was essentially a formality and he was found innocent of Dumbledore's murder and various other crimes. Most of the Dark Lords most dangerous followers had been killed or were imprisoned for long lengths while the rest fled the country and went into hiding. Unfortunately the Malfoys weren't on that list. They surprised everyone by refusing to leave. The ministry decided that striping them of their wealth to pay for the repairs to Hogwarts would be of more use. Lucius only served about nine months while Draco and Narcissa were not deemed a reasonable future threat and didn't stand trial at all. The ministry had changed staff, but wealth still had its privileges. They were levied huge fines and their only wealth was now their home and little else. They had to sell most of their extravagant furnishings to pay the large fine and thought this more shameful than Lucius' sentence.

After all of this, Severus simply wanted to put it all behind him. Once the gossip died down most people found themselves firmly in one of three camps. They believed once a deatheater always one he and got off easy. There were those that trusted his story completely as they trusted Dumbledore. The majority fell someone in between, believing elements of both. Those small number that personally knew him seemed concerned about his welfare but since he'd never cultivated any type of friendly relationships he saw no need to spend anymore time with them since his mission was now over.

Turning back to his search for the healing book and leaving his past year's memory behind, he finds it but picks up another on the shelf. Next to it is a book on international wizarding history. Flipping to a brief section on America, he finds it woefully out of date only mentioning that the wizarding world and the Muggle world are much more closely intertwined than European countries. His thoughts once more turned to the woman he ran into today. Only an American would have the gall to tell a Muggle about him even if she was his sister. Her reaction to meeting him was perplexing and she'd piqued his curiosity. He had presumed that he was the only wizard in the area and hated the though of others knowing his residence. Strangely he actually felt somewhat disappointed that some death eater sympathizer hadn't finally taken notice and come to finish him off for good. This skewed logic was a constantly thought he couldn't escape because he no longer had a purpose.


	2. Chapter 2

2 Unexpected visit

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><p>The following morning Severus was curious about this stranger and found himself standing across the way from her flat hoping she hadn't left for the day. He wanted to find out what she knew and felt he ought to at least make sure she was wasn't ill. Her health shouldn't affect the memory charm he planned on using but with his magic so erratic right now it just might. Shacklebolt had warned him that if he stepped out of line in the slightest, he couldn't protect him and the ministry would be forced to come down hard. Although exonerated, there were those who distrusted the man who killed Dumbledore and would relish an opportunity to find him guilty of something.<p>

Hearing a knock at the door, who could that be? I hope it's not Mrs Boswell again Jennifer said to herself.

''Good morning what a... uh surprise,'' she said wondering why he was there. She was still embarrassed by her actions last night. Maybe it was the horror movie she'd just came from that sacred her so much yesterday or maybe the phone call from her ex that caused her to drink two pints that left her rattled. She felt safe in the small village, and didn't think anything of walking home alone. Professor Snape certainly didn't look scary now, odd but not scary.

He was dressed strangely again in all black again in some type of cape that came almost to the floor under that he had on black trousers and a black shirt that matched his hair and eyes. Last night she hadn't had time to fully take in the way he looked. He was very pale and his hair looked like he shampooed it in oil.

''I trust you are well this morning'' he said as he looking her up and down with dismay.

It was exceptionally warm so she wore a tank top and exercise shorts that came only to her upper thigh. Jennifer hadn't intended on leaving the house today and certainly hadn't expected a visitor.

''I hope I didn't interrupt your last moments of getting dressed. Do you need a moment to gather some proper attire?''

''No, I was just working,'' Jennifer suddenly feeling near naked under his piercing eyes and awkwardly shifted from one foot to another not quite sure how to respond.

''When your brother returns I wish to speak with him directly. I assume you are capable of passing that along.''

''Ah...okay I'll let him know when he gets back. Thanks for stopping by.'' She started to shut the door but he stopped her.

''I also came to inquire of you welfare being that you are essentially alone here.'' Severus looked inside the flat, turning up his nose at the Muggle decor. A useless charm attempted to protect the flat from any unwelcome intrusion. It was clearly the work of a lazy or ineffective wizard.

''Is that the reason you're slinking around the streets all dressed up?" She said with amusement and laughing at her own attempt at a nervous joke.

This Muggle is laughing at me. The nerve she has, he thought.

''I'm Jennifer Nelson by the way,'' she extended her hand to shake but he instead just stares at her. Feeling slighted she intentionally holds it there anyway until he obliges and shakes it.

'' ...Severus" he said

It's softer than she expected and held it longer than was necessary.

''Considering that less than 24 hours ago you were so frightened you soiled yourself and begged me to spare your life you certainly are cheeky this morning _Miss Nelson_.''

Dropping his hand with a dumbfounded look, this brought a small smirk to his face and he was satisfied he'd gotten his point across.

''I...I thought I was going to die. My life even flashed before my eyes.'' She tried to explain her fright yesterday as she stumbled over her words.

''Be that as it may you've survived your _ordeal._''

''but normally-''

''No further explanation needed, _Miss Nelson _you are only a Muggle my expectations are quite low,'' he said curtly.

He put up his hand to stop her from speaking somewhat amused that she had mistaken him scrolling though her memories for a so-called near death experience.

Surprised even at himself, ''have you eaten breakfast?"

"No, I was just trying to finish up some work before I ate.''

''Then perhaps you would care to join me.''

She wasn't sure how to answer someone who just openly insulted you and then asked you to breakfast a few seconds later so she just stood there wondering if he was serious.

''I'll need a verbal answer at some point Miss Nelson I don't have all day.''

Catching her off guard she decided she could do with some fresh air,''sure just give me a few minutes.''

She left him at the door and ran back to change. Thinking to herself it would be nice to have someone else to talk to besides Charles' nosy neighbor Mrs Boswell. She'd only been in England for a little over a month and hadn't met anyone yet. After I acted like a scared child instead of a 33-year-old woman I'm surprised he even came here. She shook her head, god now I'm talking to myself. In hind site she guessed Charles was exaggerating a bit to scare her away, but last night she was sure she was going to die and now he looked harmless.

They silently walked several blocks to a small café. ''Is this sufficient?" he asked not waiting for her answer as he pushed open the door without bothering to hold it for her.

Their server Amanda, smiled as she remembers each of them from previous visits. Since it was apparent he wasn't going to speak first she tried to engage him in conversation.

''So you're a professor?''

He put down his fork and looked up from his plate, "I would think you obviously know the answer being that you referred to me as such just yesterday.''

Feeling like a complete idiot again, ''I meant what do you teach?''

''Then you should have asked that'' he said flatly. ''It wouldn't be appropriate to discuss the nature of my profession with you. "

"Fair enough, how long have you been teaching ?''

''Far too long"

''Which University do you teach at?"

''I don't''

''But you're a professor''

''I teach children and I cannot divulge the name of my school.''

''Oh, right sorry I didn't mean to pry... the whole secret magic thing, just making conversation. What grade- ah I don't know exactly what you would call it over here. What ages do you teach?''

''Eleven through eighteen''

''You don't see many men who love children enough to teach it's very admirable. Is that common here ...for... someone like you?''

"My students continuously amaze me with their complete lack of competence which is only secondary to their laziness and disrespectful manner. "

''Then why do you continue to do it?"

Giving her an inexplicable look as if the answer was plainly obvious "because it's what I do."

Not wishing to anger him further she goes back to her plate wondering why he invited her. Ast soon as he finished his last bite and as if starting in mid conversation,''why did your brother feel it necessity to tell you all about me, he shouldn't be taking such liberties."

''I think telling me all about you is an overstatement.''

''What exactly did he tell you?''

''That you do magic like he does and you're a professor.''

''Judging by your reaction last night he obviously told you more than that.'' It was clear he wasn't satisfied with her answers.

''He said English...uh people like him," she was flustered and suddenly unable to remember the proper term to use even though it had been a part of her vocabulary since she was a child.

''Wizards'' he finished for her.

''He said that English Wizards were very dangerous and hated people like me to the extent that they would kill me on site if they found out I knew of your existence.''

''And here you are still alive that's pure rubbish. You're weren't going to be summarily executed on sight.''

''I was suppose to visit last year but my trip was canceled because he said it was too dangerous.''

''It was unlikely you would have been harmed.'' Remembering the chaos of last year he wasn't entirely honest. If he had been in the same situation he would have warned her away also.

''Is that all he said?''

''Yes, he doesn't share that much of his magic life with us.''

''If you're lying to me I can make your life very difficult.''

Starting to feel threatened she wanted this conversation to be over quickly, ''that's all he said about you.''

''Did he tell anyone else about me being here?"

''I don't know''

''Very well,'' he said satisfied that she actually knew very little about him. She seemed to be telling the truth and had the amount of knowledge about magic you would expect from muggle relation. She was vaguely indifferent to this information, which indicated she'd grown used to it. He stood up and waited for her to do the same. Deciding it wasn't worth the risk given the state his magic was in, he changed his mind about using a memory charm on her. He didn't need a trip to the ministry should it go badly. He doubted he would see her again and paid the bill, leaving her at the door.

After seeing how he just left her standing there Amanda came over to her,''he's an arse, he comes in here every few weeks, barks out orders and acts like we don't exist otherwise.''

''Oh, I thought it was just me.''

Severus set about his business for the day, glad to be rid of his new neighbor.


	3. Chapter 3

**3 Hello neighbor**

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><p>Despite the fact that he normally enjoyed his solace it had been several months since he had an real conversation with someone other than a shoppe clerk. He had discovered that choosing to be alone in a castle full of people was quite different than actually being by oneself. Even the summer months involved some contact from Dumbledore or the last few years <em>The Order<em> or Death Eaters.

It was difficult admitting to himself that he was lonely, depressed and was quite possibility going to go mad if he spend anymore time alone. He hadn't been to Diagon Alley or any other wizarding establishment for some time and only would only leave the village if it were absolutly necessary. His recovery has been a humbling experience fracturing his self image leaving him too ashamed to venture beyond the borders of his village. Without the ability to do anything other than elementary magic he had no real reason to leave anyway. McGonagall regularly sent owls keeping him apprised of the goings on at Hogwarts and he was certain he saw her hanging around his garden once or twice in her animal form. They have never spoken of Dumbledore's death or his departure as headmaster as it remained unspoken that both were necessary for different reasons. When he first saw her in the hospital she asked him if he felt well enough to teach next term indicating as he suspected she had seen his memories as well.

* * *

><p>A few days after their breakfast out of boredom he decided to stop by Jennifer's flat again on his way to the Muggle grocer. Reflecting on his life it was ironic that he now sought the safely of a Muggle village he spent his childhood trying to escape from. Some time ago he'd added to the small cache of English Pounds he regularly kept and exchanged a larger portion of galleons for the muggle money. He found a quiet simplicity just sitting and observing the Muggles comings and goings as if he were a visitor in a zoo. He didn't for a moment believe Jennifer Nelson was his equal but she seemed open to receiving his company so he had no qualms about using her for some basic human contact even is she was just a Muggle. She was the perfect choice since he didn't have to censure his conversation about magic but she didn't have access to anyone he knew.<p>

Jennifer answered the door after a few seconds ''morning professor.''

''Severus'' he said unenthusiastically, ''only my those of my world need to refer to me as professor.''

''Good morning Severus.'' She was sure he meant this informality to be kind, but she couldn't help think he considered her unworthy of using his title.

His previous departure was so abrupt so she hadn't expected to see him again except maybe in passing.

Always straight to the point, "have you eaten?'' he asked.

''Actually I have a call that I have to take in a few minutes but it shouldn't last that long. Do you want to come in and wait?''

''Hasn't anyone every told you not to invite strangers into your home?''

''You had your chance to murder me when we first met, I think I'm safe.''

''Your brother has enchanted the flat, I can't enter. Another time then,'' he started to leave.

''Hold on, don't run off so fast it'll only be a 45 minute call so please wait.''

''I'll be back in an hour.''

''Good, I'll be here.''

Taking this time to replenish his ingredients, he Apparates to an out-of-the-way Apothecary shoppe. He'd ruined so many potions trying to regain his lost magic that he'd gone through a year's worth of ingredients over the course of a few months. He spent hours hunched over his cauldrons meticulously adding what was needed only to be rewarded with failure. Even the skill he valued least transfiguring, wouldn't work for him. His home was filled with useless half transformed items. It was truly a disgrace. He was recognized at the shoppe by its surly owner even though he'd gone out of his way to avoid a crowd of people. The ignorant proprietor hassled him and quoted _that _book basically calling him a murderer. He was so angry by the time he left the shoppe he headed straight home deciding to skip his meal with Miss Nelson.

When he returned home he then remembered why he originally left in the first place. His cupboards were bare save a few potatoes, stale bread and some dodgy smelling curry takeaway. His mind was so unfocused these days he'd nearly taken to writing down his daily task. Thoughts he used to easily keep organized were now a jumble of unconnected ideas that seemed to just float in his head. Several living and deceased healers had performed various examinations proclaiming him technically stable but all advised the same thing. He needed to relax so he could fully recuperate and only then would his magic be restored. The very idea of him just doing nothing seemed like a waste of time. After heading out once more to buy what he needed at the grocers he changed his mind again and decided to meet Jennifer hoping it would take his mind of his earlier troubles.

Listening to her colleagues discussing weekly reports was as boring as usual. Finally Jennifer got off the call and changed into something more suitable than her jeans. Taking longer than his initial estimation he arrived back on her doorstep two and a half hours later, she was waiting for him by the steps with her computer on her lap.

''Finally you came back.''

''Did I give you any indication otherwise,'' he said impatiently.

''No, but you are late.''

He didn't give her any reason for his late return or offer any sort of apology.

''Is that a book?''

''What?''

''That thing in your lap, I've seen other people with those. Is it a book?''

''No, it's a computer, it's a...well I'll explain it later.''

* * *

><p>Seated inside the restaurant, he was more relaxed this time ''Are you just passing through our country or permanently here to stay.''<p>

''I'm just visiting for a year.''

Only halfway listening to her, he'd lost interest in trying to converse ''is that so.''

''I'm lucky I can work from home, I work for a marketing company as a data analyst.''

''Which means?"

''It's hard to explain, I interpret reports.''

''How very fortunate for you, clearly you have an exciting career.''

''And yours is? You're a wizard and you're sitting in a restaurant with me during the middle of the day. I needed a change, so I came here for an extended visit.''

''One generally only makes dramatic changes after a major even'' Severus said, curious about why a single women would leave her home and come to the other side of the world just for a visit.

''My friend and I parted ways and I wanted to put some distance between us. Since I worked from home anyway I figured I'd just make the trip here and stay for a while.''

"Fascinating" he was clearly unwilling to hide how unimpressed he was.

Not missing his condescending tone, ''well we can't all spend our days sitting around thinking of snide comments to make now can we _Severus.'_'

Snapping back and for the first time clearly looking her in the eyes. ''Indeed thou I daresay you've underestimated your own skills.''

Aside from their first meeting he could see she wasn't the least bit intimidate by him. There were grown men that were afraid of him but since she didn't know any better all she saw before her was a rather rude but harmless man.

''I thought British men were suppose to be _polite?''_

He relaxed even more knowing she wasn't so easy to scare off, ''have you seen much of the town?''

''Yeah, pretty much it's not very big.''

Their conversation continued much the same way for the next hour mostly discussing her time in England so far.

* * *

><p>A couple of weeks later he set about his normal daily routine and became agitated deciding it was hopeless to continue this particular potion. It was already a complete failure. Jennifer was finishing up in some work glanced out the window and <em>he<em> was suddenly standing across the street.

Walking outside, ''good morning if I didn't know better I'd say you were stalking me.'' She had seen him a few times over the past few weeks each time he seemed to just appear out of nowhere.

Truthfully he was deciding whether to approach her flat or not when she came outside. Other than loneliness, he couldn't fully explain to himself why he kept returning to this woman. Surely it was because she knew nothing about him.

''Don't be absurd you have nothing I want, '' he said miffed by correct assessment of the situation.

''Just as friendly as ever Severus... what are you doing out here if you weren't waiting for me.''

''If you have a previous engagement I won't keep you.''

''No, just some work but it can wait. You know you don't have to just show up. You could call me.''

Raising an eyebrow,''you want me to do what now?"

"Call me ...you know telephone,'' making the universal sign with her hand. ''You don't know what that is do you?"

''I know what a telephone is Miss Nelson I'm not that ignorant of Muggle inventions, we have other means of communicating.''

''Like what?" She was toying with him, she knew how letters were received.

''By owl "

''You're joking?''

Seeing the serious look on his face. ''But we're the ones that are backwards, I don't even want to know what using an owl entails.'' She had seen some owls outside the flat but never made the connection between the letters her brother received and didn't care enough to ask. Since she knew for a fact that the wizards in the U.S used something else to communicate, the owls surprised her.

This amused him and couldn't help but smiling a tiny fraction. '' It's a rather sophisticated process, the point is I won't be _ringing_ you.''

''Is it some type of talking owl? I wouldn't mind seeing that,'' she joked.

''Do not mock our ways we were using owls when you Muggles thought performing human sacrifices would bring you good fortune.''

''Thanks for enlightening me. I'm glad you caught me on a day I'm walking upright and not on all fours, always a pleasure Severus.''

Clasping his hands together ''are you finished?''

''Yes'' she said feeling she like she had gone overboard. Insulting someone's custom in their own country was beyond rude. ''They don't use owls in the US, they use these special boxes that make a noise when you have a letter, even worse for howlers.''

''You know what a howler is?''

''Screaming letters. Charles used to get those a lot from his ex girlfriends. I knew a couple of guys I wish I could have sent those to.''

He nodded, unimpressed with this little sliver of information. ''Since you haven't seen much of the city I may be able to assist you if you want an escort.''

''I think I've seen it all but I'd love another tour. I don't want to keep you. I'm sure you have better things to do than be my tour guide.''

''I assure you, if it were an inconvenience I wouldn't have asked but I was referring to the surrounding countryside.''

''If it's really not a bother I would love a tour I've only been there once."

They spent the day touring visiting the various tourist areas. Although he said he was her guide it seemed as if he wasn't familiar with this place at all. He grumbled about the crowds on market street, made snide comments about the museum and was generally surly the entire time. The one time she complained about not liking warm ale during their meal he used that opportunity to criticize the U.S. but otherwise it was a mildly pleasant day for him.

Relaxing while on the train back, ''how long have you lived here? " she asked.

''All my life''

''And you've never seen this area before?''

''Not everyone is interested in travel Miss Nelson.''

''It's an hour and half away it's not really traveling Severus.''

''Perhaps you would like to continue this little trip home by yourself I don't _have_ to be on this train.''

''I was just curious why you've never been there before since it's so close.''

Since the ministry hadn't immediately contacted him about her he decided telling her this next bit of information was harmless. ''Until recently most of my time was spent at Hogwarts."

''What's that?''

''The school where I teach. A boarding school, I've been there since I was 11.''

"That's a long time, my brother couldn't wait to leave school and wouldn't teach a class if you paid him a king's ransom. You started teaching right after you graduated?"

''I was a private tutor for a while and started teaching when I was 22.'' No need to tell her about his tutelage with the dark lord.

Trying to figure out just how old he was since she knew someone capable of magic might disguise their age ''so you graduated when you were.. ?''

Of course he saw through this ruse. ''I'm 40'' he said all this with a blank expression and appeared to be looking straight through her in deep though as if he was actually speaking to himself.

He'd been thinking about how much of his life he'd wasted. Most wizards his age were already married and here he was riding a train playing tour guide for a Muggle.

He'd lived here all these years but was completely unfamiliar with this area.

''Severus'' Jennifer was calling him waving her hands in front of his face then finally shaking him back to reality.

''Severus this is our stop.''

Stepping off the train glancing at him, ''you were pretty much gone there for a minute."

''I was thinking of something else.''

''That's okay I had a great time. Thank you again.''

Nodding his response she is momentary distracted by her telephone ringing.

''Excuse me'' she says and steps a few feet away. Taking this time to study her more closely, she was a very beautiful woman. It's odd that this remained unnoticed until now.

Unable to prevent himself from overhearing her side of the conversation, ''Frank be reasonable.. half of that was mine...'' She walks back over to him.

''Unpleasant news?''

''My ex is using my absence to get rid of all of our stuff. I left it in storage and he claims it was all his.''

''You were once married?"

''No, but we were very close.''

''I see, will you be returning to settle your affairs?''

''No, he can have that stuff.''

Relieved that has new companion wasn't about to abandon him just yet he managed to be more personable on the walk home.

Exhausted by the time she made it home all she wanted to do was climb into bed remembering the days events. Charles came home about an hour after she returned but she left out how she had spent her day. Severus was a strange man but that voice, that the silky voice left her hinged on every word he said. Of course he wasn't much to look at with his teeth being off-color and his greasy hair. Looking at him one would have assumed he smelled but he didn't. He didn't have any detectable scent of any kind. He was the first person she'd met but she got the impression he wasn't interested in her _that_ way. Outside of his sexy voice there wasn't anything remarkable about him.

They began to spend more time together most of it either at lunch or breakfast.


	4. Chapter 4

**4 Friend of mine**

* * *

><p>Arriving unannounced one evening Severus was surprised to discover Jennifer wasn't alone. He took it for granted that she would be available to him anytime he chose to see her. Suspiciously her brother never seemed to be at home as he doubted she had even mentioned meeting him.<p>

With tennis racquets slung on their backs Jennifer tried to sound upbeat about him being there. ''Professor Snape? I didn't know you were stopping is Edward we were just about to leave.''

''Yes, I can plainly see that.'' he was trying to hide his embarrassment.

''Did you need something?'' She said looking down at his bag.

''No, I was simply in the vicinity. I won't keep you,'' he eyed her companion with disdain.

''Do you... want to join us?'' Standing behind Edward she shook her head at Severus mouthing, ''no'' in case has was tempted to say yes.

''That won't be necessary.'' He begins to walk off and in the distance he hears laughing.

"That big nosed bloke fancies you. What was he wearing? He's looks ghastly Jennifer.''

''Edward stop you're terrible. He's just a friend he doesn't like me that way.''

She really hadn't given Severus much though. He was an interesting person and she now considered him a good friend but surely if he was looking for something more he would have said something or made some type of gesture by now. She couldn't quite figure out why he seemed to have attached himself to her. He obviously didn't really care for non magical people and was experiencing some kind of escapism with her but he never hinted at why. When she asked him about what he normally did outside of school he became silent changing the subject.

As soon as he was back home Severus tossed the takeaway he'd purchased. He was disappointed but reasoned he'd spend far too much time in her company anyway.

* * *

><p>A few days later against his better judgment he kept their standing Friday breakfast meeting. He was even more quiet than usual and hadn't given her any reason for his absence yesterday.<p>

''I thought we were going to a show last night? You could have let me know you weren't coming. That was rude Severus.''

''Exactly how would you propose I make you aware of my change of plans, send you an owl? You've already told me you don't check the post.'' He'd seriously thought of sending his Patronus to relay his message but even he knew it would have been too physically exhausting just for the petty annoyance of her ignoring him in front of that man. A talking translucent doe would surely scare her as he intended but also earn him an unwanted meeting with the ministry. It was strange that he could still produce a Patronus but couldn't do most other magic.

''I can think of a couple of ways you could have reached me. Better yet, you shouldn't have ditched me in the first place.''

''certainly''

His nasty tone was unmistakable.''Well it was inconsiderate of you. I waited around for nothing.''

''Miss Nelson I assumed your evenings would be otherwise occupied.''

''_Miss Nelson_? What happened to Jennifer?''

''Have we not resumed formalities?''

Thinking he couldn't possibly be upset about Edward, Severus had made it perfectly clear that he thought romantic relationships in general were a waste of time, but he was definitely upset. She had used his title to avoid any misunderstanding with Edward because she didn't want him to think she was involved with Severus.

''I decided not to see him anymore, he wasn't my type.''

''You seemed quite taken with him a few nights ago... laughing at his jokes.''

So he had overheard Edward she thought, ''he just wasn't for me. Outside of tennis we don't have much in common. Are you happy I stopped seeing him?'' If Jennifer were honest with herself she sometimes didn't consider Severus' feelings and only considered them as an afterthought. He was her friend and she knew his rude comments weren't always intentional. He simply thought he was being truthful, no matter how bad it sounded to anyone else.

Snorting he said, '' your personal relationships are of no consequence to me.''

''If you must know, he wasn't as single as I thought he was and his wife called while we were out.''

''Dating married men is that what it's come to now?''

''He said he was separated and getting a divorce.''

''At this rate you'll be making enemies with half the town in no time.''

''His wife cursed me out.''

''Can you blame her?'' Severus said with a smug expression.

''It was just a few dates.''

''A few dates with a man you knew had a wife. You were expecting more didn't you?''

''I wasn't looking for anything. Just someone to hang out with I guess.''

With a faint smirk she went back to her work, Maybe Severus deserved a second look. Her new friends didn't like him and they would have a hard time believing he didn't always act so rude. He could actually be thoughtful in his own way. The last few years she'd been in the habit of going from one extreme to another. Frank had been a decent enough man, except he thought money solved all their problems. He worked all the time and showered her with gifts instead of real attention. Looking back she should have just broke it off instead of seeking comfort with her colleague. He didn't deserve that.

''I see, you certainly do choose your companions wisely.''

She shrugged her shoulders slightly embarrassed.

''So what did you do last night?''

''That's none of your concern''

''As your friend, I would think you'd tell me. Can I ask you something?''

He didn't answer and just rumpled his newspaper.

''What do you do all day?''

''You asked me that a week ago.''

''But you never gave me an answer.''

''I have numerous endeavors to occupy my time.''

''Huh I bet you do. I think you like to find ways to annoy me.''

''You certainly think you're a priority in my live but I can assure you that's far from the case.''

''That's an awful thing to say Severus, maybe I'll ask Charles to get me some of the truth serum and use it on you one day.''

He looked at her suspiciously,''what do you know about veritaserum?''

''Only what I've been told obviously.''

''Liar, I don't believe that for a moment. You read some of your brother's childhood school books didn't you?''

''Don't call me a liar Severus, Charles used to threaten to use that truth stuff on me all the time when I said I would tell on him for sneaking out.''

''You're a terrible liar.''

''Ok, I may have thumbed through his books a few times.''

''And your parents let you do this? What did you learn from glancing at his books?''

''That you shouldn't read certain things out of context, one of his books gave me nightmares for weeks. My parents tried their best to keep me from knowing about the more questionable aspects of your world... so they never knew I peeked.''

''You may have your family fooled but I'd wager you know a bit more than you should.'' Severus always got the feeling she knew more about his world than she was letting on but he said nothing more about it and watched her read something on her computer.

She was simply not an option and he could not fathom that he was contemplating seeing her as anything other than a friend. Muggles do not belong with wizards he'd spent his entire life believing this. His parents marriage was a perfect example. Logically he knew this wasn't true. He knew enough about nature to know that if two types of beings are capable of mating they would do so. Biologically Muggles Wizards were essentially the same with only a slight difference from a physiological standpoint. If half breeds were a rarity, half-bloods were vastly more common than pure-bloods and proved that mating with them was natural. Of course looking at her there are extenuating circumstances and she must have a magical ancestor. Some small part of her had wizarding blood otherwise her brother wouldn't have his abilities.

Muttering to himself ''listen to me trying to rationalize.''

Looking up from her work ''did you say something?''

''no''

''If your free this afternoon you're welcome to come play a set with me since I lost my partner.''

''Play?''

''Tennis... you know... the gym... exercise''

''Jim? Is that another friend of yours you wish to go traversing about with?''

''_The Gym_ isn't a person. It's a place where you exercise and tennis is a recreational sport. You play it for fun.''

''I know what recreation is Jennifer. I just don't find it a valuable endeavor,'' he said coolly. He had tried to erase any traces of his Muggle half so with his poverty growing up this ensured he remained unaware of things most of his birth knew quite well. He vaguely recalled hearing about tennis as a child but wasn't entirely sure how it was played. The only Muggle sport he knew of was football because his father would often gamble and get violent when his team lost costing him money.

''Suit yourself but be forewarned I love tennis so when there's a match on I'm glued to the TV.

''I'll keep that in mind, is anything else I need to know?''

Wanting to have some fun with him since he evidently wasn't familiar enough with Muggles to know about common activities,'' I love hawpagz too, it's so dynamic and complex.''

''Are you of the opinion that I'm so unaware of your sports you could simply concoct something and I'll accept it with unquestioned veracity? You made that up Jennifer'' he said in a low voice.

''I was just having some fun Severus.''

''Don't lie to me again.''

As serious as he looked she still couldn't help but laugh in his face. She knew he had this intimidating air about him but at this moment he looked no more scarier than a toy dog barking to be heard.

''You know, I could easily assume the persona you mistook me for when we first met and send you back to the states in a pine box.''

This was even funnier to her and she burst out in hysterics once more.

''I don't like being laughed at. You would do well to remember that in the future _Jennifer_.''

''I will''

''Damned Muggles'' he said to himself returning back to his newspaper, a year ago he would have hexed anyone for laughing at him the way she did but he made exceptions for _her_.

* * *

><p>Time pasted quickly over the next month and at least three times a week he managed to find some plausible reason for seeing her. Jennifer excepted his many excuses for showing up without any further explanations needed. There was a certain comfort she felt when they were together. Although he tried to appear as uninterested as possible he listened to every word Jennifer said with an intensity unmatched by any man she'd every met. She felt completely at ease with him. Charles assumed she'd found some friends since she'd stopped pestering him about showing her around.<p>

After discovering Severus was as avid a reader as she was, she finally succeeded in having him step foot in a Muggle bookstore but soon regretted it. Standing in the mist of endless books shooting down every genre she proposed she knew it was a waste of time.

''Is this a true representation of Muggle intellect? This is drivel,'' he said flipping through the pages of a history book. ''I knew this would be a waste of my time.''

''Okay, it was a bad idea we can go.''

Walking past the a small section on theoretical physics a title caught his eye. ''What is this?'' He flipped through the pages snorting, or muttering something to himself every couple of minutes before producing a quill and started writing in the margins.

''You like reading that?''

''The theories aren't completely baseless.''

After leaving the bookstore with a small stack of physics books some of them bordering on science fictions they were now sitting outside a café. She was feeling comfortable enough to ask him some things she'd always wanted to ask.

''Why do you always dress in black?''

''Why do you feel the need to question my choice of clothing? Am I somehow preventing you from otherwise functioning normally by dressing this way?''

''I was just wondering if it's a British thing or just you.''

''I like black, it's appropriate.''

''Appropriate for what... a funeral you must feel sad most of the time.''

''Do not presume you know how I feel.''

''Just an observation no need to be so hostile Severus.''

''Hostile? You have been nothing but-''

Chiming in and paying no attention to his scolding, ''that reminds me.'' She placed a gift bag in front of him. She'd been carrying this around in her large tote bag all evening.

''What's this?'' Before him was an assortment various shampoos, conditioners, cologne and a few tubes of magical toothpaste. ''A little obvious don't you think. Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?''

''No, it's just a thank you gift for showing me around and being nice.''

''and''

'' And... that's it''

He kept staring at her

The unnatural silence was too much for her, ''I think you use your appearance to keep people at a distance.''

''and''

''Your hair is filthy and your teeth are stained .'' She wasn't being completely honest, his teeth were only somewhat discolored and when she stopped seeing Edward she noticed every few days he did look like he made some attempt to clean his hair even if he only rinsed it with more water. It was less oily but still looked a mess. She hoped her gift would remind him to clean it with shampoo every day. He hardly looked like a street person but he also didn't look like a professor either.

Sneering, ''you see isn't it better to be forthright. Now have I given you any indication I'm interested in changing my personal preferences?''

''No one _prefers_ to look like that. I think you just don't care and think you can fade into the background.''

He gives her an icy stare, ''If you no longer wish to be in my company, you are free to leave at anytime.''

''I didn't say that. I'm sorrY I didn't mean to embarrass you but I know you don't really want me to leave no matter what you say. I know you used to like being alone but you're here with me, you must want to change some things. ''

''Another grand observation of yours.''

''I could be wrong, so why aren't you teaching?'' She wanted to change to conversation to something less heated.

''I'm recovering from an accident.''

''You look fine to me.''

''Not all injuries are readily visible.'' He paused for a second, ''you wouldn't have liked me before my accident.''

''What were you like? What kind of accident was it?''

''It was a magical one, and I was a rather unpleasant, petty, and closed off person.''Out of the corner of his eye he saw her raise an eyebrow.

''Not the thoughtful, non sarcastic, social butterfly you are now huh.''

He did enjoy this women her wit matched his own and he was able to laugh at himself for once as she had little idea of just how sedate he'd become.

''I assure you this is a vast improvement.'' He couldn't help smiling, displaying this little bit of emotion

She pretended to clear her throat and smiled back at him.

''Are you jealous of your brother?''

Settling back into a more comfortable position in her chair she had expected this some time ago. ''How long have you been waiting to ask me that?

''Am I not entitled to reciprocate when you've been so insistent on asking me personal questions?''

Nodding her head in response to his question. ''No, I wasn't jealous at first. I was too young to think it was unusual, but as I got older I admit I was a little jealous.''

''You seemed to have sorted that out.''

The fact the she wasn't more excited about magic was interesting to him. Never once had he considered how the non magical families of Muggle-borns of half bloods felt. Since he was estranged from his family he had no reference point other than Lilly's sister Petunia.

''I wasn't always so sorted. When I was in my late teens I didn't really like you guys.''

''And this was due to your jealously?''

''Not exactly. I thought most of you were too heavy-handed with the secrecy thing and you guys could help the world more. Cure diseases, feed the hungry, things like that.''

''I see, but you don't feel this way anymore?''

''I've matured so I know things aren't so black and white.''

''Despite this you and your brother remained close.''

'' Of course''

'' And your parents, what was their reaction to finding out about your brother?''

''They were surprised of course. My mother almost didn't let him go to school but she relented after she met a few of the other families. I remember a woman coming to our house to tell us about Charles and she gave me a piece of candy. I think it chocolate.''

''Am I to understand that a witch came to your home, told your family that magic exist and you only remember getting a sweet.''

Laughing at the absurdity of it now, ''I was only seven and that's what children remember. I was upset because I couldn't bring a pet to school like he could and was worried I'd have no one to walk me to school if he left. I started crying so she gave me a piece of candy that played music as it ate it.''

''Touching I suppose''

''Don't make fun Severus''

''You knew of other families? I assumed I was the only other wizard you knew.''

''I only met some in passing it's not like we had Sunday dinners with them. Well actually my parents are still friendly with some of them.''

''You never met any of your brothers friends?''

''No, why would they be interested in me? Don't you people like stick to your own kind?'' she said abruptly, shifting in her chair suddenly uncomfortable with his questions.

''I could consider that a derogatory statement. I suggest you watch your language from now on. You feign ignorance about your brothers world but I know deception when I hear it Jennifer.''

Rolling her eyes at him, ''I just thought you British _wizards _only associated with each other.''

'' I don't think we're all that different from those you've met in the states.''

''No, you are very different they aren't so... rigid.''

''If they are socializing with Muggles then you wouldn't notice a difference. Intermarriage is rather common even if it's frowned upon in some circles.''

''Does that include your circle?''

''I've had more contact with your world than you think.'' She would be very surprised if she knew his father was a Muggle he but decided to withhold this information.

Bringing back the conversation to her, ''you must have hated all the attention your brother received.''

Taking a bite of food displaying her clear indifference, ''my parents never treated us differently he still had chores to do and rules to follow when he was home on the weekends. You'd be amazed how easily children get bored. One year I wanted to know everything I could about his school, the next year I got excited about a teenage band and could care less. It really wasn't much of an issue for me.''

''He didn't attend school year round?''

''He came home every weekend unless he had some event a school. I can't imagine only seeing your family a few times a year. I could never send my child away to boarding school.''

''Yes... well it's our way. It allows you to completely focus on your education.''

''I still think it's cruel.''

''Life is not meant to fun Jennifer it's a serious affair.''

''Live a little okay''

''You don't find his magic interesting? You have a rare opportunity that most Muggles don't.''

''Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm not as enthralled as you think I should be? Your world isn't all that great. Everything about it is a hundred years behind and all those harsh rules to follow. It seems so limiting, especially for you old line Europeans.''

''We take pride in our traditions unlike the Americans willing take up any Muggle trend that fancies them. Every society has rules''

''Does that tradition involve mingling with Muggles? Because you seem to spend a lot of time with me.''

''Then I can presume you aren't here because I'm a wizard?''

''No, I'm here because of your charm.''

He looked in the direction of the basket, ''Is that some sort of ultimatum?''

''It's just a suggestion''

After his initial embarrassment he took the basket of toiletries.

Smiling back at him. ''I'm flattered, I didn't think you cared what I though...can I ask you something?''

''Have you not been doing just that for the last few minutes?''

''Are you in hiding from someone? You're afraid of people knowing where you live?''

''I have some rather dangerous enemies.''

''Like?''

''That's none of your concern.''

''So my brother was right after all.''

Contemplating this for a moment before he asked, ''are you afraid of me?''

''No, I trust you.''

''You shouldn't trust anyone implicitly Jennifer... least of all me.''

''You haven't given me any reason not to trust you... other than being sort of a jerk. So besides that, tell me why I should be afraid? She smiled at him"

''If you think I'm a jerk that should be reason enough but I doubt you have the fortitude for the kinds of things I could tell you.''

''I can handle anything'' she said winking at him.

''I'm sure you think you can.'' He said softly.

He halfway though about telling her but just asked for the bill instead.


	5. Chapter 5

**5 Jealousy**

* * *

><p>''You'll get sick eating that rubbish.'' Severus watched as Jennifer eat her grease filled meal.<p>

''I can't come to London and not have fish and chips. Are you sure you don't want a bite? ''

''You could have gotten that nonsense at home and I'd just assume rummage in the bin and eat something from there. Although I think the difference would be negligible.''

''A simple no would have done Severus.''

They kept walking until she stopped at sign listing the Tower of London a few blocks away.

Before she could even ask, ''No'' he said as if talking to a child.

''Come on... please as my official guide you should take me.''

''There's going to be a queue, and you hate waiting.''

''I don't mind waiting.''

''I've already shown you half the city and rode on the underground, which I could have gone the rest of my life without doing again. ''

''We could leave as soon as we're done.''

''Very well'' he said knowing when to give up.

Giddy like a little girl she loops her arm into his. He flinched at her touch but soon relaxes which gives him a chance to smell the honey scented shampoo she favored. It had been her idea to come to London making the announcement a week ago that she wanted him to take her. It was more of a declaration statement than a request because she made it clear his only option would be yes but he was happy to do it.

''How do you know so much about this part of London I thought _your _part of London was hidden, you've ridden on the underground before. I though you-all just vanished?''

One day he would have to tell her the proper term for Apparition, but for now he let her keep using vanish. ''I've been here with my father.''

''Oh how cute. I could just imagine you in a little black cape.''

She never failed to amaze him with her complete lack of knowledge. Even his own father knew they were called robes. ''As I've repeatedly told you, they're robes not capes but I wouldn't have worn those. My father never allowed it until I entered school.''

''Your father let you wear normal clothes?''

''Wizarding robes are _normal_ but my father... was a Muggle. I'm a half blood.''

''What? I can't believe you didn't mention that before. You didn't have to hide it from me.'' She was so stunned she stopped mid stride. ''So you let me think I was so different from you this whole time when you're practically one of us.''

''My blood status is my own private business and I AM NOT practically a Muggle. I am a wizard an a very powerful one. Don't you ever forget that.''

''A powerful wizard that travels on the underground?''

God this woman knows how to annoy me, he thought. She smiled warmly at him again and grabbed his hand. He let her take it without revealing how much this amused him.

Forgetting about the tour she was floored with this news and fired question after question. ''What was it like growing up? Did you go to a regular school before you went to Hogwarts? Did he know you mother was a witch before they got married? Does the rest of your family know? Why did you act like you don't know anything about us? Do you use Muggle things at home?'' Were you doing magic when you were a baby?

This revelation about his father left her with a million questions but given his clear distaste for ordinary people she kept quite. He didn't answer a single question she had and wouldn't even elaborate further about his parents. The left her assuming he wasn't very close with his parents.

As they kept walking a man walked past them and Severus thought the man smiled at her as he past. Severus had become acutely paranoid that men took notice of her when they were out. It was his mind's own invention as no one noticed her anymore than any other woman. He had no real claims on her and she wasn't a suitable mate anyway but he still felt jealous at the possibility of her seeing someone.

* * *

><p>Although they'd spent plenty of time together over the past couple of months. He still didn't openly volunteer much but he reluctantly answered her many direct her questions and they were getting to know each other quite well. Despite his earlier reservations he did start grooming himself better and washing his hair on a regular basis. The cologne she bought especially suited him and she found herself on more than one occasion wishing she could physically get closer to him just to smell that scent. The day after she'd given him the basket, his teeth were not only whiter but were perfectly aligned as well. He would never be considered classically handsome, but his face did have character and he was growing on her. His clumsy attraction to her was so obvious and sweet reminding her of a schoolboy crush at times. Just like a schoolboy he acted so hot and cold it was hard to understand if he was serious.<p>

* * *

><p>A couple of weeks after their trip to London it was a Wednesday evening and Jennifer is getting ready for night out when she looks at the time upon hearing a knock at the door. ''You're early,'' she shouted as she started to open the door.<p>

''Severus, what are you doing here?'' she said beaming.

''That's hardly the welcome I was expecting.''

"Just randomly dropped in for no reason at all?'' She said smiling coyly.

''Going someplace tonight? '' scrutinizing her form-fitting blue dress.

''I told you this morning I was going out with Amanda."

'' Amanda? No, I don't recall an Amanda.''

''Are you serious? Amanda from the cafe, she's the waitress and you've seen her half a dozen times. I told you I was going out with her and her friends tonight.''

''It must have slipped my mind.''

''No it didn't'' she said flirtatiously ''are you jealous?'' She turned around giving him a view of the back of dress which was cut down to the middle of her back with the hemline reaching just mid-thigh, ''like my dress?''

The sudden flush of his cheeks gave her the answer she needed. ''Don't worry Severus I plan on coming home early and alone.'' She decided to shake him up a bit by kissing him on the cheek.

She did it so fast he was flustered, ''whom ever you choose to spend the evening with doesn't concern me. I was just passing in this direction.''

Not wanting to embarrass him further. ''Okay I'll see you later then,'' closing the door.

An hour later Amanda showed up and they headed out.

''Severus was here a little while ago''

''How can you stand him?''

''He's fine, just a little out there sometimes."

''He looks like a vampire with that black cape and creeping up out of nowhere, rude and obnoxious he's mental.''

''You just don't know him like I do."

''You don't know him all that well either, I asked one of my elderly regulars who's lived here for 60 years and she said he ran away when he was a child and only just came back last year.''

''Are you sure you were talking about the same person?''

''It's a small village there's only one person with that last name.''

''Well I like him okay'' Jennifer said smiling to herself knowing he hadn't run away but had mostly been at school until now.

* * *

><p>Back at Spinners End he tried hard to concentrate on his book but that random kiss and the possibility of her meeting someone stirred something in him. Lately his pulse quickened when she was near and he found himself going out of his way to find interesting things she might like. He even wore that scent for her since she seemed to enjoy it so much. The thought of being away from her for more than a few days made him anxious but she could also infuriate him with her careless actions. He hated sharing her with anyone and found himself jealous of the time she spent with her friends away from him. No matter how many times she invited him he was uncomfortable around anyone other than her. She put him at ease and made the most unbearable of task tolerable. She made no attempt to hide her feelings about him and expressed her displeasure with her eyes because he failed to reciprocate. Why should he? She was a friend nothing more, he repeatedly told himself this, as if it were a mantra.<p>

He couldn't stop fantasizing about her. A week ago he noticed for the first time in many years he had an erection one morning waking up from a erotic dream. He dreamt he came to her flat and when she answered the door she was completely naked. She had been cursed and the only cure was to have loads of sex. He being a friend obliged and they had sex for hours. He liked that dream so much he wished he had a pensive to relive it before it faded into distant memory.

* * *

><p>With the look on Severus' face after she kissed him still fresh on her mind it had been a boring night out. Every time a man seemed to take in interest in her she inevitable compared them to mystery of <em>him<em> and in those few moments of meeting they came up short. Even though he made no affirmations of wanting any more from their relationship ,she though seeing another man would be tantamount to cheating on him.

* * *

><p>The next time she saw him she teased him again about his jealously until she saw how uncomfortable he was becoming. He never acknowledged it but their relationship or whatever they were calling themselves had taken a turn. She now found any excuse touch him for any minor reason. This included removing invisible lint from his clothes or appearing to innocently brush up against him. He didn't respond to her occasional peck on the cheek but since he didn't stop her she assumed he liked it. He felt strange when she kissed him. An array of indecent thoughts flooded his mind but he was so reserved he never tried anything thinking it wildly inappropriate.<p>

''Don't get mad Severus. I wouldn't be upset if you went out with friends,'' lightly patting his hand.''

''I don't have friends.''

''I thought I was your friend? Your close friend?'' She gazed at him until he looked away. He looked like he was on the verge of a smile but he didn't. She knew him well enough by now to know that he didn't like smiling in public if there were too many people around but he smiled when they were alone or at least somewhat off to themselves.

He allowed her to continue patting his hand. It was so unlike anyone to _want_ to touch him even for slightest amount of time. ''Did you enjoy your evening out?''

''Yes, you should join us sometime.''

''I'd rather pierced by the razor sharp teeth of a Riplurian beast than be seen in one of _your_ pubs.''

''We'll see''

A man crossing the street caught her eye she starred until he was out of sight.

''Do you know him?''

''No, he just kind of looked like someone I used to go out with.''

''The man you came here to get away from?''

''No, someone else.''

"More than one great love of your life?''

''I wouldn't call either of them that, Frank was nice but I had an affair and he kicked me out.''

''You betrayed him. Certainly you didn't expect him to forgive you."

''I didn't expect anything. Neither of those other guys meant anything to me.''

''Then it's true, you habitually seek out those you shouldn't be associating with.''

She gave him an annoyed look, ''It wasn't like that Severus.''

''Isn't it? A married man, and another while you were engaged.''

''I never said we were engaged."

''You were living with him, I just assumed.''

''Well you assumed wrong.''

''Yes clearly I assumed you had higher morals but now I know fidelity means so little to you.''

''I cheated because we had drifted away by then, so I didn't really care anymore. If I had still been in love with him I would have begged his forgiveness. But since I wasn't, I was glad to leave. ''

''That's a very cold thing to say Jennifer it doesn't sound like you at all.'' He looked at her with a new-found respect.

''You know how it is. You must have a few women in your past. I'm not as squeaky clean as you think.''

''Clearly not... but no I don't have any women in my past.''

''None''

''One, perhaps two perhaps depending on your definition. ''

His history with women was dreadfully abysmal. He was shocked that every couple of years a brazen 7th year would flirt with him hoping to raise their grades. They were each naïve enough to believe they were the first to try that. Silly little girls, he had no use for them. If he were so inclined he would hardly waste his time on wanton children, ruining his career. When he first started teaching he and his students were so close in age he was attracted to some of his older students but never abused his authority.

''What were they like?''

''One never loved me back and ended up marrying someone I loathed and the other was a former student of mine.''

''What? You dated a student?" She looked worried.

''I'm not one of _those_ men Jennifer. I said a for_mer student_... our paths crossed some years after she left school.''

Jennifer gave him a slight nod but still looked skeptical.

''It was nothing unseemly I assure you. She was well above an acceptable age.'' He'd been called many things in his lifetime but he would never allow a charge of being improper with a student to stand.

''Okay, I believe you.'' Her brother had called him dangerous but even she would find it hard to believe he'd taken advantage of teenagers.

Feeling the need to explain he said, ''she was only interested in me as some sort of conquest.''

''You don't know that. ''

''I have my suspicions.''

''What are your suspicions about me?''

He could think of several things but nothing she would appreciate hearing or anything he way comfortable saying aloud.

''I don't know,'' he said thinking to himself he knew of Elizabeth's intentions because he'd used Legilimency on her. Since he'd made a resolve not to use Legitimacy as freely as he had in the past he hadn't used it on Jennifer since their first abrupt meeting.

''You must have some ideas about me, Severus?''

''I'm more interested in your thoughts about me.''

''You are a mystery Severus. Only a mind reader could tell you and I'm afraid I can't do that.''

''What a coincidental think to say. Perhaps you do have some laden magical abilities after all.''

''What are you talking about?''

Sheer ego is the only explanation he could give himself for telling her this next bit. ''What if I told you I have the ability to read minds as you like to call it."

''You can do that?''

''It's not exactly reading minds but... the results are similar enough.''

''That's such invasion of privacy.''

Saying in a matter of fact way, ''yes it's intrusive, but it's not something I do all the time. Only when it's warranted.''

He waited for her obvious question but she never asked. Wrapping her arms protectively around herself she just looked at him as if she were trying to deduce whether he'd ever read her mind until she was satisfied that his face didn't betray anything.

''I don't have anymore _special_ male friends Severus, if you want to know something just ask me.''

''I wasn't asking.''

''Well I'm telling you now. There isn't anyone else.'' She winked at him and he looked flustered as usual. He liked knowing he was the only one in her life right now.

Changing the subject while looking at her half eaten meal he would eventually be paying for, ''its wasteful to leave so much I'm sure you have no idea what it feels like to go without.''

Feeling a bit of pity for him ''did you go without often?''

''We were ...very poor, my father drank and gambled away what little money we had.''

''Your mother, she was a witch why didn't she just leave him or use her magic?''

''You know it doesn't work that way. There are rules that must be followed.''

Jennifer nodded in agreement. She didn't know all the rules but knew you couldn't magically make money or anything else of real value.

''Magic doesn't solve all your problems. Especially if you're weak and easily intimidated, marrying the first man who glances your way. I imagined she loved him at one point, enough to scarcely use her magic as _he_ demanded.''

''That must have been tough growing up that way.''

'' I managed'' he said stoically

Jennifer looked at him sadly and placed her hand over his.

''Don't look at me that way. I don't need you to feel sorry for me.''

They spent another hour or so sitting there before heading for her flat. His saw her to the door and listened on the other side to her talking to someone he assumed was her brother. He thought of forcing an introduction but changed his mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**6 fighting**

Reading the evening addition of _The Daily Profit,_ Severus reads that McGonagall has been appointed permanent headmistress. She had again inquired about his coming back to teaching but he'd told her perhaps the following term. He neglected to mention his magic was still quite unstable. He poured himself another glass of fire whiskey as this seemed to be one of the few comforts lately that stopped the endless doubts that keep running through his mind. The other was Jennifer. She provided a much-needed distraction and he preferred her company to wandering the house all day being alone with his thoughts. Although he was never much of talker before she did provide a certain something in the way of conversation that he hadn't never felt before. At the same time he felt very vulnerable with her unable to resist telling her things he couldn't think of a single justifiable reason for doing so.

* * *

><p>At breakfast one morning ''exactly what does your brother do? Is he purposely avoiding me?'' He'd become more curious about her and by extension her sibling and wondered what he was hiding.<p>

Knowing Charles wouldn't' approve of her seeing him she'd put off even mentioning him let alone arranging a meeting. Since he was rarely home he didn't seem to notice she was often absent as well.

''He works for an American company with an office here.''

''He works for what? He works for Muggles? Is he incapable if obtaining proper employment?''

After learning what he told her in London she couldn't believe what he was saying. ''I don't know all the details but he said there are other people like him there so I assume no.''

''For his sake I hope not. He should have some pride. I would never lower myself by working for Muggles.''

Coming off a very stressful night and tired of his continuous insults she stood up and lashed out at him. ''You aren't any better than us. I don't need to sit here listening to you insult me!''

In a low but firm tone, ''sit down and lower your voice.'' All the while he never took his eyes off her.

" I said sit down! '' His voice seemed to touch her at an almost primal level and she sat back down.

''The word Muggle is not an insult. I would think you knew that by now.''

''My problem isn't with the 's the way you say it, like its profanity. You think we're beneath you!"

''How you choose to react to a simple word isn't any concern of mine. That's your choice,'' he said dryly.

''WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? I used to think it was just because of what you are but no it's just you! What do you want from me? A sounding board for all the slights the world has against you? To make yourself feel superior? '' Or do you just want to fuck me just to prove you could. A pair of legs to hopefully spread? But wait, YOU'RE TOO PATHETIC TO EVEN TRY!"

Grabbing her wrists reaching across the table whispering, ''if that's what I wanted believe me, I could have easily had my way with you ever night.'' She tried to jerk away be he continued

''You wouldn't have had even a passing memory!''

Jerking away from him ''asshole!''

Taking her handbag she stormed out and heads home. Slipping outside behind a building he disapparated to his home.

''Screw him I don't need this crap.'' As soon as she got home she automatically dialed a familiar number.

In sleepy voice the other line picks up ''hello?''

''Anita I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up.''

''Don't worry about it, how are you doing? Will is waiting for the toys you promised him.''

''I'm sorry, I'll pick something up tomorrow. I was just a little homesick and missed you guys.''

''Oh shoot, I though you were calling to tell me you met someone and was having a wild fling. ''

''Uh.. no I wished that were the case."

She could hear Anita's husband snoring "I'll let you get back to sleep. I don't want to wake Nathan.''

She wished she could have told her about Severus and had an old-fashioned bitch session but since she would've had to leave out so many details it hardly seemed worth it now.

* * *

><p>Falling into the sofa, he thought that insufferable woman. I allow her to spend time with me and this is what I get for my trouble. She has the nerve to be cross with me. I shouldn't have wasted my time. ''<p>

Her knowing he was sexually attracted to her touched a nerve and it was very arousing. The more he though of her the more he wanted to touch himself. Thinking it unwise to ignore a physiological need he stroked himself thinking of her naked beneath him until he exploded in relief.

* * *

><p>Late in the afternoon, three days later he was knocking at the door again. It was pouring down outside and without saying a word he sat down under the covered entryway and she joined him sitting so close her leg was pressed against his. Instead of even acknowledging their fight he decided to ignore it completely. She continued to be amazed that he showed up again as she had assumed the novelty of being with her might have worn off. They'd fallen into a routine and it almost didn't occur to him to just stop seeing her. He hated apologizing so he simply chose not to. Instead while staring at the rain he silently placed a small parcel in her lap.<p>

She opened it, smiling at her favorite treat.''Chocolate truffles? Thank you'' she said and kissed him on the cheek and taking his hand into hers.

Matching his flat demeanor, for once she wanted to hear his apology. ''Are you sorry?''

He kept quiet, and still refused to look at her.

She began to stand up, ''god, if you can't even say _that_ I might as well-''

Sounding as if it was taking an extraordinary amount of energy,''yes... yes I am''

He looked at her and she slowly sat back down. ''Thank you Severus. I'm sorry too.''

After she had eaten one she turned to feed him one. He obliged and started feeling like one his infatuated students. Not used to such affection, he didn't think to put his arms around her and merely sat there not knowing what he was expected to do next.

''I almost died from a snake bite'' he said out of nowhere.

''What?"

He showed her the healed puncture wound on his neck. ''Last year.. I was bitten last year. You said you didn't know anything about me. I almost died. I was in the hospital for months. ''

''Oh ...I'm so sorry, that's horrible. You must have been terrified. Does it still hurt?'' She didn't know how to respond with his latest secret.

''I passed out but it still burns occasionally.'' He thought he would feel better telling her this personal bit of information but hadn't thought of the questions she was bound to ask.

''How did you come in contact with such a large snake?''

He wasn't ready to get her a detailed explanation. ''It's not so unusual with the company I used to keep.''

She gave him a puzzled look, but didn't have the energy ask any further questions. He already exceeded her expectations by volunteering this information and didn't want to push him.

''I've only recently began to recover my magical abilities. ''

''Is that why you're hanging around Muggles?'' She smiled at him but he thought she wasn't taking the conversation seriously.

Wanting her to understand the depth of what he was telling her, ''It would be akin to you losing your sight or hearing. I couldn't brew a single potion, none of my spells were working.''

''Potion?''

''Yes that's what I teach, I'm a potions master. ''

''That's similar to chemistry right?"

''Chemistry? No ,chemistry is primitive Muggle dabbling,'' he said clearly offended.

''Don't be so defensive,'' she feed him another truffle then rested her head on his shoulder. This was a new feeling but it was very relaxing and felt natural so he didn't pull away.

They sat there watching the rain for another hour or so. He was quite animated when he described his work and she could tell this was something he was passionate about. Taking another truffle holding she held it up to him but he waved it away as the heat from her hand melted it a bit coating her fingers. He watched as she licked part of it off then held up her finger again, enticing him to respond. He licks the rest of the chocolate off. She looked at him seductively was caught off guard that he would allow such an intimate act. He hoped she hadn't noticed but he'd become hard thinking about how he wanted those pretty hands of hers wrapped around him right now. He hadn't been with a woman in so long even the slightest amount of affection aroused him.


	7. Chapter 7

**7 Personal Revelations**

Jennifer truly felt like one of those women in a 19th century Romance novel since Severus was so hesitant about everything. She made it a little game of hers to think of as many open-ended questions as possible which gave him little choice but to answer. She was undeniably drawn to him and thought he felt the same way but he still remained distant willing to accept her affections but never displaying any of his own. From time to time she would catch him gazing at her when he thought she wasn't looking but he would never admit that he was staring. A couple of times she could tell he wanted to kiss her or take her hand or do _something_ but he always held back. That piercing stare of his made her feel not only physically naked but he looked as if he could directly see into her soul. It didn't really bother her as much as it should have and in fact it only made her feel closer to him.

* * *

><p>Sitting outside their usual spot at the café after dragging him to a movie Severus watched Jennifer riffle through her handbag. She leaned forward to retrieve a dropped tube of lipstick and her loose blouse gave him a perfect view of her breasts. The were rich like chocolate and he could only image they tasted as sweet. An errant glance down her blouse lasted longer than he anticipates and his mind was swirling. Suddenly he unable to think of anything other than what it would feel like to caress her breasts when their eyes met as he looks up.<p>

''Do you like what you see?''

Shifting in his chair,''perhaps you should dress in a more modest fashion.''

Moving her chair closer to his she placed her hand on his knee. ''Since this isn't the first time I've caught you leering at me I'll take that as a yes.''

Flustered grabbing her hand and removing it, ''what are you doing?''. ''This isn't very becoming _Miss Nelson._ Your brazen behavior is most unwelcome. I see no reason for all this nonsense'' he spat out.

''Nonsense? Have you always been so damned stupid Severus! You act like a repressed old geezer. For once can you act like a normal man and admit you like looking at me. It's not shocking. You are 40 years old and no one cares if you and I fuck like rabbits. Who cares about your stupid image.'' She stood gathering her bag to leave while he made no attempt to stop her as she stomped off.

Asleep that night, he had the most pleasant dream. He and Jennifer were making love in his old room at Hogwarts. When he awoke his shorts were soiled as evidence that it had been more enjoyable than he'd realized.

* * *

><p>After their fight he realized he wanted even more contact with her. Jennifer had been right after all. He needed a better means of communicating. She had flat-out told him to stop popping up out of nowhere.<p>

Walking into the small shop he was greeted enthusiastically, "professor what an honor."

The woman looked somewhat familiar to him. ''Have we met before?''

''I was one of your students a few years back, but not a very good one though.''

''Of course Miss..."

"Mrs Emily Stockard now but it used to be Nearing."

''Yes, I remember now. A potion of yours was so horrible it turned Mr. Eston orange he was unable to speak. Most regrettable that I had to turn him back as I recall it was an appropriate punishment for trying to copy your work, disastrous as it was .''

''I thought so too, that's why I didn't mine getting a poor mark.''

Looking around at her wares, ''I see that Professor Flitwick's class was more useful to you than mine. You have quite a collection here.'' Her shop specialized in harmless enchanted Muggle like objects.

''Thank you Professor, I've tried my best.''

There are signs everywhere stating ALL ITEMS ARE FOR INTELLECTUAL USE ONLY.

''These items are in high demand?'' Most of her wares were household items for the modern Muggle/wizard household.

''Oh yes, it's harder than you thing to charm semi Muggle items that are both functional and won't be noticed by other Muggles if they come in contact with them. I find that most Muggles don't want to give up their familiar objects just because they marry into our world.''

''The ministry turns a blind eye to all of this?''

''No, they've tried to confiscate the whole of my inventory since I opened, but I'm just inside the law. I changed them just enough so they won't be considered muggle artifacts to avoid being criminalized by the ministry.

''I see, very ingenious. Now I have someone I wish to communicate with at all times with but there are... certain barriers.''

''You could just use the muggle telephone Professor they're easy to use. I could show you. I guess I'm the teacher now,'' she said laughing slightly.

He narrowed his eyes at her unamused.

She momentarily regressed feeling like a student about to be punished for her stupidity and halfway expected him to assign her detention.

''Mrs Stockard, though you are certainly of age, I would appreciate a modicum a respect for my former position.''

''Yes sir. Of course sir'' she gulped, ''I do have a two-way mirror of sorts, that might work.''

Pulling it out, ''the magic is self-contained so if her magic is... less than adequate she can still use it. I can also connect it to any object of your choice with a clear reflection and the two will form a link. Dropping her voice whispering so the other customer couldn't hear, ''if she has a mobile telephone I can connect that too but please don't tell anyone.''

''I _always _use the utmost discretion Mrs Stockard'' he said softly.

''Yes, of course professor I would highly recommend that route also. It's very inconspicuous.''

''What's this?" he eyed a simple potted plant with beautiful blooms.

''It's an everchanging plant it blooms a different flower every few days as it adapts to your mood. It's a hybrid I picked up in Holland. I'm thinking of picking up a few more a lot of people like them.''

''I'll take the plant and the mirrors as well.''

With her instructions firmly committed to memory, "I'll have to come back with her mobile.''

''Very good professor I'm sure she'll be very happy.''

* * *

><p>Some time ago Minerva had given him the identical portrait of Dumbledore that hangs in Hogwarts rightly thinking he had no one else to talk to. Dumbledore's portrait finally told him everything he wanted to know all those years he was protecting Harry. Foolish old man he thought. Since the old man was now dead it seemed pointless to spell out how many lives could have been saved if he'd been more upfront with him. Severus took the portrait out of storage occasionally to talk to him but for the most part kept it hidden. Even in death he didn't want Dumbledore knowing his comings and going. Brushing away the dust he hadn't really expected him to appear in the portrait right away but he always seemed to appear when he needed to talk.<p>

''Good afternoon headmaster''

''Severus my boy, how are you? Are you recovering your magic?''

His reverence for the headmaster had not ended with his death but it still chafed him that after all these years Dumbledore referred to him in such a childish informal way. He was certain that in life Dumbledore believed this to be a form of endearment he alone was justified in using. Dumbledore had recognized long ago that Severus was in need of a paternal influence.

''Somewhat, but not completely no.''

''All in due time Severus.''

''Headmaster,'' hesitating as he spoke he could hardly believe he was saying this aloud. ''I think I'm ...I...I've grown very close to a Muggle... I have feelings for her. It was quite unexpected.''

'' I see.'' Dumbledore said with the twinkle in his eyes, ''and you've no doubt scarcely mentioned your past to her.''

''She knows I'm a wizard.''

''Severus that's not the past I'm speaking of. Knowing the nature of your particular type of humanity and knowing about your past deeds are entirely different.''

''I don't think she is capable of understanding my past.''

''I daresay Severus any woman you choose would be intelligent be they witch or Muggle. So I believe you are afraid she's not capable of excepting your past and looking beyond it. Am I correct?''

''I see no reason to even bother taking the risk? She needn't know of those things."

''That is precisely why you must tell her Severus. You will always doubt her if you do not tell her the truth. The time for keeping secrets is over.''

''As I've told you it was quite unexpected given her ...circumstances.''

''I'm sure her circumstances as you call them don't concern her in the slightest Severus.''

''Yes, she made it very clear her interest in Wizards is not a long-standing one.''

''It seems as if the two of you might have a great deal in common then. You would prefer that she showed interest in a subject that has very little to do with her day-to-day life?''

''Her brother is one of us. If I were in her position I'd want to learn everything.''

''She sounds like a perfectly balanced woman Severus. There are people quite content with their lives and even knowing about the existence of magic does little to enhance that.''

Severus frowned in response.''I have little control over my emotions when I'm with her. Could she have some latent magical abilities that are only now presenting themselves?

''Women have a remarkable propensity for causing one to lose one's head as they say. I'm afraid they were gifted with their own brand of magic in that regard. Most men happily fall under there charms.'' The headmaster smiled with that familiar twinkle. ''I'm afraid you seem to have a terminal case Severus.''

The portrait so similar to the headmaster was amused. ''I've often thought we do a great disservice to our students by not expanding our curriculum to include the study of human emotions. Alas the school governors refused to introduce a subject so heavily influenced by Muggles. Perhaps I'll bring it up with Minerva.''

''I understand Albus.'' He went to replace the cover on the portrait. Severus had more or less expected this response from Albus but had learned over the years to accept Albus' role in his life.

''Sharing that part of yourself that you've kept locked away for so long is not a weakness Severus.''

The old man looked at the younger and gave him a hopeful nod. ''One last thing Severus, do stop calling her Muggle to her face I'm sure she's grown tired of it.''

''How did you know?''

''Severus I've known you since you were 11 and you've never been tactful.''

He decided he still needed to keep his secret for the time being but would work on openly calling her Muggle.

* * *

><p>Sitting on the sofa reading watching TV there was a pop and Charles appeared inside the flat. Calling her by her nickname, ''hey DeDe you're here for once. No plans today?<p>

Thinking it was finally time to tell him, ''Charles I've met someone.''

''I figured as much. So who's this lucky guy you've been hiding?''

''He's a wizard''

''When did you start dating wizards? It's Clovis isn't it? He's been after me to introduce you ever since he saw your picture. So he finally got the courage and asked you out? He's a decent guy you should have told me because I would have lifted the enchantment so he could come in. You guys didn't have to keep it a secret he's a real good-.''

''I don't know any Clovis, it's Severus Snape''

His grin faded into a frown. ''What? How...when did this happen?"

''I bumped into him a few months ago."

'' I told you to stay away from him. He's dangerous.''

''No he's not. He's just ... abrasive.''

Charles thought of telling her exactly why he thought Professor Snape was dangerous but that would mean telling her about the war. He'd kept that from his family because he didn't want them to worry and now that it was over he still didn't want to bring it up. He was still was unsure of Snape, but leaning towards him still being a dangerous man even if he wasn't a cold-hearted murder. He certainly was not someone he wanted his sister seeing even if Harry Potter himself defended him. The man was still a threat to anyone with Muggle blood, and was most likely just using his sister for sex.

''What do you see in him?''

''Things you don't, good things.''

''There's nothing good about him, especially for someone like you.''

''I've met men like him before. A few careless remarks doesn't make him bad Charles. You made him sound like he wanted all of us dead. So what if he doesn't absolutely love Muggles he's nice enough to me. Everyone has their issues, he's no worse than some to the guys I've dated before.''

''He's nothing like anyone you've dated before.''

''Yeah, he doesn't pretend he's something he's not. I know what I'm getting with him there aren't any surprises. He's rough around the edges but he's not a bad person Charles. I like him...a lot.''

''You sound like a teenager. Has he done something to you? Did he hurt you? Let me just check something real quick.'' He began to wave his wand over her until he was satisfied she was fine.

''What was that all about?''

''Making sure you haven't been cursed. Has he given you anything?

''Cursed?'' that had never occurred to her at all.

''He gave me some books and other little things, nothing that looked cursed.''

''You know better than that. Bring me everything he bought you. Cursed things don't look cursed.''

He checked them over and didn't see traces of dark magic. His next question was a little tougher. ''Did you sleep with him yet?''

''I'm not 15, that's none of your business.''

''So that's a yes.'' He lamented again telling her the truth. ''He's a dangerous man the easiest way to curse someone is in the bedroom when your defenses are down and you wouldn't be aware of it anyway. ''

''You don't know him at all... he wouldn't do that. Why don't you let me introduce you."

''That man isn't worth your time.''

''I'm not asking your permission I'm just telling you what's going on.''

He had the power to end it but he wasn't comfortable using magic on his family. He hated the way wizards erased the memories of muggles patronized them as if they knew what was best. He'd never treat anyone like that, especially not his own family. He wanted to press the issue but knew from experience if he tried it would only make things worse. Hopefully it would end soon and from what he read about the man no woman could stand to be around him for very long. His sister was too good for _Profesor Snape,_ but if any woman could handle him it would be her. She's tougher than she looks and could be downright scary when she's angry. This country was full of Muggles and some good Wizards if she really wanted one but his sister had to take a liking to a former Death Eater.

* * *

><p>The next day Severus gave her the plant which she adored, then gave her the next gift.<p>

''Oh a mirror...uh thanks it's pretty.''

Rippling it from her hands annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm, ''its no ordinary mirror. When you wish to converse with me directly, you may speak into it and your image will appear inside mine.''

''It's very nice thank you.''

''You don't like it,'' he said attempting to return it to his robes.

''No, I do really'' she said reaching inside his pocket trying to pull it back out. She was standing inches from his face making direct eye contact, while her hands searched his pockets. This innocent closeness felt almost indecent but perhaps it wasn't as innocent as it seemed. It shouldn't take this long to find the mirror and it certainly wasn't in the spot her hand was now in. Jennifer seemed pleased with herself when it was becoming obvious his body was responding in the fashion any normal man would and she suddenly found the mirror and winked at him.

''I can bring that telephone of yours to the shoppe and have that connected too.''

''Okay''

''You know its forbidden to do magic in front of you so the limited things I share with you are intentionally quite benign.''

'' I didn't say anything.''

''You didn't have to. I don't think you can appreciate all the concessions I've made on your behalf. I travel by train when we're together forgoing my given right to apperate. I'm spending most of my time in your world.''

'' I didn't ask you to do that.''

''What choice do I have.''

Thinking to herself that even now he was unwilling to admit how much he cared for her.

''Severus I'm not stopping you from enjoying the benefits of magic. You spend time with me this way because you want to. I'm not holding you hostage so don't use me as an excuse to keep from interacting with anyone. Fly off and do magical things if you want to. That's fine with me but if your hiding out here-''

''I'm not hiding.''

''Good, then stop acting like doing regular things is some kind of punishment.''

''As long as you remember that I'm _choosing_ to do these things.''

Smiling back at him, ''I appreciate that but like you were doing much before we met.''

''I am a former headmaster to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, potions master- ''

Cutting him off before he went any further,'' Severus before we met I twice saw you sitting on a bench reading both times. That's where Charles pointed you out to me. So don't tell me you were awash in magical activities. ''Thank you for the mirror it's very thoughtful.'' Then she kissed him on cheek.

He was still surprised by the relative ease in which she expressed her affections and he had yet to kiss her back. Whenever he felt the urge to make the attempt her longing glances made him feel awkward and self-conscious.

''I told Charles about you."

''And what was his reaction?''

''About what I expected.'' She was gazing at him again in that seductive way. ''I like you Severus... a lot.'' As usually he didn't respond but tried to change the subject back to something else.

''So I'll be taking your mobile then?''

She smiled back at him, ''why are so afraid of me admitting my feelings?''

He took out his pocket watch, ''we'll be late if we don't leave in the next few minutes.''

She took her gifts and placed them inside the door. Walking back outside she stretched out her hand waiting for him to dutifully take it and of course he did. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek,'' thank you again Severus.''

He loved watching her and even enjoyed her do the most mundane things. Sometimes they just sitting silently on a bench in town drinking tea, other times quarreling like an old married couple over the most irreverent things. She stayed away from her flat even more now hoping to avoid a confrontation with her brother. They became a fixture around town using the café outside the bookstore as a regular meeting place.


	8. Chapter 8

**8 A visit home**

Leaving the small local theatre Severus and Jennifer were walking home while he nervously anticipated what might unfold that evening. "You're unusually quiet tonight. Didn't you enjoy it?"

Trying to shake off her drowsiness and perking up, ''No I was just thinking about the last act.'' She started to turn off in the direction of the flat and noticed he had stopped.

''Would you care for a drink?" he asked casually.

Looking back in the direction they had just come from she turned around waiting for him to catch up.

''I meant at my home'' he said.

He'd spent the whole evening anticipating asking her home and now her less than immediate response was giving him some anxiety. He'd kept his location from her as a final barrier separating them thinking if he kept her out of his home he truly didn't have to admit he'd fallen for her.

Her late night working was catching up with her and it took a few seconds to realize what he said. Despite fighting the need for sleep she easily said, '' I'd love to.''

She knew he lived about a 40 minute walk away but wasn't sure exactly where. They reached the bridge separating her newer part from the older mostly abandoned section on the other side of the river. Since all of the shoppes were in her area she'd never been to the older part. Most people hadn't been either because it always looked so gloomy and made people feel uneasy.

''You live over there?" She frowned and halted as she saw where he was leading her.

''Yes, I'm certain I've mentioned it before?''

''No, you haven't. I'm not going over there.''

"I promise you'll remain unscathed.''

He reached for her hand since she was clearly not going to come unassisted and literally had to pull her the first few steps. They past several old looking row houses, a deserted long closed factory alongside the river . The entire area looked run down as trash was thrown about with and a few rats freely roaming the streets. Trying to quell her uneasiness about being led down a empty street devoid of any life she started questioning him. "Does anyone live here besides you? Most of these houses look abandoned."

''Not very many, most of them are elderly.''

Still looking around she wrapped her hands around his arm trying to make herself feel safer.

''It's not as frightening as it seems you're perfectly safe with me.''

''What's that smell?''

''Jennifer its simply an old street. There are no hidden beast hiding in the shadows.'' He said getting tired of her complaints. Hoping to assuage her her fears he illuminated the surrounding streets and buildings. Instead of calming her this alarmed her even further because the she felt as if the buildings were closing in on her. She gripped her escort even tighter and refused to open her eyes more than a squint. He smiled to himself enjoying the results of her fright. ''I'm here to protect you from your imagination,''he said making light of the fear.

''It's nice to know that when I'm terrified you think it's funny.'' Not wanting to hurt his feelings she tried not to say anything else about the area's condition. His neighborhood made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

''Is this a magic neighborhood?'' The howling wind only heightened her fear.

''The feeling you have right now was created artificially. This is a Muggle neighborhood but I charmed it some time ago to keep my location secret. It's meant to confuse any who were searching for me.'' He'd hoped that the charm wouldn't have affected her as much since she was well aware of magic. The charm partially worked by exploiting Muggles ignorance of magic.

''The charm makes you feel scared?''

''Not exactly, assuming one doesn't already know where I live, it discourages those of the wizarding world from taking notice but sometimes has a strange effect on Muggles. In some it creates a sense of fear in others they just ignore it completely, it slightly distorts your perception. ''

''So it doesn't really look this gloomy?''

''It has seen better days but no, it doesn't look as bad as it appears. The smell is unchanged. Unfortunately I didn't have to enchanted that.

''What about the people who live here? You just took it upon yourself to do that? That's pretty arrogant Severus."

''They have no idea. They simply see it as it truly is. The charm had no affect on them.''

''What if someone new wanted to moved in?

''No one _wants _to live here. Those few who remain have little choice. The charm is less effective the more time you spend here.''

''Do you know any of these people?''

''Why would you ask that?''

''You've lived here all your life so you must know some of them. It still seems wrong to put these people under a spell.''

''I don't need to justify my actions and the ministry doesn't care about a dying Muggle borough with a hand full of pensioners. They have since learned not to waste their time pursuing such nonsense when their resources could be preventing... other things.''

She shrugs her shoulders which he assumes is disapproval.

''If it bothers you it does give them a considerable amount of protection from harm. ''

''That's a nice thing to do Severus it's nothing to be ashamed of.''

Finally reaching his house she couldn't get inside fast enough.

Looking around the front room, ''there are so many books, when you said you like to read as much as I did that was an understatement.''

There were books everywhere and gave the room a claustrophobic feel to it. Some where stacked so high and wide they appeared to be furniture. There was a small very worn sofa and chair. The room was dimly lit by a series of self lighting large candles hovering near the ceiling.

''You don't have electricity? flipping the switch on and of.

''It was turned off when my father died.''

''It's dark'' bumping into the broom laying against the wall. The candles suddenly became much brighter and she could see dust all around the broom.

''It doesn't look like you use that too often.''

''Taking an interest in magic? This is a first for you. Out of all the things I've told you this is what interest you?''

''I guess so. I always thought it was funny how you can use those. I never see that at home.''

''Perhaps you just never noticed.''

''It would be hard to miss a bunch of people flying around on brooms all the time.''

''And you've noticed it here.''

'' Well...no.''

''I can fly without a broom or any other aid.''

''Really?''

''It's quite rare. Has your brother never used a broom to travel at all?''

''I know he can. I remember him telling us he learned how to but I don't remember him using one when we lived at home. Of course he hid most of his things like that anyway so he might be using all the time.'' She was walking around the small room, delighted with all the books.

''How does he move about? Portkey?''

Only half listening to him she was so fascinated by some of the book titles. ''What.. oh I don't know he just vanishes most of the time.''

''That isn't an insurmountable accomplishment''

Coming back to him ''what?''

''Vanish... disapparate as its properly called. Grab my arm and hold tight I'll show you.'' He was very excited.

''I don't want to vanish. I'm always nervous when Charles does that.'' She refused his outstretched arm.

''Take my arm it's perfectly safe children do this.''

''Well go find one and take them instead. I'm not a witch Severus I don't want to vanish. Besides I thought it was forbidden, except in emergencies.''

''I told you the ministry has more important things to enforce. Now take my arm, it gives you the ability to travel anywhere instantly at the blink of an eye.'' Judging by the useless charm protecting her brothers flat, he doubled her brother had ever mastered side along appiration.

''Can we visit my storage unit in the US, I left some things back home and would love to get them.''

Looking at her to see if she was serious, ''storage unit? No that's much too far. It would need to be someplace closer. Perhaps Stonehenge, you were just asking about it Sunday.''

''No, it's unnatural. If I wanted to vanish don't you think I would have done it by now. If Muggles haven't invented it i'm not using it.''

''So that little sack of magical goods I've seen you with... you're going to stop using them?''

''Well...no those are harmless things...you know about those?''

''Yes, and if the Ministry were doing their jobs properly they would be enforcing the secrecy statutes.'' A few innocuous items by a Muggle relation are low priorities for the Ministry right now he thought.

''They haven't said anything to me or Charles yet. Besides ,I need those things.''

''You need... those things? In what way do you require those items?'' He came over and looks at her ring and slowly turns it and her fingernail polish instantly displays a different color with each turn. ''Yes, I see how essential this is to your well being.''

She snatches her hand away, ''these are different because... they just are. Vanishing is completely different...and dangerous.''

''But you have no qualms about traveling in those metal contraptions that sometimes fall out of the sky killing all those aboard. My word Jennifer I'm giving you an unparalleled opportunity here.''

''I had no idea you took notice of plane crashes Severus.'' She said smiling at him.

''I read the newspaper'' he was disappointed in her response.

''You live here year round?'' she asked

''Yes, this doesn't meet your satisfaction.'' He was annoyed that she had rebuffed his offer.

''It's quint...very unique.''

She couldn't believe this was his home. It didn't look like any type of modern home she had ever seen before. The outside looked normal enough but the inside looked as if she had stepped back in time. The antique looking furniture was extremely worn and the house overall looked as if it had only been superficially cleaned. There was a thin layer of dust imbedded on almost every object and parts of the floor had some sort of grimy buildup except for a clean path that lead to the sofa, which thanfully looked old but clean also. A brand new quilt was draped over the old sofa and a couple of plants attempted to brighten the dreary were a few spots of black mold near the ceiling illuminated by the candles. The thick dusty drapes made the already dark room feel even darker and off putting. Charles' flat looked almost identical to any Muggle home but this wasn't at all what she expected. Maybe her brother was the exception and most wizards lived this way.

Motioning for her to have a seat, he seemed oblivious to his decrepit surrounding. Weakly smiling she sits down but not really wanting to touch anything. They talked for a while before he got up to get some wine. Getting up once more to take a look at the strange book titles, she pulls one off the shelf but screams and drops it.

Running in the room ''what's wrong?''

''That book winked at me... I forgot they can move. I haven't seen one of your books in years.''

''I should have warned you about those.''

Picking the book off the floor,''Hinwein Olikus was a brilliant healer but a notorious Casanova.''

Showing her the cover once again the healer was now tipping his hat and bowing to her. Looking at it now she though it looked funny. He put it back on the shelf and brought back two goblets with each containing a small amount of wine. She thought about what Charles had said about curses and looked at Severus skeptically but decided to go with her gut and took a drink because she knew her feelings for Severus were genuine.

''It's good. I didn't know what to expect,'' she was thankful that the glass was clean at least.

''You were expecting something hideous?''

''I thought it might have been cursed.''

Frowning back at her, ''I haven't put anything in the wine and rest assured you're here of your own volition.'' He knew most people thought he went around hexing and jinxing anyone he displeased but this was rare outside of the few people he felt rightly deserved them. It was the anticipation of harm that scared most of his students. They were all so thick, they failed to notice he never carried out his threats.

She was finishing the rest of her wine while he barely touched his so he offered her his remaining amount curious to see if she was willing to drink from his glass. She steps forward and drinks some and then puts the goblet back up to his mouth to take a sip before she finished the rest.

With a flick of his wand he turned on his wireless to what sounded like classical music.

''You like this type of music?''

''Not especially, but isn't this what you're listening to all the time? I though you would enjoy it.''

She wondered why he had thought she liked classical music but remembers her mobile phone. He must have mistaken the tunes announcing a phone call for music.

She listened to him was droning on about the history of something only chiming in at regular intervals to appear interested. She was feeling the effects of the wine and her eyelids were growing heavy by the second.

''I have something I want to show you.''

Mistaking her drowsiness for boredom he left to get a book he'd recently bought but hadn't yet given to her.

Thinking to herself, I'll just close my eyes for a few seconds until he comes back and they I'll give him my full attention. He found her asleep when he returned.


	9. Chapter 9

**9 Accidental Magic**

* * *

><p>''God my head is killing me.'' Jennifer sat up looking around a little confused about where she was. She was in a small room with a bed and wardrobe but also full of books.<p>

Where am I? She accidentally knocked over a small pitcher of water on the night stand. Severus briefly knocked on the door then walked in ''ah you're awake, _Repario!_''

Answering her questioning gaze, ''you fell asleep in the chair. I hope you don't mind but I didn't wake you.''

''This is your room?'' Unlike the dingy room she was in last night this one was as spotless as an upscale hotel.

Both sides of the bed looked slept in and she was in a night-shirt so she had to wonder, "and where did you sleep Mr. Snape?"

''In the other room of course.'' He was somewhat offended by the insinuation that he would have taken advantage of her.

She was relieved that their first time together wasn't forgotten in a sleepy drunken haze. ''Uh where are my clothes?''

He nodded in the direction of a chair. ''Over there, I though you would be more comfortable in something else.''

Looking back down at the shirt, reassuringly he said ''I changed them magically of course'' hoping to quell any lingering doubts she had about last night. Her misgivings weren't about finally sleeping with him. She was looking forward to that and tried to make her desires plainly known but her main issue was not being able remember the event.

''No, its fine.'' She was almost a little disappointed he hadn't at least tried. With a coy smile she couldn't help but ask him. ''Did you plan to ply me with alcohol last night so it would be easier to have your way with me?''

His embarrassment was clear, ''no, of course not.''

''To bad... it would have worked even without the wine.''

He stood there thinking about what to do next. If she hadn't fallen asleep last night they might have both been waking up in his bed exhausted from an evening of finally discovering each other's bodies.

''The loo is at the end of the hallway.'' He closed the door behind him. He wanted to be in control and wasn't about to let her seduce him.

* * *

><p>After showering and changing back into her clothes that had been cleaned overnight,she walked around the small house looking for him. She called him several times but after no answers she notices that the bookcase is slightly ajar and has some type of hidden door. ''Severus are you up here?''<p>

Following a faint noise up the narrow staircase she came to a small room and found him in large laboratory. He glanced at her but immediately returned to his work. This room was also spotless and in the corner there was a small neatly arranged bed.

''This is my private laboratory you shouldn't be in here.'' Since he said this without any real indication he wanted her to leave she didn't move.

''Then you shouldn't have left the door open."

"I didn't think you'd go wandering about."

Feeling now that he didn't really want her here after all, ''I'll get my things.''

Finally stopping to look up at her, ''is my company so insufferable that you feel you have to escape at the first opportunity?''

Thinking to herself that's the closest I'll ever get to an invitation to stay, she stepped further into the lab.

''These are ingredients?'' Amazed by all the vials and the labels affixed to the jars she couldn't look away.

''Don't touch anything'' he called out, she moved closer to him to get a better look at what he was brewing.

"Please step back" but she didn't move in the slightest.

''Is it dangerous?"

''Not ordinarily," he was just starting to correctly brew certain potions again and was certain this one was coming a long nicely but still wanted to take precautions if he faltered again.

''What kind of potion is it?"

''A healing potion'' he lied, reluctant to tell her it was a frivolous beauty potion. He wanted to sell this one as soon as he could since there were so many people maimed during the war. This provided a temporary solution to those self-conscious about venturing out in public with hideous scars. He put in the last ingredients and started to leave the room assuming she would follow him but she stood transfixed as the contents of the cauldron turned purple then blue and then pink.

Grabbing her hand and pulling her to the door "let's go, that potion will be simmering all day and you don't want to inhale those vapors."

Returning back down stairs and looking around the place it didn't look as dingy as it appeared yesterday.

''Your house somehow looks different from yesterday.''

Trying to sound perplexed, ''does it? It must have been the dim light.''

Although she tried to hide it he saw the near revulsion she felt upon seeing his home last night. He had removed all the unnecessary magical objects and used a Scouring Charm yesterday morning but it couldn't erase years of neglect. He contacted a service who sent over a professional who used a myriad a cleaning spells working all night and transforming his home and even cleaned her clothes. He didn't want the cleaning spells to be too obvious so he asked the cleaner not to make it look spotless. He'd forgotten how his home would seem to someone like her. I did look quite different from the average muggle home he imagined. He'd thought he had grown used to these contrasting worlds but only now realized he'd always been on its peripheral.

Jennifer watched him make breakfast or rather he the directed the pans to do it for him.

''I thought you took all of your meals out? You could have cooked for me all along. I've let you off too easy.'' she said stealing his last bit of sausage off his plate.

''No, That's a recent development. I am just a humble school teacher.''

He was still keeping up the charade that he couldn't come into her flat so when she cooked for him she brought out chairs and ate it on her front walkway.

''You love brewing potions don't you?''

''It's challenging but I do enjoy the rewards of precise work. It's a very delicate undertaking.''

''Don't you just put things in a pot?'' She was irritating him in a way only she could as he'd recently discovered the last few months.

" No, it certainly is not. I'm an exceptional potions master.'' He didn't realize she is only teasing him so he goes on further. ''I'll have you know that potion brewing is one of the oldest forms of magic. Even Muggles have tried to imitate it over the years. In your own country New Orléans is famous world-wide for it.''

''That's Voodoo it's not the same thing.''

''Jennifer you're a clever women surely you know by now that magic has many names across the world.''

''Well you learn something new everyday I suppose.''

''You Muggles have fairy-tales full of magic.''

''Those aren't real. They're just stories.''

''They were based on things that were once very real to them. Charles never told you that."

''No''

" Good he shouldn't.''

''Then why are you telling me all of this?''

'' I do not tolerate ignorance.''

''You're right I should have known that but cut me some slack okay. I don't spend my spare time sitting around thinking about magic.''

''Jennifer are you admitting I'm right for once I'm shocked.'' He flashed a quick smile but started feeling awkward at her continuing gaze. He found it increasing hard to hide his attraction to her. As far he let her know the attraction was all on her part. He couldn't even understand why she was interested in him but he was determined not to be hurt again.

She got up to look at some award hanging on the wall and he came up behind her looking over her shoulder.

''Awarded to me in school for perfecting some original spells.''

She could tell he was standing right behind her and decided that he wouldn't make a move on his own. Pretending to not know he was there she took a step back bumping into him. He was now pressed against her and grabbed her waist to steady her.

''Sorry I didn't know you were that close.'' His hand lowered to her hips, he smelled his own soap on her skin and he couldn't seem to take his hand away. The material of her dress was thin and he couldn't feel the outline of knickers along her hips. She wasn't wearing any. His mind began to wander and he unconsciously begin to slowly inch her dress up on the side.

''Can you really read minds?''

He realized what he was doing and let her dress fall back down again ''As I've told you it's not-''

Turning around to face him she gently moved her hips against him,''what am I thinking now?''

Looking at her magnetic smile and her hand twirling her hair daring him to view her thoughts, he couldn't believe this moment. Clearly she was interested in more than small talk.

''Your thinking about something you shouldn't.''

Knowing just a few seconds ago he wanted to lift her dress and feeling his building excitement pressed against her she went to kiss him on the lips but he turned his head and it landed on his cheek.

''Am I? You obviously like what I'm thinking,'' she said as he refused to move his hand when she tried to guide it underneath her dress.

''I didn't have to view your thoughts to see that.''

She was making it quite obvious what she wanted but he'd lost his nerve. His erection however was another matter as he had to quickly think of something unpleasant in order to lose it. This was proving difficult as he kept imaging her sprawled across his bed with himself buried deep within her and all the other things they could do together. He wondered why he was now afraid of this simple act when he'd risked his life numerous times with the Dark Lord. This was an entirely new fear with no clearly defined goal to guide him. He was not without experience, however he wasn't used to the desire he now felt. The number of women he'd been with could be counted on one hand with a couple of fingers to spare. The youthful desires he held for Lily seemed hallow in comparison to what he now felt. He pulled away from her and moved back to the table.

The vision of her sleeping in his own clothes last night made it even harder. He checked on her several times last night for no reason and simply stood there watching her as she slept wildly across both sides of the bed. At one point she turned on her back and threw the sheets off. The night-shirt had risen so it was no longer covering her red knickers. Those long soft looking, coffee-colored legs were almost beckoning him to her and he had stepped closer into the room thinking she was actually awake and welcoming him inside. This was all in his mind of course. The room was simply too warm so he cooled it and she gradually turned back on her side pulling the sheet on top of her. He had a fleeting thought of just taking her and casting a spell later to erase her memory, but it passed as quickly as it entered his mind. He'd done many things as Death Eater but never crossed _that_ line. He wanted her freely not by force or some enchantment.

''You know what you haven't seen my magic yet.''

''You have magic?'' giving her a confused look.

''Oh yeah'' she ran to get something from her handbag which she placed in her pocket.

''Now my skills are a little rusty and I don't have my wand.''

"Your wand?'' he stole a glance at his wand hoping she wasn't foolishly going to ask to use his.

''I haven't seen it since I was about 12 and I don't have my cape.''

He relaxed since he now thought she was talking about something her brother must have attempted to teach her as a child not knowing it was impossible.

''Robes not capes Jennifer.''

''We call them capes, of course I never knew where the top hat came from. Is that something wizards used to wear?''

''I have no idea what you are referring to."

''Magicians, I know we get the plastic wand and cape from wizards but I always wondered why the hat."

''Magician?''

''Oh, you've never seen one. Well it's Muggles imitating wizards. Well they don't know that's what their doing but it's fairly obvious.''

''I see''

As she smiled mischievously he decided to play along with her little game. Being here in his own home gave him much more confidence than he normally had with her. Reaching behind his ear she pulled a coin from behind it then another from the other ear.

Feigning astonishment, ''brilliant'' he said.

With a slight hand movement she then makes both seemingly disappear and then reappear from her sleeve he assumed.

Amused by her trick, ''very good.''

''Thank you, not everyone appreciates good magic.''

''It's their loss'' he said.

''Okay for this one I don't want you to worry I'm okay.'' With that preface she made a movement of her hands appearing with great likeness to take her thumb clean off with her other hand and then reattaching it.

''You clearly have talent Jennifer'' he said as he was honesty enjoying her little performance.

''Now for my next trick I will need some audience participation as she took from her pocket a deck of cards with a red telephone booth on the back and all sorts of stereotypical English items on the front, and makes 3 piles.

"Do you always carry that around with you?''

''It's a gift for my godson but I keep forgetting to take it out and mail it. Now pick a card and don't tell me what it is.''

''Is that the magic? you're going-''

''Hush Severus,'' she was half way turned around ''now I say the magic word ABRACADA...''

She doesn't get the chance to finish. Upon hearing her whisper those first few syllables he immediately ducked, grabbed his wand without thinking and sent her flying into the wall along with several heavy jars which came crashing down on her.

* * *

><p>As she was coming around he was peering down at her. She felt disoriented and was lying on the sofa, "do you know where you are? Whats my name? What's today's date?<p>

''I'm at your house Severus, it's Friday, why are you asking me that? What happened?''

''Can you stand'? He said glaring at her and stepping back a few paces so he could gauge her stability.

She rose unaided but had felt like she had bumped into something.

''Come here'' he was watching her gait intensely for any signs of instability. As upset as he was he would never forgive himself if he seriously hurt her.

''What happened?

He ignored her question, ''do you feel light-headed?''

''What happened Severus?'' she had a horrible taste in her mouth and started frowning.

''No concussion'' he said as if ticking something off a checklist. ''Do you taste something rancid?''

''Yes''

''I gave you something and the foul taste is a side effect. It means it's working. You are fortunate that none of the jars shattered.''

''The last thing I remember I was trying to show you a trick . What happened Severus?''

''I threw you into the wall,'' he said without the any trace of regret or emotion.

''Why!...why would you do that?''

''Don't make a fuss. I didn't hurt you'' he said coldly.

Pointing his wand at her, ''who told you that curse?''

''You can't be serious how on earth could I possibly curse you.'' Giving him a questioning look she had no idea what he was talking about. He lowered his was nothing to fear she was a Muggle he was sure of it. ''Did your brother teach you that? Doesn't he know it wouldn't work for you?''

''What curse? What are you talking about?''

''The one you were about to say.''

''That silly little phase? That's a child's game. It doesn't mean anything. Everyone says that when their pretending to do magic, it's harmless.''

With more warmth in his voice, ''Jennifer do you know what that means? It causes instant death when spoken by a wizard.''

''That's impossible otherwise people would die all the time Abracadabra is made up.''

Cringing and shaking his head, ''no that's not it... is that what you were saying? You said it so fast.''

''Yes, that's all I said.''

''I thought you were saying something else, it sounds so similar. You say this is a child's game.''

''Its been around since...since forever it's _the_ magic word, everyone knows it, how do you not know this!''

''Because I do _real_ magic and we don't need a silly, diluted, imaginary phrase.'' He spat it out without considering how hurtful it sounded but she looked on the verge of tears.

''It's real'' she said quietly.

''Very real, just slightly changed enough through the years to make it harmless for ignorant Mug-'' he caught himself before finishing but of course it was too late.

Seeing a dark side of him left her shaken and wanting to leave as fast as possible.

''I need to go,'' she said so coldly. He preferred her yelling at him to this new manner.

With disgust in her eyes she moved for the door and he quickly glanced away. Knowing there wasn't anything he could say at this point that would make her feel better about him but he tried anyway.

''Wait ...let me explain.''

''Nothing to explain just you being cold, hard, uncaring, Muggle hating Severus you being you.'' This time she couldn't hold back the tears.

''Let me walk with you.''

''No, I'm okay I can walk by myself.''

''You still might be a bit disoriented,'' he said grateful that he'd only used a weak stunning spell and nothing stronger.

''I'd rather be alone.''

''It's an automatic reflex for me. I didn't take the time to think.''

''No, I though I was trying to kill you but it doesn't change bearing the brunt of your reaction.''

He still refused to let her walk alone. He stayed a few steps behind her walking in silence since she didn't want him in her sight.

Walking up the stairs she was trying to find her key when he unexpectedly leaned in and his lips lightly brushed hers whispering in his low sexy voice, ''I am very sorry.''

''I know'' she said and walked inside.

He felt horrible and couldn't think of any other way to console her than that kiss. Leaving her at the door, he planned on returning the next day with this little misunderstanding hopefully behind them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Desire**

* * *

><p>After leaving Spinners End Jennifer spent the rest of the day finishing her work and went to bed early.<p>

The next day she woke up feeling like being hit by a truck. She looks down at her arms and notices all the bruises. Moving past the talking mirror it shrieked so loudly she regretted moving it into her room a few months ago and threw her blanket on top just so it would shut up. She went to her bathroom mirror to get better look without all the screaming. The image staring back at her was startling. She had bruises everywhere. It didn't feel that bad last night she though. She went to her other cosmetics bag to see if she had anything that would help.

Thanks to Charles she had all kinds of things: hair remover tonic guaranteed to last a year. Hair restorer tonic that grew hair in seconds. A hat the became invisible and could instantly change your hairstyle and protected your hair from the elements and if pulled too far down made your whole head disappear. Shoes that made her dance like she'd been taking lessens for years. As embarrassed as he was to buy it, she also had _Mrs Xuilos freedom drink _which prevented you from having a monthly cycle if you drank the sour tasting brew. Jennifer couldn't find anything for bruises but she did find something for sealing small gashes. She dabbed a small amount on to test it first. Her father had learned the hard way,that sometimes even simple harmless magic can have ill effects on muggles sometimes. His beard once talked and sang songs for a week after using a magical razor touted to give a ''perfect shave every time.''

To her horror the ointment caused an orange-colored cut to painlessly appear and then instantly heal. She looked at the label more closely and it read _not to be used in the absence of cuts, will cause cut s to appear. _That's stupid she thought as the tossed it in the trash who would _want_ a cut to appear.

Getting dressed she was more angry than yesterday muttering, ''he only gave me a half-assed apology, fuck him I can't believe I was ready to just forgive him.'' Putting on a pair of exercise shorts and a tank top even though it was cold outside, she wanted him to see his handy work in full view. About 3 minutes to 9 she walked outside and sat down on the steps since he normally comes at 9 on the dot. She wanted to be sitting there waiting for him before he showed up. She saw someone approaching and threw her coat off but it wasn't him.

Mrs Boswell from next door was coming back from walking her dog and stopped to speak. When the elderly woman got a better look, ''My God child what happened to you?''

Seeing Severus now walking down the street they both turned to look at him. Shaking her head at him, Mrs Boswell didn't like what she saw, "Oh he's not worth it they'll never change.''

''It's okay Mrs Boswell.''

Thinking her neighbor would leave as he approached she surprised her by waiting until he got there. He let out a gasp when he saw Jennifer.

Mrs Boswell was glaring at him, ''ought to be ashamed of yourself look at her! I should call the authorities myself.''

He was completely taken aback by Jennifer's appearance.

Trying to sound confident "it's okay Mrs Boswell he didn't do it."

''Huh didn't do it my arse is that why he's looking like he's been bloody caught red-handed."

''Thank you for your concern Mrs Boswell,'' she said trying to get rid of her.

She finally took a hint and started to leave but not before saying under her breath, "young people, don't know what's good for um." Before she went back inside in a loud voice she said, ''Jennifer love, if you need me I'm right here.''

"What did you tell her?'' he asked.'

''I'm fine Severus thanks for asking.'' Before he could speak,''I didn't tell her anything but she has eyes or haven't you noticed.''

Picking up her coat and placing it around her, ''lets go inside,'' he says.

''I though you couldn't come in."

''It's a very poor charm.'' He was about to take out his wand when she stopped him.

"She's probably watching from the window. "

He moves inside the covered area just outside the door, says an incantation and walks in.

Safely inside the flat, ''if you could have come in this whole time then why didn't you?''

''It's not polite'' looking her up and down taking inventory of her bruises.

"Do they hurt?" he said raising her arm examining it.

"They're bruises... they feel like bruises.''

''Jennifer, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am."

Annoyed with his typical reserved demeanor she sigh, '' try.''

''I don't know what you want me to say."

''Look, I really have a lot of work to do so I think you should just-''

''I can heal them," he said quickly.

''If it makes you feel better.''

''Please let me do something."

''Do you even know why I'm upset?"

''Because I slammed you into a wall and you're covered in bruises.''

Shaking her head at his unfaltering misplaced logic, ''I'm upset because I've known you for months and this is the first time you've shown any type of emotion towards me and then you give me nothing but ... but this! We've spent all this time together and you think I would try to kill you?''

Interrupting her, ''I told you it was a-"

''Just a reflex I know, but it scares me that your natural reflex would be to fling me across the room rather than believe that I wouldn't try to hurt you. It scares me that I've told you everything about me, but you hold back EVERY TIME. ''

Looking at him trying to get any kind of reaction, ''I know that in spite me not being a witch you're attracted to me but can't admit it.''

He says nothing and there is a tension so thick neither of them can speak. Sitting on the edge of the small sofa,'' let me heal you.''

He had her lay down on the sofa and pointed his wand at her _Episkey!_ Feeling a slightly warm sensation she watched as the bruises begin to disappear.

''How does that feel?

''Okay"

''I can make you feel better.''

Bending down he hesitantly kisses her, she kisses him back, cursing herself in her head for doing it.

''So soft'' he said as he runs his hands up and down her legs continuing to kiss her. The taste of her lips made him regret waiting so long.

''No Severus''

He stops for a few seconds but looking into her eyes he starts again. He took out his wand and her knickers disappeared leaving only the thin shorts creating a perfect outline everything beneath. His hand disappears inside her shorts. She felt so warm around him and couldn't wait to completely feel her silkiness and replace his fingers with his cock. With her eyes closed he knew she was enjoying his touch as she kissed him deeper and caressed the arm that was creating the wonderful sensations between her legs. Not really wanting him to stop but feeling she ought to anyway, she pulled his hand from inside and said ''don't.''

''I want you...let me touch you,'' he said wanting to continue.

At that moment he hadn't wanted anything as badly as he wanted to explore every inch of her now. He cast a Disillusionment Charm around in the unlikely event her brother showed up and enlarged the sofa so it was now the width of a large bed.

Leaning in closer and kissing her again the dull throbbing she felt between her legs was hard to ignore as he was now directly on top of her. He pressed against her and the thin fabric she had on was providing very little resistance to the intense friction as he began to grind against her. She could feel his excitement pressing into her further and his tongue found its way into her mouth and she knew she had to stop. Pushing him slightly she was unwilling or unable to continue with this.

Thinking to herself what is the matter with me. After I woke up I intended to show him my injuries and distance myself from him permanently. How did I let it go from that to allowing him to touch me this way with his tongue swirling in my mouth. I won't let this happen. It's wrong on so many levels to be aroused laying underneath the man who physically assaulted you the day before. I'm better than this.

''No, I don't wanna do this now."

In a deep silky voice ''yes you do.'' Seeing that she was hesitant his hands were now roaming below her top gently squeezing her breast.

He kept on grinding and another weak ''no'' escaped her lips but it didn't sound too convincing. He started nuzzling her ear which was one of her most sensitive areas so she was aroused even more. She responded by opening her legs wider so he could get closer. There was now a visible wet spot on her light blue shorts. He moved again and slipped his hand back inside her wetness as she clamped herself around his frantic fingers. She didn't want to be one of those women that said no but meant yes sending mixed signals but it felt so good. On the verge of orgasm she finally removed his hand as she didn't want it to be this way. Her unwillingness to go forward was disappointing but he kept moving against her like a 15 year old virgin. He was breathing louder and shifted slightly causing an entirely new sensation which send her over loudly over the edge. With her hands wrapped around his neck they were madly kissing like a pair of teenagers home alone for the first time. He watched with delight as her face contorted in complete ecstasy while her body shook.

With a dazed smile she was now completely relaxed. Her legs have just turned to jelly she reached up to unbuckle his trousers slipping her hand inside she noticed he didn't have on any type of underwear and wondered if he always walked around that way or magically took them off just now. He felt her warm hand gripping him and his body betrayed him. Her hand felt so good he couldn't help himself. He was loudly panting and it seemed like no sooner had she touched him when she felt him explode with a rough groan all over her stroking hand. With the flick of his wrist he removed the remaining evidence of his premature excitement. She had expected him to pull off her shorts and squeeze between her legs so she was surprised and a little disappointed by how quickly he reacted to her. She wanted to feel him fully right now.

* * *

><p>After they had both calmed down, he spoke first, ''I'm sorry a man of my age... in my trousers like a bloody 13 year old but it's been a long time since anyone touched me that way. I hope I didn't-''<p>

''It's alright, but I never figured you were one to make noises, how long has it been?''

''About seven years'' It embarrassed him to make those sounds, even at the height of passion he preferred more control than he displayed today.

''I'm no better it only took a few minutes of dry humping to send me over the edge.''

She reached for him but he pulled away.

He was so eager just a while ago but her hesitation saved him from embarrassment. If the mere touch of her hand was any indication he wouldn't have lasted more than a few seconds inside her.

''It's okay Severus we can wait until your ready'' she said leaning in to kiss him.

What little self-assurance he'd regained over the past few months by his renewed ability to do magic, was once again shattered. His next question caught her off guard.

''Why are you doing this?''

''Doing what?''

''All of this,'' he said motioning his hands back and forth between them. ''I'm not a rich man or a mildly handsome one and you've said yourself I'm not even pleasant to be around. I see the way men look at you.''

''After what just happened I'd say it's a little too late to be asking that don't you think?''

He said nothing but looked embarrassed.

''I don't care what other men are thinking, and you're are not ugly.''

''I'm not handsome either'' he retorted.

''Handsome can be overrated anyway. Most of those guys are so full of themselves they hardly even know you're there most of the time .''

While it wasn't a glowing endorsement about his looks he appreciated her honesty. '' You still haven't answered my question, why have you been seeing me?''

''Why does it matter?''

''I want to know,'' he said taking the opportunity to kiss her again.

Smiling back at him, ''Severus, you can be a difficult person to be around but I also know there is another side to you that peeks out when you let your guard down.'' He makes a snorting noise. ''I didn't have the chance to meet anyone else because you monopolized all my time. I either had to learn to like you or kill you. Plus I've been told...that sometimes I can be difficult.''

He snorted again, ''you could have met others.''

''Not anyone like you. You have this perpetual sadness about you. Like someone being forced to go on with life against their will. You just seem so closed off and alone and I wanted change that. I would see you sitting in the park reading and you looked so sad sometimes. I just refused to believe that you were this dangerous man that my brother warned me about. But the night we met... I don't know why I was so scared...I just was. But I also found you so intriguing and I guess the old cliché about women always trying to fix people is true.''

''So in short you felt sorry for me. I'm a charity project of yours?''

''No, of course not, I shouldn't have said you need fixing. We both have issues I just wanted you to open up to someone. You sometimes drop these revelations on me out of no where and when I try to ask you more about it, you just shut down. I want to know more Severus.''

''And what makes you singularly qualified for that? he said almost whispering.

Laying her head on his shoulder ''I'm a woman.''

This time he knew to put his arms around her and kissed her.

'' And since we're playing twenty questions, Severus why did it take you so long to finally tell me you were interested in me?''

He just lowered his head and sighed but remained otherwise silent.

''You can't avoid all emotions it's what makes us human.''

''Philosopher, carer, analyst, your education certainly has provided you with a plethora of talents.''

Lifting her head, ''why do you always have to do that?''

''Its weakness of mine.''

''Severus I do the same thing. As soon as I get close to someone, I do something to push them away.''

''By doing what?''

''Just stupid things''

''Like seeing someone else behind your last boyfriend's back.''

''Yeah well...''

He squeezed her hand, ''I'm not in habit of allowing my emotions to be freely expressed it's safer that way.''

''Professor, your failed miserably,'' she said rubbing his arm.

''I though I was hiding my attraction to you fairly well.''

''Really? It was pretty obvious. What did you think we were doing the last couple of months? Everyone knows we were dating. We make quite the pair around town Severus. You in those black robes and me in... well normal clothes.''

''Everyone? I don't know these Mug- these people here.'' Of course they had been going out together. He was deluding himself into thinking otherwise.

''Severus this is a small place, we've spent all this time together. ''You don't drop by a woman's home 3-4 times a week just to be platonic friends and you don't look at me the way you do just because you're trying being nice. I know you by now and you aren't that nice. Just because you've never taken the time to get to know these people doesn't mean they don't remember or notice you. An American woman walking around with the local eccentric is going to garner some attention.''

''I never bothered with the locals.''

''The general belief is you're harmless and I know your lying you grew up with some of them. At least before you went to school. You can't tell me you weren't expecting something to happen when you invited me to your house?''

His pale skin released a hint of pink revealing his true expectations of their first time together.

Sitting on the sofa he stared at her, and drew his hand to her head, "can I touch your...'' but pulled back realizing he was reaching for her before she could answer."

''My hair? You want to touch my hair?''

Although she was smiling back at him he recognized just how awful he sounded "my apologies that was very rude.''

''It wasn't rude, its okay.''

He brought his fingers back to her hair and pulled apart the soft shoulder length brown curls so different than his own jet black hair as they snapped back into place.

"You are so beautiful" kissing her again. The wizarding world had long ago learned to look past such trivial differences such as race but he still found their physical differences enticing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Supper**

* * *

><p>Weeks slipped by and they still hadn't consummated their relationship. He'd brushed off her offers too embarrassed about his first attempt.<p>

''I can't believe this is the same park we crossed a couple of weeks ago it looks harmless,'' Jennifer said.

They sat on the park bench watching the leavings falling. He transformed a patch of glass into a large warm blanket. They were alone as usual, hardly anyone ventured here anymore because of the enchantment and all the children usually preferred the newer park. They were passing the lazy afternoon laying down when he closed his eyes unconsciously uttered ''Lily."

''Whose Lily!"

He looked mortified and realized the name he'd just spoken

"Well who the hell is she?''

Cursing himself for letting his mind wander, ''no one, just someone I used to know.''

''And you wish you were here with her instead of me? ''

''No! I haven't seen her since we finished Hogwarts. We used to play here when we were very young. I don't know why I said that it was just a slip of the tongue.''

Why had he insisted on bringing her to this park where he first met Lily. This place was almost sacred to him and in some perverse way he wanted to somehow incorporate Jennifer into it. He now thought it was an absurd and thoughtless idea. He hadn't even been thinking of Lily. Certainly not now and not in _that_ way. There was no way of explaining that his feelings for Lily were still those of an innocent teenager and uttering her name had little to do with any sexual feelings . He hadn't thought of Lily in a long time. He'd pledged that he would love her always and in some small way he knew a part of him would. He smiled thinking she would be happy he'd met Jennifer. Of course Jennifer took his smile to mean something else and started to leave.

''You don't have to lie.''

She was hurt that he was thinking of this woman but knew he wasn't seeing anyone else either and knew he was telling the truth.

He couldn't very well tell her the truth. Being here with Jennifer brought back so many memories. That evening he decided to make his next attempt at seducing her perfect. He wanted to go on holiday with her as soon as she was able to take the time off. He hoped a change in scenery would help his anxiety.

* * *

><p>A few days later the incident was forgotten by Jennifer and she thought it was finally time for her brother and Severus to meet. Charles stood outside waiting for Severus to arrive so he could temporally release the charm for him. He was still unaware Severus had quite easily gotten around it.<p>

''Good evening'' Severus said.

Charles nodded his head back in response ''Professor Snape.''

''You may call me Severus, my students are the only ones required to call me Professor'' he said. He knew Americans were very informal and for once he didn't want to start out on unfriendly terms.

''I prefer to keep the formalities if you don't mind, _Professor Snape_ I know how you English love titles even if they aren't deserving .'' Charles didn't try to hide his contempt.

Severus greeted Jennifer with a kiss that was intentionally too long. This gesture wasn't lost by Charles as he turned and went into the kitchen. Jennifer followed him and poured them each a glass of wine. ''Go talk to him.'' she whispered to Charles pushing him out of the kitchen.

''The food should be ready in about 10 minutes.'' Both men nodded wishing she would come back soon.

Taking a seat on the sofa, ''I understand you work for a Muggle company Mr. Nelson."

''No, I work for an international broomstick company, we have an office here in the UK."

Genuinely thinking he was being helpful Severus he said to Charles,''your enchantments protecting the flat aren't strong enough I can assist you in strengthening them.''

''I'm quite capable of managing... even for a Muggle-born.''

''I meant no offense but I assure you it took me very little effort to defeat them.'' Charles glanced at the kitchen wondering how many times his sister had let this man in his home.

''They were strong enough to keep out You-Know-Who's and the rest of your buddies.''

Severus couldn't ignore that last bit and needled him further. ''Being that you're an American wizard under the protection of your company and with no clear ties to our war you would have been of little interest to those you sought to protect yourself from. I can't imagine they would have come after you.''

''So I wasn't worth the effort is that why you're saying?''

''Precisely'' Severus saw the resemblance between Jennifer and her brother was more than a physical likeness. Those somewhat annoying traits he'd gotten used to in her, were very grating in Charles.

''I didn't expect to be insulted in my home by a dinner guest.''

''It wasn't an insult merely-''

Walking back out from the kitchen having not heard the details of their argument she said ''can you two knock it off, you can't get along for 5 minutes? Dinner is ready.''

''I told Charles about our trip Severus he had some suggestions.''

''Indeed, what were they?''

''My first was to cancel it and leave my sister alone.''

''Charles don't start'' Jennifer said rolling her eyes at him.

''There are a few things most tourist don't know about, not even wizard tourist. I can give you the details later.''

''See, you two can play nice.'' They made small talk for the rest of the main meal, Charles never missing the chance to take a dig at Severus. For his part Severus kept his temper for Jennifer's sake. The supper was important to her and since she and her brother were so close he knew he should attempt to be civil.

* * *

><p>When everyone had finished eating, "Charles can you please do these?" Jennifer ask pointing to dishes. Charles points his wand in the direction of the in the dishes and they start to automatically wash and neatly stack themselves back in the cabinet.<p>

"Do you think it's wise to do magic so openly in front of her? I know the laws in the states are more lenient but I believe you should still use more restraint."

''She's used to it.''

''Yes, but she shouldn't be. She's been watching you do magic since she was a child. She takes it for granted and uses magical objects at her leisure.''

''No, I don't''

''As you've pointed out our American laws are a bit more lenient. I know underage magic is banned outside of school here, but in the states certain things are permissible in your own home. So Professor I've done nothing unlawful in front of her.''

''And what of the magical objects? Those certainly aren't_ permissible._''

Charles looked at his sister, he knew he shouldn't have bought her those things but, but he'd been sharing harmless little objects with her since he first found out about himself. ''Doesn't matter, no one cares. Now as for as the dishes go, DeDe never does dishes if she can avoid it."

''Why should I? It takes nothing for him to do them. There has to be some benefit of keeping all this secret. There's no sense in letting his magic go to waste when it could benefit me."

Severus was annoyed with the pair of them, ''Are you aware of The Statute of Secrecy?'' Severus turned back to Charles.

"Yes, I'm aware of it. I'm also aware that it's meant to protect Muggles from knowing of magic and she's known of magic most of her life so it's hardly a secret.''

''Severus you break that law every time we're together and it can't be much of a law if they only enforce it half the time.'' Jennifer added.

''Your ministry is behind the times professor, in the US our magical enforcement keeps a running list of known family members of Muggle-borns and Half bloods. No sense wasting time sending notices about people who already know magic exist.''

Severus remembered why he hated Americans so much. Annoying know it alls, the lot of them. ''Our laws have their foundation in-'' he stopped speaking and watched Charles as he made a big show of looking all around the room.

''Do you see any of your charming little owls swooping in, dropping letters?''

''That's irrelevant'' Severus hated being patronized.

''I've already had my warning from your ministry, they agreed she was exempt. So we can keep doing all the magic we want in from of _my sister._ '' He then pointed his wand at the ceiling where he transformed it into in replica of fireworks.

Not done yet Severus started to say, ''I still think it's wise-''

''Stop talking about me like I'm not here,'' Jennifer said.

Charles still wanted to make his point "wasn't your father a Muggle?"

Severus shot Jennifer a menacing look, he couldn't believe she told her brother his private business.

''I didn't say anything,'' she said.

Severus remembered that his blood status was now widely known thanks to that book about him.

''Your mother must have used magic around him right?" Charles said with a smug look on his face.

Momentarily at a loss for words Severus stammered, "that is neither here nor there.''

''It's fine,'' Jennifer said ''I've gotten used to it. Besides I'm not go back to manually doing housework. The whole reason I started seeing you was because I wanted to continue this lifestyle. "

Severus didn't know what to say, he was looking from Jennifer to Charles.

Charles chimed in, "she's joking , don't you know she has a strange sense of humor by now?"

Hating being the butt of a joke he turned serious, "why did you tell your sister I would kill her?"

Jennifer almost choked on the piece of pie she was eating.

''Did she tell you how we met? "

''She bumped into you on the street."

Jennifer turned to Severus, ''I didn't tell him all the details.''

''We didn't just have a friendly encounter on the street she had a panic attack thinking I was going to kill her. Why would she think that?''

"I told her you were dangerous for her own protection. I _still_ think you're a dangerous man. Just because you're screwing with my sister it doesn't change my opinion of you. Are you trying to prove how much you've changed by being with her!''

''CHARLES'' she said shocked at his language.

''Well that's all he's doing isn't he? He doesn't care about you. He hates Muggles and Muggle-borns like me. His kind used to hunt down Muggles for sport. He's just using you for sex because no witch would have him.''

''Mr. Nelson you don't know anything about me other than slanderous gossip and your sister-'

''We don't owe him any explanation Severus that's our business!''

Charles decided to make a final blow. ''Did you tell her you killed someone?''

Jennifer looked back to Severus with a stunned look.

Getting angry, "YOU KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES BEHIND THAT!" Severus roared.

''I know that you were a Death Eater and never paid for your crimes," Charles said smoothly.

''You weren't here during the first war you don't know the entire history."

"I was here for most of the second one."

''I ACTED FOR THE GREATER GOOD, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF WE HAD LOST THE WAR!"

''And you really believe that don't you? You think that was the only way you could have possibly helped the war." Severus was then silent.

''What nothing to say? Since you're so proud of what you did why didn't you tell her?''

Severus was visibly upset, ''what... what we discuss is none of your concern!''

''My sister seeing someone like you is my concern, we Mudbloods are funny that way.''

Regaining his composure and now speaking softly, Severus glanced at Jennifer and then back to Charles. "I would never hurt her. Were you forced to register and sent to Azkaban?''

''No, Muggle-born foreigners that didn't return home when the ministry fell were not required since they didn't have an official list of us. I assumed they didn't want any more international intrusion since they were lying to most of the world anyway.''

''Why didn't you leave as well? It wasn't your war.''

''It all happened so fast.''

''You didn't leave because like so many others you chose to turn a blind eye because you weren't directly threatened and now want to claim indignation.''

''Don't be here when I get back," Charles disapparated to a pub. Sitting at the bar drinking he didn't really believe Snape was still a Death Eater. If truly thought that he would have put an end to their relationship as soon as he found out. Maybe it was a mistake not to tell what he'd done but that sister of his was so stubborn, she would have kept seeing that man just to spite him. He had no idea it would have lasted this long. Just the idea of someone with that type of past dating his sister disturbed him.

* * *

><p>Back at the flat Jennifer wanted some answers, "Is it true?"<p>

"Yes but-"

Before he could explain she cut him off, "how could you do that? You've killed people!"

He went to take her hand, "let me explain" he said as she was backing away. '' It was only one person not people

and that-''

''Oh, I'm sorry you killed _one _person. As if _that_ makes a difference! You hunted people down like animals.''

''I never took part in that.''

''So you just watched?''

''No, you don't understand. I had to make them believe I was one of them.''

''Get away from me.''

''Jennifer, I'm the same person I was an hour ago.''

''An hour ago you weren't a murderer to me... what's a Death Eater?''

''We were followers of the Dark Lord... he believed in blood supremacy.''

''Dark lord? You worshiped him? Are you some sort devil worshiper?'' She looked disgusted.

He'd never heard it put quite like this before, but they had all but worshiped him in a way. By any definition the Dark Lord was a devil. ''It's the belief that only those with so-called pure wizarding blood should be in power and those with Muggle blood are inferior...Mudbloods.''

''But you're part ... that doesn't make any sense."

''The Dark Lord was also a half-blood. I know it doesn't make sense, I'm not proud of it.''

''You said you made potions, you lied.''

''No... I am a potions master among other things. I taught defense against the dark arts also.''

''What's that?''

''Exactly what it sounds like...evil magic.''

He explained the war as best he could by giving her a brief synopsis without trying to scare her. She was still shocked that he could casually discuss these events with such a cavalier attitude.

''It was all in my past I though I'd changed enough that it wouldn't matter. I did my duty.''

''For Queen and country then,'' Jennifer said rolling her eyes.

''That's a Muggle saying, I'm no Muggle.''

''Of course you aren't, you hate us right? I'm a plaything to amuse you then.''

''NO!'' Seeing that he was not getting through to her. ''Haven't you ever done something in your youth that you later regretted?''

''I stole some makeup, ditched school, took my father's car joyriding. Did I ever become a spy, join a murderous group that tried to take over the world no... I never did that.''

Shaking his head, ''you know that's not what I mean. Your brother... he never told you anything?''

''No''

''Jennifer, you never _want_ to be told anything about our world. Oh yes, you love the small benefits it affords you but there is always another side you _know _that.'' She glared at him, knowing he was telling the truth.

''How could I tell you something like that. It doesn't naturally fall into a conversation.''

"You should have told me."

''I couldn't''

''You always accuse me of knowing more about your world than I let on and you're right of course I do. I heard my brother talking about some kind of trouble here but of course I never really paid it any mind.''

''Perhaps you should have.''

''Don't tell me what I should have done. Do you think it's easy for me and my parents to know all the dangers out there and not tell anyone else about it? The letters we used to get saying Charles had turned into a tree for two days or grew another limb or gotten bitten by some weird insect that could have killed him or used some horrible spell on his classmates. It's all just too much. Sometimes it's just easier to ignore it but you still should have told me you killed someone.''

"I didn't think you'd keep seeing me if you knew. I didn't know how you would react. I apologize for being less than forthcoming.''

Rolling her eyes, ''less than forthcoming? You lied... you never gave me a chance. I knew you were hiding something from me but I never imagined this. I'm not blind Severus, I know you don't like Muggles.''

Severus gave her a sad guilty look, " I don't hate-''

''Just save it, I know you don't care for us, present company excluded, but I never thought it went further than name calling.''

''You and Charles, keeping secrets from me,'' she said to herself.

'' A mistake, I'm sure he regrets as much as I do.''

''He was just being an older brother. I expected better from you. Those people, they're the ones you're worried about finding out where you live?''

''Yes''

''Are you still worried about them coming after you?''

'' Yes ''

She looked disappointed,''you should go home its late. ''

Without saying anything more he left and was not certain he would ever be welcomed back. An annoyance with Muggles was something she could deal with and he knew she found it harmless enough but an outright evil hatred was something else.


	12. Chapter 12

**Birthday**

Peering into her phone she finally heard his voice after repeatedly calling his name. ''Where've you been? I've tried to reach you for two days.''

The enchanted mirror he had connected to her mobile worked almost as well as the mobile itself if they wanted to talk, but he'd been keeping it hidden. ''I've been busy.'' He'd knew she'd been calling his name for several days but he wasn't ready to deal with her yet.

'' Busy doing what ignoring me?''

'' No''

''Can you please come here right now. No need to use the door Charles has given you entry.''

Apparating into in Charles flat he noticed the enchantment had indeed been lifted, for him at least.

She was in her room doing something with her hair and a copy of Rita Seekers book lay on the bureau. It was untouched since Charles had given it to her as soon as she mentioned she was seeing Severus. She took it out after their blowup at dinner intending to read it.

Severus knew she meant for him to see it.

''Why didn't you answer my calls?''

Trying to cover his uneasiness, ''I'm not in the habit of being summoned in this manner-''

''Oh shut up''

''I beg your pardon?''

'' You heard me,'' she went to sit down on the bed leaving him standing there. Before her were various brochures.

''I assumed our holiday was off.''

''Well I guess you don't know everything do you. I wish you would trust me. I've been thinking and that part of your life is over it doesn't scare me.''

''Then you've read that book?

'' No I changed my mind. I haven't touched it because you said it was all lies anyway.''

''Don't you want to know more?''

''I do but I can't force it out of you. How can you claim to hate my kind but date me at the same time? Did you really think people like Charles shouldn't exist?''

''I don't hate Muggles. You know that.'' He looked at her and she nodded and motioned for him to sit.

Speaking softly, ''Jennifer I've been thinking it's too dangerous to continue this. I've told you told before but I don't think you quite understand what I was like.''

Sighing,'' I only know this Severus. I think _that_ Severus died from a snake bite last year.''

He still remained quiet.

''Did you kill anyone else?''

''No, I could never...I only did it because he insisted.''

''I know, that's my point whatever you were before I know you weren't a cold-blooded killer and a torturer like Charles makes you out to be. You helped a dying old man. If Charles actually believed that he would have moved the first time he saw you and told anyone who would listen that you were here.''

''It could be very dangerous to be involved with me.''

''We've been involved since the moment we met.''

''These people hate me and they want me dead.''

''I'm sure they do hate you but _killing you_ that's another story. You're still here. No one has come after you so far and we've out seeing all of England and nothing happened. I thought you said you're tired of looking over your shoulder.''

''I am, but I can't put you in danger.''

''You haven't because no ones after you.''

Part of him knew she could be right, he'd left himself wide open and still no one came.

''Severus, I mean this in the kindest way but sometimes I think you overestimate your own self importance.''

Snorting, ''I am important''

Kissing him deeply, ''of course you are.''

He didn't appreciate being patronized about something this serious but loved the feel of her lips.

* * *

><p>A week later after taking the train over and checking into the hotel both of them were as nervous as young celibate newlyweds.<p>

''Orchideous!'' conjuring a bouquet of red roses.

''They're lovely, thank you.''

''I saw a shop next door I'm going to buy some wine, please be ready when I return.''

''Just order a bottle from room service.''

''I want to personally select my bottle and I'm not paying those exorbitant prices I am an unemployed, humble school professor.''

''A humble teacher that sells black market potions on the side. Don't think I don't know.''

''Remind your bother to stay out of my affairs,'' he said walking out the door.

Talking this time to freshen up Jennifer couldn't help but think how frustrating it had been waiting all these months and it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. The anticipation was bound to be better than the real act so she wasn't really expecting all that much. Walking into the small shoppe Severus was sure he saw a wizarding emblem in the window. In broken french he asked for their private selection. He stepped in the back and it wasn't immediately clear, but with a flick of his wand the wall gave way and he entered a small tavern with 5 or 6 people. He ordered a bottle of Veela charmed wine and hurried back. By the time he returned she had changed into a thin strapped burgundy dress, and was just finishing up her makeup when he walked in.

He sees how she was dressed, "what are you doing? As I recall, I specifically requested that you be ready for me." He thought she was going to be wearing one of those transparent lace things.

''I was thinking we could go out tonight?" she said, applying perfume.

Walking up behind her kissing her on the neck,'' I assumed we were going to stay in and celebrate your birthday.'' He was lightly running his hand up and down her arm.

"We can do that later, I wanna see the city."

Continuing to kiss her neck, ''Jennifer you're going to make me wait, I've been waiting for seven years.''

Still trying to finish her lipstick,"I haven't known you for seven years."

''But I've been waiting all the same Jennifer."

''Since you've been waiting all that time a couple of more hours won't kill you."

Pulling up her dress moving his hands across her thigh, "maybe it will."

"I'm not worth waiting for?"

''Why do you want to torture me?"

He started unzipping her, lowering his hand beneath her dress, so she again widening her stance a bit and steadying herself against the bureau. Then his hand were in her knickers where he let it swirl around until he gets the physical response he wants smeared all over his fingers. He brings his fingers to his mouth and licks the musky evidence of her arousal. ''I want to devour every drop of you.''

Turning around letting her dress drop to the floor she kisses him deeply and he unbuttons her bra taking a step back to get a better view.

"Breathtaking'' he says as he pulls her close again and kisses her collar-bone cupping her breast.

She had started to unbutton his shirt as he had already removed his jacket. Finally reaching his bare skin she ran her hands over the soft thin chest hair kissing her again. They urgently made their way to the bed never separating their kiss along the way. Unbuttoning his trousers revealing his silk shorts she smiles surprised that he actually wore something she bought for once without being asked. She took a minute to look at him. His black hair hung in his face against his translucent like skin. His shoulders were broader then she expected having been hidden underneath all those layers of clothes and his waist was well toned. No longer having the daily exercise of the stairs in Hogwarts he had picked up some much-needed weight over the past year. The faded tattoo on his arm was unexpected as she runs her hand over this taught skin.

''You're beautiful' she told him.

His cheeks were now crimson, ''that's what I'm suppose to tell you.''

''Well you are beautiful Severus.''

He pulls her closer to him and she takes the opportunity to grip his butt with both hands. She lightly bites his neck and his surprised expression indicating he wasn't expecting this but this quickly changes to a clearly pleased one. Climbing onto the bed she lies on her back with her neck resting on pillows while he pulls her lacy knickers off. He then begins to move his mouth ravenously over her breasts and with a feather light tough drags he fingers across her stomach sending shivers throughout her entire body.

''Jennifer you are absolutely enchanting."

She winds her hands through his curtains of hair raking his scalp with her fingernails giving him a perfect massage as he continues devouring her breast. Having shamed him into washing his hair every day it no longer felt greasy. It's a curious sensation for him never imaging that even this simple act could feel good. Wanting to touch more of him she turns positioning herself on top of him. Unable to resist, she takes her tongue and trails his skin starting at the snake bitten scars on his neck then working her way down to his nipples paying special to them. He was laying there marveling at the pleasure she was creating with her tongue and hands.

No one had ever _wanted_ to touched him like this before and he was feeling light as air when she moved lower and took his hardness into her mouth. It took all his strength not to immediately lose control at her touch when she started eagerly licking his two jewels. She then moved back up to the tip and began to hum with her lips closed around him. The vibration lead to sporadic noises so deep he sounds like a cat purring. Not wanting a repeat of last time he allowed her to continue for just a few minutes more when he felt himself on the verge of releasing himself too soon.

Regaining his self-control he lifted her head from his lap and turned her on her back once again. He gently pulled her to the edge of the bed. He goes on his knees and spreads her legs and begins to lick her already sensitive area. He teased just outside of her soft, pleasure bud while she let out a soft whimper. Finally he flicked his tongue over her bud alternating from side to side as she slid into a strong climax sounding as if she were in pain instead of enjoying intense pleasure. She urged him on by slightly raising her pelvis up and down off the bed. She was shuttering and grabbing his head holding him in that exact spot. Her grunts were timed with her rapid contractions and she sounds as if she were hyperventilating like the first time they met. She felt the urge to bear down and released a small amount of fluid into his mouth which he greedily lapped up leaving a small wet spot on the sheet.

She released his head and he slithered inside her. The girth of him feels like a longtime itch finally being scratched and she closes her legs around his body. He was so overwhelmed with being inside her that he thrust as if his life was at stake if he stopped. He hadn't been with a woman in so long, he'd almost forgotten how good it felt. Each thrust he wanted to go deeper than before pounding away 7 years worth of frustration expecting to completely lose himself in her warmth. The contrast between her dark skin and his own pale one against those white sheets was enthralling and he never wanted to be separated from her. The look of complete pleasure on her face was a new experience for him. With each stroke causing a loud grunt she attempt to yell out his name but on the verge of another orgasm only manages to get out ''Se.'' They rocked in unison until he felt himself falling over the edge and rushing to free his tension. His lip curled in a grimace releasing himself inside her completely spent. Loving the way he felt inside her and not wanting him to pull out just yet she clamps her legs even tighter to hold him in place. When he completely limp he reluctantly pulls out and immediately he wants to be with her again.

''Did you enjoy that?'' he ask as she is relaxing in his arms after they'd woken up from an orgasm fueled short nap.

''That was the best I've ever had.''

''You're just flattering me, but I appreciate the thought.''

''No, I mean it, I admit I was expecting... given your experience.'' She was halfway telling the truth their long wait made it feel like he was her best lover. She hadn't expected him to be so concerned about pleasing her since he could be so annoyingly insensitive at times.

''I do know something of human anatomy Jennifer, enough to make you scream twice if I recall.''

''I think I heard a few sounds from you too,'' she said playing with his chest hair.

He blushed, chagrined at the noises he'd made. Like a woman in heat, hardly befitting a man of his demeanor.

He had read all the books he could about sex because he was self-conscious and intimidated by her previous lovers. His former student Elizabeth, with whom he wasn't comfortable enough to even remove all of his clothing had not cared about whether he pleased her or not. She let it be known that she sought her pleasures elsewhere and only enjoyed the brief sexual control she wielded. The one time he paid some squib whore he lasted only about 5 seconds. He paid her extra for his first and only time he'd received oral pleasure until Jennifer happily did it just now. He'd had a couple of quick encounters with a regular drunk he met at a pub right after Lily died. He was so drunk himself each time he didn't remember much about her, other than she was fairly plump and had red hair like Lily, and even _she_ hardly touched him beyond what was needed. None of them had been fulfilling beyond his physical release. His sour disposition did more to turn women than his looks did.

''I think you've been holding out on me. There's no way you learned that from a book but that's okay you keep your secrets.''

Thinking to himself he could never tell her how Bellatrix Lestrange used to use him as a plaything before he became a Death Eater. Unable to fulfill her pent-up lust for the Dark Lord she used him as substitute. She would summon him one evening right before he took the mark and ordered him to kneel as she opened her robes. He wasn't sure what to do next, but she gave very direct instructions. She was a still beautiful woman at that time so eagerly did as he was told. He was an inexperienced young man no older than 18 or 19 so he and enjoyed pleasing her in this way. As he went to remove his own robes it was clear it was to be one-sided as she laughed at his gesture and told him to leave. Despite this, he still came to her every time she summoned him remaining on his knees the whole time. She laughed and said he was only good this one thing. He was becoming quite skilled at pleasing her as she would use the Cruciatus Curse every time she felt he wasn't sufficiently managing it.

She frequently referred to him as my Dark Lord at the height of her arousal. Wanting to gain acceptance to the Dark Lord's inner circle he submitted to his most loyal servant thinking it would help. For at least a month she used him in this manner refusing to even acknowledge the fact the he might be aroused as well and insisted he remained fully clothed. He rubbed himself once in her presence and she was furious shouting," you dare try to pleasure yourself in front on me." Using a cruel spell she cursed him to stay visibly excited for almost a week with the threat of more severe punishment if he tried to alleviate this painful situation himself. As her power of Legilimency was greater than his Occlumency at that time he knew she would find out if he did relieve himself. She soon grew tired of his pensive face and reversed the spell.

On one occasion as punishment for not satisfying her fast enough Bellatrix gave him to another female follower for the night unaware that the woman wouldn't be as cruel as she had been. She had the mask on the entire time so he never knew who it was but he could tell she was older than Bellatrix and she did allow him lose his virginity after pleasing her the same way he pleased Bellatrix all those times. He always wanted his first time to be with Lily not some women old enough to be his mother.

This mere fumbling could only be described as an encounter with only a slight a resemblance to anything intimate. Having read his mind the Dark Lord found his and Bellatrix's tryst amusing and taunted him on several occasions calling him a coward for allowing himself to be used in that way. His taunting would later serve as inspiration to become a more skilled Occlumens. Looking down at Jennifer he shuttered at the though of his time with Bellatrix thankful that she soon tired of him after a while and moved on to someone else.

* * *

><p>They sleep in the next morning still exhausted from last nights activities which included two more rounds before morning. About noon they were both soaking in the huge tub built for two. He got up and got the bottle of wine from the fridge and poured two glasses handing one to her<p>

''I purchased this especially for you last night but since we were other wise occupied you weren't able to sample it."

''Okay just a little'' taking a few sips she was suddenly becoming aware of how attracted she was to him.

''What kind of wine is this?''

''Its a special charmed blend, an aphrodisiac. It intensifies your desire.''

Smiling ''that sounds deceitful."

He responded by rubbing her feet underwater, ''it only works if the feelings are already there waiting to come out.''

Touching the very faint marking on his arm which was hanging outside the tub she couldn't help but be curious about it. ''I never would have imagined you had a tattoo it seems so unlike you. ''

''It's not a tattoo. Its the dark mark. It's burned into the skin.''

''It's a brand?''

''It's similar yes.''

''But it doesn't feel like a brand, your skin isn't broken."

It's a remnant from my Death Eater days and a daily reminder of my former life.''

''how..?''

He put his hand up to silence any further discussion.

They spent the entire day in bed making love never once leaving the hotel room.

* * *

><p>Enjoying the room service they sat naked at the small table eating, ''This trip will cost you a small fortune Severus.''<p>

''Let me worry about the expense, you just keep doing what I like.''

* * *

><p>On the third day after making love all over the suite and discovering what the other liked Jennifer had decided they had to get out. ''We have to leave this room at some point,'' she said as they laid in the after glow of another romp.<p>

With his head lying on her stomach running his hands through his favorite new spot, "why I'm conformable just like this.''

Over the course of the days he had become the best she'd ever had. He went about pleasing her like he would a potion, making sure he did exactly the right things to produce the results he wanted. He loved the pleasure sounds she made. She was everything he'd imagined. The encounters he'd had with other women before her felt so incomplete because he'd never experienced this kind for physical contact.

''I haven't worn clothes in two days. Just eating room service, showering, sleeping and more sex.'' She laughed.

''It's your birthday, and I like you naked.''

''It smells like sex in here, we at least need to air out the room.''

He gets up and with a flick of his wand the room now smells like the roses he conjured up on their first night.

''better''

''Yes, but we didn't come to Paris to spend all our time in the hotel. you don't have to make up for years of celibacy in a couple of days, I'm not going anywhere.''

Kissing her thigh, ''as if I would let you. Do you remember when you accused me of only wanting you as a pair of legs to spread?''

''Yes, but I like the way you spread them.''

''If I had known they were such beautiful, warm and welcoming pair of legs I would have spread them a long time ago.''

''Professor Snape such crass words I'm shocked you were the one who was afraid to make a move.''

''I'm not afraid anymore.''

They took a bath together and finally went out into the city. They went to all the usual tourist spots and despite the french wizards dirty looks towards her they saw a few out-of-the-way places most Muggles never saw also. They enjoyed the city on their final night walking down the Champs Elysees arm in arm and he thought for a second he saw Minerva but looked again and whomever it was had gone. From there they took a train to Brussels stayed for 3 days and then to Amsterdam and Germany before returning home.


	13. Chapter 13

**Afterwords **

He seemed so relaxed while they were away but when they returned he reverted back to his previous cold distant ways not long after that. Since he was so free while they were on holiday she figured she could draw him out again if given enough time. He felt restricted once they were back in familiar surrounding. He couldn't explain to her why he was suddenly cold again he just knew you couldn't stay on holiday forever. This was his real life.

Agreeing for once to join Amanda and her friends at a pub to celebrate Amanda's birthday, Severus watched as Jennifer downed drink after drink. She ignored his displeasure at her drinking so much in public but there wasn't much he could do. Her friends were only a few years his junior but they being Muggles meant he had nothing in common with them. This was only the second time he had accompanied her to one of these outing. He only agreed to join her tonight because he though she would find someone else if kept sending her off alone with her friends.

He was envious of how free she seemed to be. Her friends were polite but it was obvious they thought he was strange and found it hard to believe Jennifer was seeing him. She ignored his obvious discomfort and tried in vain to engage him in conversations with her friends. He answered every question with little more than a single word and she later gave up entirely. The pub was full of loud boisterous Muggles constantly bumping into him drunkenly asking him about his robes. He had sunk so far he didn't think he could stoop any lower. A year ago he was a spy helping win the war and now he's socializing with Muggles in a Pub.

Stepping outside to escape the noise he found her draped across some bloke when he returned.

''Severus this is Nigel and he was telling me the funniest thing weren't you Nigel.''

Looking at Severus' face, Nigel begin to back off ''she's all yours mate.''

Looking annoyed and putting her arm around his shoulder, ''no Nigel is my friend he can stay'' she said slurring her words.

The vein on Severus' temple was pulsating and jerked her away from Nigel causing her glass to come crashing to the floor. ''We're leaving, '' he snarled.

Her friends protested but Jennifer agreed to go, mouthing ''I'm sorry Amanda'' on the way out.

* * *

><p>Back at his home he was furious at her behavior,''what are you playing at? Chatting up a perfect stranger!''<p>

''He's no one just some guy. At least he paid attention to me. You were ignoring me.''

''You think you're being ignored! Anyone shows you the slightest bit of attention you feel the need to throw yourself at them! You will apologize to me this instant!''

''Apologize for what?''

'' For being intoxicated in public and making a fool out of me. Your behavior was inexcusable.''

''I'm sorry you're a fool.''

He figured it was a waste of his time to continue speaking to her since she was obviously more inebriated than he first realized and doubted she would remember any of this in the morning. Disgusted, he pushed her away. ''I'm going to bed.''

Already unstable she started to fall down but he grabbed her before she hit the floor.

''I don't need your help.''

''Very well'' he said turning to leave and let her to sleep off her drunkenness. She rarely stayed the night but he wasn't in any kind of mood to deal with her any longer. He should have just took her back to the flat even if her brother was entertaining as she said earlier.

''Why won't you talk to me anymore? You act as if nothing changed since we got back from vacation and you've virtually ignored me. Emotionally you're just not there."

The surprisingly sober question gave him pause. He had once again been keeping her at a distance because she had caused him to feel too vulnerable and it wasn't a feeling he enjoyed.

He knew it was a lie as soon as he said the words. ''Nothing significant did change.''

''So every time we have sex you don't feel anything anymore? I'm just a warm body?'' She said with a few tears.

He hates tears and acted as if he hadn't seen them. He just stood there with a dead expression trying not to betray his true feelings. He couldn't give her any kind of explanation because he didn't fully understand it himself.

''ANSWER ME!''

Still standing wordless, he refused to respond.

''Fuck you Severus you're pitiful. Spending your time hiding away in this house and brewing you worthless potions while you run around town trying to impress me talking about how dangerous you are. You're nothing but a sad, insecure coward afraid of your own feelings. I hope those people hunt you down and leave you to rot in this shit hole of a house!''

''HOW DARE YOU!'' he said, grabbing her so hard by the upper arm if his fingernails had been sharp instead of blunt they would have pierced her flesh.

''I brought you into my home and took you on holiday and you have the audacity to call me names. You ungrateful Muggle bitch.''

Without realizing what he was doing he briefly raised his hand as if to strike her. He'd seen his own father do it so many times before but stopped himself when she flinched and in that short moment she looked every bit as scared as his mother used to. Just like _him, _he had promised himself he would never strike a woman but here he was turning into his father. He was horrified at the thought.

''So you're going to hit me now! Is that what you do? Go ahead you scared little-''

''SHUT UP!'' He was now blazing with anger and quickly pulled her down to the floor as her drunken reflexes were too slow to respond.

''You wanted my attention, well you have it now,'' he said, forcing her legs apart. He was going to make her remember her place.

''Severus, stop it! Don't do this! No!'' she pleaded , tears steaming down her face, unable to do much of anything since he'd cast a nonverbal spell holding her down. He was trying to coax a response but his own limp body was unwilling to cooperate in what he was about to do.

''You don't tell me no!''

''Stop it! Please Severus no, LET ME GO, DON'T DO THIS! ''

As his arm was pressed against her he glimpse the faint outline of the dark mark. Its power long gone but his own anger was now holding sway over him more so than the mark ever did. He loathed himself for what he almost did grasping at the idea that he wouldn't actually have followed through.

In a voice barely above a whisper and much too low for her to hear, ''I'm sorry.''

After fixing her clothes she kicked him in the groin, ''don't you ever do that to me again.''

Immediately recovering from his brief twinge of pain and seconds after he felt revulsion, he shook off the feeling just as quickly. Sneering he was angry again. ''Or what? You'll scream? Ring the authorities? Tell your brother? Use your Abracadabra magic on me? I can with you as I please you little cunt. I can show you real pain. Pain beyond anything your simple mind could comprehend."

''Don't make empty threats against me.''

Grabbing her again, ''my threats aren't empty! You think you know me just because we've shared a bed? You're extremely ignorant if you believe I won't hurt you.''

''I do know you! Better that anyone else.'' Shaking him loose and with a finality he didn't like ''goodbye Severus.''

''Where do you think you're going? I'm talking to you.''

''I'm tired, I give up. You're a repressed, self loathing, broken, piece of shit, incapable of feeling ANYTHING! IT'S NO WONDER YOUR PARENTS NEVER LOVED YOU! WHO COULD BLAME THEM!''

''THEN GO _ALAMORA!'' _THERE'S THE DOOR, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!''

Several hours later his anger had subsided but he was upset with himself for letting his emotions take over. The thought that he almost hurt her in such an intimate way was devastating. He believed everything she said was true, he'd always thought it.

* * *

><p>The next morning Jennifer felt as if she could finally exhale and had been holding her breath all these months. She cried on and off all day and felt horrible about bringing up his parents. She thought to herself, what kind of person taunts a man about his childhood abuse. Going over yesterdays events in her head she thought she made the right decision to leave. If she had any doubts her arm had a finger shaped bruise on it where he'd grabbed her. She brushed off his near assault, knowing now he wasn't really going to hurt her. She was more angry that he was so callous and showed so little regard for her feelings.<p>

So quick to anger. So willing to chase her away with thoughtless words. In the end she decided it was a combination of his inability to gauge his own strength and her history of bruising easily. But still, it was his first thought to raise his hand hit her. He caught himself but it was still his first thought. It scared her that his anger was so strong.

* * *

><p>Three days later he tried to reach her in the mirror but realized she had broken it. Allowing her enough time to settle down he held off contacting her for a few more days. At least in the beginning. He stood outside debating her odds of answering the door but decided to knock anyway. Listening on the other side of the door she refused to answer but she wasn't alarmed by his insistent knocking. If he really wanted to get inside he could, but she didn't think he'd go that far. That same week he created enough flowers to fill a small shoppe, but she didn't bring them in. When she woke up, there was a single rose next to her pillow.<p>

He wanted her to know he'd been there but he was growing inpatient with her stubbornness.

* * *

><p>Later that evening Jennifer called the only person she thought would listen. '' Amanda, I think he's stalking me.''<p>

''I think you're just imaging it.''

''No, he left a rose on my...doorstep.''

''You just had a fight and he's trying to make it up to you. Just call him.''

She hung up the phone feeling a little better than when she first called.

Maybe she was overreacting he was certainly capable of worst. The rose aside, he really hadn't done much more than other men she'd dated.

* * *

><p>Stopping off to buy a few items for that night's dinner she saw him sitting alone having a drink through the window of a pub. She walked quickly hoping to avoid him.<p>

''Jennifer,'' turning around he was unshaven his clothes were disheveled and his hair was as greasy as the first time they met.

''Hello Severus''

Instead of speaking he just looked her up and down expecting her to look as bad as he did.

''Clearly you've been doing well.''

''I'm enjoying my stay here if that's what you mean.''

''Enjoying it better without me, is that more precisely what you meant? While I'm wasting my time drinking with a bunch of dim Muggles waiting for you to pass by."

''Severus I didn't say anything of the sort. It's over so you need to move on... stop following me.''

He'd been following her out of frustration hoping she would speak to him but each time she ignored him completely. He wasn't about to lose her the way he did Lily because she meant too much to him. This was different. Lily felt like a lifetime ago but Jennifer was here right now and not some unrealized fantasy.

Grabbing her, ''I need to talk to you."

''Why? It's perfectly clear you don't want me around. You had your chance.''

''Please?'' Why was he the one asking for forgiveness he thought. She walked out on him. He thought this conversation was absurd but there seemed no other way to talk to her.

''We don't have anything to discuss. What was it you called me... an undeserving? No an ungrateful bitch.'' What am I ungrateful for? I should be grateful just to be in your mere presence? Grateful that I get to fuck you? Grateful for a few magic tricks you've showed me? Grateful that I let you insult me whenever you're in the mood? Or grateful that you humiliated me in front of my friends? Tell me professor what exactly am I suppose to be grateful for?''

''And you have no guilt in this? You shamelessly threw yourself at him.''

''It's not about him Severus it's you. It's always about you. Why can't you understand that. You don't know how to deal with people... with me. Look I know I was drunk and being stupid but you overreacted as usual. But I'll tell you this, I'm going to fuck any man who halfway looks at me now and act like the whore you accused me a being.''

Controlling his anger by clenching his teeth, ''I think we've both said things we now regret but I never called you a whore.''

''Well you sure as hell implied it.''

''We shouldn't be discussing this on the street.'' He lightly pulled on her arm to ger her to follow him.

''Don't do that!''she said slapping him so hard across the face it left a pink mark.

She went into an alley to get off the street and he followed.

''You tried to rape me.''

''I'm sorry''

In her best English accent impression, ''I'm sorry, I tried to rape you.'' She looked at him and he looked ashamed. ''Is that the only apology I deserve? Do you hear yourself?''

''Yes I do, and I'm sorry I was angry. ''

''I guess once a deathmaker always a deathmaker?''

For some odd reason, he corrected her. ''Deatheater''

''What?''

''The correct name is Deatheater not deathmaker.''

She gave him an incredulous look.''You wanna say that again?''

''No''

''Yeah, thought not.'' She turned around to leave and he gently took her arm again,'' I'm sorry, sometimes... I have trouble controlling my anger.''

''That's a shitty excuse.''

''Jennifer do you honestly believe I'd try to hurt you? You know perfectly well I was just toying with you. I would never hurt you that way.''

''But it's okay hit me and knock me unconscious.''

''I didn't it hit you and I'm done apologizing for the latter.''

''You _wanted_ to hit me and you _were_ going to rape me.''

''But I didn't'' he said softly.

''Your're a murderer so you can understand why I might have thought you were serious.''

This stung more than the rape accusation and hurt him immensely but he didn't let it show on his face. '' I was trying to scare you nothing more.''

She just quietly shook her head. ''I'm not some frightened child you can intimidate just leave me alone.''

''Lisen to me. I could never... I wouldn't do that to you... to anyone.''

''Except you almost did.''

He wanted to explain himself but this was such a surreal conversation. ''I was confused''

''Just stay away from me. I'm going to find myself a _real man_. One that isn't so pathetic he has to use magic to get a woman in his bed. No one but me would have been stupid enough to be with you otherwise.'' She looked at him with disgust. He didn't say anything to defend himself and it didn't matter that it wasn't true. After all this time together, this is what she thought of him.

She left him standing there turning back to look at him one last time. He was still there watching her. She believed he was sincere but at this point I didn't really matter. He left her with a jumble of feelings and despite his actions she still wasn't the slightest bit afraid of him. She knew her words were vicious and if any other man had even hinted at what he did she would have been livid and called the police. With Severus they both seemed to easily alternate between surrendering to other, then wanting to dominate them at the same time. He could be quite malleable at times bending to her every desire but just as quickly unyielding with even the smallest request. She had made up her mind he wasn't good for her and wouldn't see him anymore.

* * *

><p>He wanted to know her thoughts so badly but if he intruded in her mind she would never forgive him. She was aware he had taken to overtly following her when he wanted to make his presence known such as the rose on her pillow but he was just as certain she was blind to the fact that he sometimes watched her sleeping.<p>

Using an invisibility charm he would spend a few minutes watching her sleep some nights before returning to his own home. After their argument that afternoon he wanted to know if she was indeed going to sleep with the first man she ran across. He found her at home talking to her brother as he advised her he would be away for a few days on holiday with his newest love interest. Thinking to himself that her brother was perhaps the laziest man he knew even for an American and probably only nourished his abilities just enough to bed women more than anything else. He didn't have half the work ethic his sister did and only stumbled into a career. While she worked long into the night often bringing her computer along on their meals out, he never seemed put in a full day's work.

''You know Clovis is still asking about you.''

''Who?''

''Clovis my friend from work. He's single and he'd still like to meet you.''

''Charles, people aren't interchangeable. I can't just switch out Severus for some random guy you know.''

''I'm just saying if you wanted to meet a wizard I can introduce you.''

''I wasn't looking to meet one in the first place it just happened.''

''I know but-''

''I don't wanna meet your damn friend alright!''

Charles left her alone in her room doing her laundry watching television. Severus was glad to see she wasn't out making good on her threat tonight and he was pleased to she told off her annoying brother. He was about to leave getting bored watching her sort her clothes when she came across one of his robes and shirt. Severus had no way of knowing but a thousand things ran though her mind. Some of them were disturbing, but most were pleasant. Tightly clutching his robes she closed her eyes and inhaled the aroma of his cologne with a wide smile.

After getting up to lock the door she then went to the bed and laid down on her side taking his robes with her. She was simply watching the telly but every couple of minutes she sniffed his robes. If he had read her mind he would have known that she missed him and was on the verge contacting him soon. They hadn't been separated for more than a few days since they met. She began to rub her thighs together before she moved her hand inside her knickers. She then slid off all hers clothes as her hand once again wandered down her body. She suddenly turned on her back giving him a delicious view of herself spread out on the bed. Her fingers were moving madly between her legs as her breathing increased and she began to moan. He watched as she thrashed about obviously loving her own touch for a few minutes until she let out another high-pitched moan before drifting off to sleep with his robes still laying beside her.

She was so absorbed in herself that she didn't even notice he had moved closer in and wasn't blending with the background quite so well this time. The urge to join her was so strong but he doubted even in this state she would be receptive to the idea of him spying on her. Aroused while watching her pleasure herself he silently took care of his own physical needs using his hand before he left. The day wasn't a complete waste because he left both relieved that she wasn't seeking someone else and overjoyed as she was clearly thinking about him. She needed more time he was certain that's all she needed.

* * *

><p>Sitting in Charles' flat Amanda had stopped by hoping to cheer her friend up. ''Jennifer come on. Stop moping around let's go out."<p>

''I just don't feel like it.''

''It's better than sitting around here all alone. Just come and have a pint there's no pressure.''

''Amanda it's just not a good time.''

''I know Severus didn't really mean what he said. He was just upset. ''

''Why are you taking up for him you don't even like him.''

''Because I saw how hurt he was when you flirted with Nigel. He cares about you.''

''He knew I was just joking and nothing happened he didn't have to drag me out of there. You don't think he's controlling?''

''No, he's a little clingy but Jennifer you were all over Nigel and Severus dotes on you. He's kind of off-putting to everyone else, but he clearly cares about you. I don't think he's the kind of man who jokes about flirting like that. He thought you were serious.''

''I'm sick of fighting with him. God why is this so hard. It's never been this hard before.'' Amanda only knew he called her some names. The rest was too private to discuss with anyone.

* * *

><p>A few days later she met Colin and she accepted his dinner invitation. She thought she saw Severus on her first date but when she looked back again she didn't see anything and assumed she was just paranoid. It felt so strange being out with a normal man again who acted like he wanted to be with her and she had a good time.<p>

After spying Severus watching her again she caught his eye long enough to make sure he saw her inviting Colin inside one evening. They listened to some music and talked for a while but unfortunately she spent the entire night thinking about Severus. She'd only invited Colin in because she was a tad lonely and wanted to get back at Severus in the worst way possible. Colin left after he saw she was distracted and he wasn't going to get anywhere with her.

Pacing within the small siting room Severus just watched her invite that Muggle inside. She looked right at him and smiled. They locked eyes for a few moments before she let that bloke in. He'd been harboring under the impression that she wouldn't be interested in another after him, let alone a Muggle. How could any _Muggle_ compare to him? What did they have to offer? She steadfastly denied it but he still assumed she was partly envious of her brother and wanted to be apart of his world. ''They're probably naked at this very moment,'' he said to himself. He felt that he'd learned nothing since his youth.


	14. Chapter 14

**Love is a four letter word **

The days past without incident and Severus was managing as best he could. He mulled over the logical benefits of detaching himself completely versus trying to trying to reconcile with her before realizing he couldn't adequately quantify his reasons.

* * *

><p>Feeling particularly dreadful one evening and drinking too much fire whiskey Severus was sitting at home thinking of <em>her<em>. Why was it taking so long? What he assumed had been a small quarrel has now turned into a full-fledged separation. It was inconceivable that this bit of nonsense would end their entire relationship. As a final act of cruelty she'd sent him a picture of her and some grinning Muggle. Even worst she sent it by owl. She who couldn't be bothered with the post any other time sent him an owl! It took all his self-control not to apperate over there the very second he got it.

The day after he saw her pleasuring herself he fully expected to see her. He knew she had broken her mirror but her mobile still shared the connection.

He'd found his own picture of her taken before they went on holiday which he flung across the room but stopped short of throwing it in the fireplace. He went from being angry with himself to wondering how he always managed lose all self-control and say the worst things to her. From there he starting fuming at her. How dare she stir up these emotions in me he thought. Before he met her he'd been perfectly content not acknowledging his need for any sort of companionship. He was angry and wanted her to pay for treating him this way.

He knew her routine by memory now and she'd just taken a bath. Knowing she was alone since he'd been spying on her earlier she heard the unmistakable appiration pop and then _he_ was there.

She smelled the alcohol before she laid eyes on him. When she turned in his direction she just watched him with interest for a few seconds then futilely tried to run for the door. Faster than she was, he quickly seized her around the waist in a tight clutch. Her back was to him and she could feel the five-day old stubble on his chin.

''You can't run from me. Do you know all the things I want to do to you right now?''

All the anger he felt boiled over and he found that he was completely aroused. He relaxed his grip and she immediately turned around and clawed at him. His responses were blunted and it took him a half a second to realize she'd injured him. He grabbed her face and forced a kiss on her then pushed her against the wall. In a deep silky voice ''did you enjoy your time with that Muggle?" Pinning her to the wall he kissed her passionately again. ''I saw you together you let him inside. I know what you did with him. Does that make you feel better...being with a stranger?"

''Piss off''

''Picking up the local flavor quite nicely I see,'' he was pressing against her harder and his erection was straining against he shorts. He licked her ear knowing she liked having them stroked.

''Fuck you'' she called out.

''I certainly intend to,'' he pointed to her mouth ''here'' then grabbed her crotch ''here'' then he patted her backside, ''maybe back here too.''

She tried to knee him in the groin but he was anticipating this and placed both of his legs between hers, his body weight keeping her from moving. He tried to kiss her again but pulled back tasting blood in his mouth where she bit his lip.

''That's my girl, I like it this way.'' He pressed himself harder against her.

As he was lifting her shirt to suck on her breast she felt some stirring in between her legs.

"Is this how you want to be treated? Like a common tart! Is this enough passion for you!" He waved his hand and she was then naked. He began to nuzzle her ear as she still struggled to free herself.

He kissed her hard again forcing her mouth open, shoving his tongue inside. This time she kissed him back. Untill she'd kissed him he'd been ready to stop since it was becoming apparent she didn't want him anymore.

She untied his robes letting them fall away.''So very moist already,'' he said rubbing his favorite spot with a sinister smile. Kneeling down between her legs he parted her succulent lips and with a few flicks of his tongue, he whisk away all traces of her savory slickness.

''You always taste so good,'' he said as if he were licking a tasty confection. With his tongue still lashing away he felt her contracting in orgasm almost immediately. Satisfied by her quick response that she hadn't been touched by anyone else while they had been separated, he smiled.

He then pushed her down to her knees and she willingly opened her mouth trying not to gag as he placed his hand behind her head shoving himself into her. She sucked with gusto and with such force that he started twitching and knew he was about to let go. She attempted to pull away but he grabbed her head again and held it in place as he thrust harder and loudly grunting as he finished. The sensation of this was overwhelming. He didn't know it could be this good. He pulled her up, grabbed her hand and brought her to her bedroom. He roughly pushed her on the bed pinning her down and sucked on her breast playing with his favorite spot while her legs were spread as wide as they could go. He was getting another erection glad that he had the foresight to take an Invigoration Draught before he left. This was his intention all along.

Without waiting he was roughly bore into her while she wrapped her legs around urging him to stroke harder and deeper. They clung to each other with a need far greater than either of them were used to before he pulled away to calm himself down. His neck and torso were burning where she'd bit and scratched him.

''You've been naughty haven't you?'' he said pinching her breast.

Begging him to finish, ''please Severus don't stop.''

Rubbing her thighs, "are you going to see that man again?"

"No"

''Do you want me to fuck you?''

''God yes''

He caressed a little closer down her inner thigh, "and you won't do this again?'' Licking her neck.

''No ..no'' she said straining against him. He was driving her wild as his hands inched a bit closer.

'' Promise?''

''Yes, never again."

He was now rubbing closer to where she wanted him most, ''tell me what you want.''

''Please fuck me'' he stopped rubbing and released her arms.

'' Louder!''

'' FUCK ME!''

Impatient with his teasing, she went to use her own hands to please herself, he grabs them and whispers ''no!''

''Whom do you belong to?''

''You''

''SAY IT''

'' I'm yours''

''Always?'' he said as he lightly raked his finger over her now sensitive bud, ''tell me you'll always be mine,'' he said kissing her between her breast.

''Yes always, she said without hesitation, I'll always be yours'' meaning every word.

''And you want me now more than you ever have before?''

''Yes, right now. Severus now please!'' She said raising her pelvis up to meet his hands.

''Jennifer...my Jennifer you're all mine. All of you... always mine,'' he said kissing her again. He briefly gave his favorite spot some much attention with his tongue and stopped.

"LICK ME SEVERUS!''

With his large nose tickling those delicate areas, he licked her wetness once more until she let out some guttural noises and started shaking. He turned her around and took her from behind while she was on hands and knees like a wild animal and she was just as uninhibited. This was no sweet lovemaking as it had been all the previous times, they were in a frenzy unleashed by their separation.

He went to use a new place just as he'd said before, ''NO'' was her response as she stiffened. He ran his finger along the tight opening for a few seconds certain that she was enjoying this much at least.

''Are you sure? I've heard it can be quite enjoyable.''

''NO!''

''Alright, another time then.''

He went back to his favorite spot and plowed into her with a determined anger he normally tried to keep in check . He pushed her further down laying flat on her stomach. At this angle he knew he was most likely hurting her a bit but he was deriving a sick pleasure in having total control over her body. He loved how she squirmed below him and all the sounds of pleasure she was making. He wanted to see her face when he climaxed so he turned her on her back again. He wanted to hear her say it one last time.

''Tell me your mine.''

But she remained silent.

''Tell me'' he repeated

She looked into his eyes contemplating telling him how much she truly cared for him but wondered what his reaction would be.

''Tell me'' his voice cracking almost desperately pleading for her to reaffirm her loyalty.

She wrapped her arms around him pulling him down closer, kissing him several times on his neck as he kept madly thrusting. All you could hear was the rhythmic squeaking of the bed. She inhaled the salty sweat forming around his neck and decided to wait in case her declaration of love wasn't warmly received since he was still semi-drunk.

''I'll always be yours Severus Snape.. .only yours.''

Relieved, he finally was able climax and they both sleep peacefully in her bed that night.

* * *

><p>The next morning he was up eating breakfast before she rose. When she joined him he could barely look her in the eyes when she greeted him. There had been tiny drops of blood on the sheets when he awoke this morning but thankfully they were his from a scratch on his arm. Mindful not to wake her up he gently examined her afraid of finding the evidence of what he believed was an assault. On closer inspection her thighs were bruised and she had some minor abrasions between her legs. He healed her while she slept and cleaned the blood on the sheets. Looking in the mirror he saw that he had a few bruises himself and some bite marks on his neck. The most confusing had been a few pink marks familiar to every teenager usually from intense snogging. He sat there contemplating his options for an hour before she joined him.<p>

"Good morning" she said wrapping her arms around him kissing him on the cheek as he sat eating.

''Morning'' he said eying her carefully.

The details of last night were murky but he had vague sense of what happened. He assumed he had committed the unthinkable and forced himself on her doing the very thing she accused him of attempting just weeks ago. Very rarely did he allow himself to feel the full effect of drinking this much and was unaccustomed to having cloudy memories. While she was beaming and cheery he looked uneasy. Was it possible he'd already performed a memory charm or obliterated her memory all together? He had glimpses of pinning her against the wall, her cursing at him and there was the tear in his lip where he thinks she bit him. A small clump of his hair was on the living room floor before he cleaned it and himself up. He also remembers holding her down on the bed but she wasn't fighting him. He was pleased his wounds were only superficial. Perhaps he'd used magic to make her compliant. The whole night was all so very unclear. He needed to get back to his lab and mix a concentration potion right away but wanted to talk to her first. He still couldn't image he'd actually harmed her.

''About last night...''

''What about it?''

''What do you remember?''

She grinned at him. ''You can't remember? You have a hangover Severus. You came over we had sex and made up.''

Fearing the worst he stammered, ''you... you don't remember the details?"

''Of course I do. wasn't the drunk one sweetheart,'' she said smiling at him.

Not understanding how she remained so calm, ''perhaps my recollection wasn't entirely accurate,but last night I wasn't behaving rationally.''

''I though last night was great,'' looking at his face, she thinks she understands his confusion. ''Are you talking about the aggressive thing? Sitting in his lap, ''oh sweetheart that's what people do.''

'' I didn't...force you?'' He kept thinking to himself I remember being so angry.

''No, would I be here talking to you like this if you had? You may be brilliant but when it comes to other things you have a lot to learn.

''Good, I wanted to be certain there wasn't any misunderstanding. Then that settles the matter.'' He tried to lift her off him.

''Wait Severus, we were playing... its okay I trust you completely.'' She said trying to reassure him. She sometimes forgot how inexperienced he was. He certainly knew the physical mechanics well enough but the finer points of relationships eluded him. ''What people do when they're intimate is... complicated but its okay, we're okay. You didn't hurt me.''

''Yes I did, I heeled you while you were sleeping.''

''That's okay Severus it happens sometimes.''

''What about _that_ night?'' he looked at her not really wanting to see her response.

''Same thing sweetheart it's complicated. Emotions running high, it doesn't mean anything.'' She smiled and kissed him again. ''I'm so sorry about what I said about your family. I didn't mean it. Not any of it.''

He never liked to talk about his childhood, he only told her about his parents because he was afraid she would read _that_ book about him. Changing the subject, ''Did you bite my lip?"

''Yes, but sweetheart don't try to dissect everything that when on last happen in the 's normal.''

He did have a point though because she was a little sore down there and his forcefulness last night was more than she ever expected from him but it only enhanced the excitement.

''You know, I didn't have sex with him. With Colin, that night you saw me. I wasn't with him or with anyone else while we were apart. I just wanted you to know.

''You didn't have to volunteer that. It wouldn't have mattered if you had.''

''Yes it does. It was a cruel to flaunt him in front of you. Why is it so hard for you to admit you care if I had sex with someone else?''

''I don't know.'' He looked off beyond her refusing to catch her gaze.

''I love you Severus, maybe one day soon you'll be able say it back.''

He opened his mouth to speak but he immediately closed it back. He'd never heard those words spoken to him before not even from his own mother. With a pained expression he again looked away.

''Those aren't dirty words, I love you.''

But to him they did feel that way, he couldn't stand to hear it. No one loved him his own family didn't even love him.

Looking him dead in the eyes, holding his face so he couldn't look away this time ''I love you, I love you, I love you,'' she said trying to make him realize that he was worthy of hearing those words.

''STOP IT!''

Raising her off his lap,'' you don't love me!''

''Yes I do, and I know you love me too Severus. It's not a weakness to say it.''

He felt trapped he couldn't just go around proclaiming his love for her.

''It's okay it's just a few words.'' She was trying to calm him down laying her head against his chest.

He wanted to say it back. He knew he'd fallen in love with her long before he realized what was happening but he just couldn't say it out loud. He'd spent too many years denying he had any emotions at all and verbalizing his true feeling took some of that control away.

As blatantly confident as he was about his magical abilities he was just as insecure about his lack of romantic experience for a man his age.

''Did you miss me?'' he asked

''Every day Severus. I missed you every single day.''

''Just not enough to come calling? If I had not come round yesterday how long would this have gone on?''

''We're both stubborn people I don't know.''

''Another week, a month, indefinitely?''

''No, not much longer.''

He raised an eyebrow at her.

''Look, I'm sorry I acted like that. I shouldn't shut you out like that but you need to work on the way you interact with me. You can't go making threats and grabbing me every time you get angry. I won't tolerate that and it scares me.''

''Jennifer you are many things but being afraid of me isn't one of them. You know I'd never physically hurt you...on purpose.'' He had been so ashamed the way he tried to hurt her _that night. _He'd already buried that with the long list of regrets he'd accrued over the years. Besides _that night _and the time he though she tried to kill him he couldn't recall trying to hurt her.

''Severus... when you grab me... that's hurting me... you can't do that.'' She looked at him hesitantly, and could tell from his reaction he didn't realize grabbing her the way he does is wrong.

''I'm sorry... I...didn't mean to... I wasn't aware.'' How could he have been so stupid he thought, Muggles don't interact the way wizards do. They don't have magic to instantly heal themselves so of course they are act more fragile with one another. What he considers harmless behavior is taken quite differently by her. A witch wouldn't consider grabbing one's arm a threat. He understood blatant abuse well enough, his parents taught him that but the hazy grey area, he had trouble with.

His pride made him offer up an explanation,'' You called me a coward among other things.''

''Well you called me a cunt so I think we're even.I don't have any magic to defend myself.''

So it was a misunderstanding after all, he wasn't aware of mildly inappropriate behavior when he grabbed her. She thought for a moment more about last night. They had been playing and his pretend anger had been okay then. Their game had been quite clear to her but it must be very confusing for him. One moment its okay the next it's not. She realized she had been too hard on him because he was still so ignorant of the subtle differences. They would have to work on that to avoid anymore misunderstandings.

''I've been under your special blend of magic for some time Jennifer, you don't need defending. I could only imagine the havoc you would create if you were a witch.''

''Just so you know. You aren't a nice person Severus. You're mean, condescending, you don't even like Muggles, but for some reason I love you anyway.''

''I see''

She waited for his sharp retort, but he said nothing else and smiled.

''I also know that's not all of you, sweetheart.'' He slightly jerked his head, and she playfully hit him on the arm, then heard a pop and saw Charles come in from the back.

Since she announced she was seeing Severus he'd stopped Apparating inside the house most of the time, afraid he would walk in on them preferring to spend time in the home of his current love interest. He'd see him coming and going occasionally, but the two men avoided one another.

Looking at them sitting there, '' I see you're back together'' rolling his eyes he grabs a forgotten piece of paper sitting on the counter.

''You two should have more respect for my home,'' and leaves.

''He didn't look too pleased, that brother of yours is never going to accept me." Severus was self-conscious, that her brother knew what had just transpired. Such things should be kept private, not on full view in their respective bed-clothes.

''Do you really care anyway Severus? I know you don't.''

''It's important to you.''

''Don't be too hard on him, he just wants to protect me.''

''Jennifer your in your mid thirties you don't need a brother's protection anymore.''

''He's a good brother Severus, always has been, do you know that when I was younger he bought me some magic toys with his own little money just so I wouldn't feel left out. And he always came to my tennis tournaments even if it meant leaving his own events just to support me.''

''So that makes him brother of the year then in your eyes.'' he mumbled to himself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Sleepless nights 15**

Spending nearly every night at Severus' home now Jennifer had essentially moved in. He'd come to expect her there sleeping beside him and looked forward to spending all his waking hours in her company. He caught her snooping around some his old school things one day but instead of being upset he sat down with her and talked about Dumbledore and Hogwarts. He hadn't put any repelling charms on anything or even attempted to carefully hide his things anything except Dumbledore's portrait. She more or less had free reign of the house and he loved her being there. A couple of weeks after moving in she woke up and glanced at her clock, It was still several hours before day light and he was gone again. Finally wanting to know why he'd been gone for the last 3 nights she got up looking for him. She didn't know that he spent plenty of nights this way and thought maybe he was ill. She found him in the lab, "what are you doing up? It's the middle of the night?"

''I'm perfectly aware of hour, I couldn't sleep."

''You couldn't sleep the last couple of nights either."

Pretending to focus on his cauldron he downplayed his restlessness. ''I find I don't require an abundance of sleep anymore."

''How much is that?"

''I sleep for a couple of hours most nights."

"How long has this been going on?"

''Since I got out of the hospital.''

''You haven't slept more than a couple of hours every night for over a year?''

''Not every night."

"But more often than not right? How have you been managing all this time? That's dangerous, your body can't function like that."

"Am I to understand that you're now a doctor?''

''You don't have to be a doctor to know that's not healthy. You need to see someone."

"What I _need_ is to finish my work in peace."

"Come back to bed... please.''

"I'm more productive here. I'd just be laying there wasting time. Nothing works... I've tried everything.''

"Maybe your solution isn't magical. Humor me okay."

Safely back in bed she draped her leg across him and ran her hand over his chest, ''you know there's one natural sleep remedy that always works."

He turned over and with his back facing her, "that doesn't work either."

She was still not ready to give up "we could try."

''Would it make you feel better if I said I have a headache.?"

Realizing she was fighting a losing battle she went back to sleep.

When his insomnia first started he tried every sleeping remedy he knew of but their continued use had too many unwanted side effects. Most notably he found that he became quite dependent on them and would sleep nonstop for days at a time and could barely function even while awake.

Sometime later Jennifer was awakened by sudden intense movement next to her as he was wildly flailing about muttering something about a snake. Shaking him, he slowly woke up from his nightmare. With his heart pounding still in the grips of sleep he wasn't sure if she was the Dark Lord in disguise. Shaking off the last traces of sleep he saw her worried look and tried to dismiss his nightmare.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing just a nightmare go back to sleep.''

Running to the washroom, she brought back a wet towel and wiped his face and chest. ''You're drenched it sweat. Is this why you can't sleep, you have nightmares?"

''Occasionally" he said lying he had nightmares several times a week but she was just normally slept through them. She laid awake until she heard rhythmic breathing and was certain he'd fallen back asleep. She didn't know it at the time but this scenario would repeat itself on many nights.

* * *

><p>Rolling over in bed the next morning she was disappointed to see he was already up and out of the house. About an hour later she saw him coming down the street looking well rested despite his lack of sleep.<p>

"you're up early, I though I'd be back before you woke up."

On the heals of his nightmare it was followed by a more pleasant one with Lily. Physically they had been teenagers but their discussion was of an adult nature involving Jennifer. In the dream he and Lily were friends again and she'd told him how happy she was that he was in love. He went on and on about Jennifer all the while Lily beamed more like a mother would and not the object of his past desire. He'd had a series of dreams like this since leaving the hospital. The first few involved her telling him not to give into his self-destructive thoughts. After he met Jennifer she told him to open himself up to a new possibility. Now he did most of the talking and she listened and smiled sweetly back at him. Lily being happy for him left him with good thoughts this morning.

"We need to talk" Jennifer said as he walked in.

"Those are scary words coming from such a beautiful face. '' Kissing her briefly he headed straight for the kitchen.

"I'm serious"

''Certainly, but can I at least eat first. I can't possibly defend myself from whatever you're going to throw at me on an empty stomach."

She couldn't help but smile and followed him to the kitchen.

Finishing their breakfast she spoke first since it looked to her he wasn't going to bring it up.

Putting down her cup of tea, "you can't go on like this maybe your problems with your magic your nightmares are related."

In an instant he went from being pleasant to irritated. "Thank you for enlightening me with your _vast_ psychological insight, however did you make the connection?"

"You don't have to be an ass I'm trying to help you."

''Your speculations aren't helping.''

''Why did you do it? You've never told me why you became one of those people.''

'' A Death Eater?''

'' Well yes... I just don't understand.''

''It's complicated''

''Please... I won't get mad. I just want to know why,'' she said taking his hand.

''I thought it would make me powerful.''

''But you can do so many things already.''

''There's a wide spectrum of abilities some wizards are vastly more powerful the others.''

''Charles said your abilities are highly regarded... not by him of course, but everyone else.''

''I wasn't always. I was powerless child once. My father used to beat my mother and I did nothing. I thought that if I learned the dark arts I could defend her when I got older. She used to tell me how powerful the dark arts were and didn't interfere with my obsession, she even encouraged it.

''That's...an odd thing to foster.''

''I believe on some level she approved of my seeking revenge because wanted me to do what she couldn't. But it was so irresponsible to let a child read those types of books.'' He said, lost in his own memory.

''And did you protect her?''

With a defeated look ''No, I stayed hidden away at Hogwarts as often as I could. I never defended her. I was a coward.''

''He was still your father that doesn't make you a coward.''

''He was a useless drunk who made me feel worthless. It would have been so easy to hurt him. I thought about it every time I went home. The disgrace of being at the mercy of that filthy Muggle.''

Jennifer hardly took notice of his offensive language anymore, she'd seen a picture of his parents and his father looked quite intimidating.

''I think you should talk to someone."

''Isn't that what you're here for?''

''I meant a professional.''

''We don't have people like _that _to talk to. Only Muggles waste their time contemplating their feeling. W_e _know that life isn't fair and deal with it.''

''You have nightmares and can't sleep. You're not dealing with it.''

''When I was first released from the hospital I wanted someone to come and kill me. I lowered all the charms on the house and I openly sat in town but... they never came.''

''Oh God I'm so sorry why? That night we met you didn't want to die. I thought you were going to kill _me_.''

''I'd come to my senses by then, but before...I thought my life was over. My magic was severely damaged. It was reduced to a child's level. I could fly using a broom but not much more. The healer was telling me some nonsense about trauma and he assured me it was only temporary but I was impatient. Temporary meant a few days to me not months, possibly years, it wasn't worth living like that.''

''You... you tried to kill yourself? Just because you couldn't do magic anymore?"

''I felt dead inside already. Every day I awoke it felt like torture. Not being able to do magic was a form of death. I felt useless so I wanted to just die and get it over... make it final.''

''Oh Severus'' she looked on the verge of tears herself, ''I never knew how bad it got for you.''

He looked stiff and uncomfortable, as she tried to comfort him.

''How did you try? Only if you want to tell me.''

Waving his hand dismissively, ''I made a feeble attempt... snake venom.''

She looked at him with a horrified expression, ''the same way you almost died before?"

''I thought it was a very fitting end,'' he said trying not to catch her gaze. ''I had an anecdote near by if I changed by mind.''

''What stopped you?''

''I thought it was a cowards way out. Only the weak commit suicide.''

''People that are in extreme pain commit suicide Severus, it doesn't mean their weak.''

''My father always thought I was weak. He ruled over my mother blaming her for _his_ drinking and failed gambling, said she cursed him and he beat her for it. We never had any money. If it weren't for my mothers magic saving on the household expenses we would have lived on some dirty Muggle council estate. He didn't want any children you know. He told me once. He told a seven-year old frightened boy that he never wanted him!''

She tried to comfort him but he walked away.

''What would you have me do? Go see a Muggle counselor? Lie down and discuss my father's abuse and my parent's neglect? Tell them I used to be a Death Eater? That I killed my mentor and almost died from a snake I once watched eat one of my colleagues? That I've watched people being tortured and stood by and did nothing to help? That I've seen so many people die that I can't stand to be alone with my own thoughts anymore? Such wasted lives...so many dead...we wasted our lives following him. I don't think that was covered at university!''

''Your life has not been wasted, and it's far from being over.''

She saw a crack in his rigid, self-assured public persona. She still didn't understand what all had went on during the war because he purposely only told her the sanitized version. She took him in her arms, giving him permission to fully let down his guard and cried softly in her arms.


	16. Chapter 16

**Settling in 16**

''He needs a suit. Something classy but kind of causal with a hint of color and a few other pieces too.''

''Black, it needs to be black,'' Severus said exhausted by the entire process.

The clerk ignored him and looks at Jennifer for assurance and she nods approvingly.

Severus sees this exchange,''have I no say in this matter?''

Kissing him quickly "of course you do.''

''I'm wearing Muggle clothes now, I don't need anymore.''

''I've been looking at those same ragged robes for a year now and just so you know wearing your robes over trousers and a shirt doesn't count and it looks ridiculous Severus. Besides they don't fit you right anyway.''

''The fact that I'm wearing trousers at all is a testament to my willingness to wizards would never be seen this way.''

''Sweetheart what I don't understand is why? You know how to dress like one of us... to blend in but you choose to stand out in this way. You draw attention to yourself. You aren't entirely living among wizards anymore. You have to try to blend in better than that.''

''I don't spend enough time with them for it to matter. You still haven't told me what prompted this little shopping excursion of yours?''

''Your old playmate?''

''I beg your pardon?''

''You know the guy we saw at the market last week?''

''Waylon Jones?''

''Yes, you remember he said you look exactly the same way you did when you two were children.''

''Waylon was not my _playmate _he simply lived two houses over.''

''Either way, it's time for a change sweetheart.''

He knew she didn't mean it to be an insult but he thought it reflected poorly on him. He was a half-blood after all and should have been able to move between both the magical and Muggle world but he choose to set himself apart and took pride ignoring that part of him. His small village was used to him and his strange ways and his working class Muggle father had made him one of them. They never questioned where he'd been all those years or his strange way of dressing. They just thought he liked to put on airs.

The shoppeclerk came back and she left him to pick out his clothes. Taking a seat speaking to no one in particular under his breath, ''well I see I'm not needed here... useless Muggle clothes.''

From across the store he hears her calling him, ''Severus I need you to look at these.''

Walking over, the two of them each give him a pile to try on.

After trying on the last one, ''I hate it, just like the last four. ''

Jennifer turned back to talk to the clerk the two of them proceeded to decide what he would be keeping.

''I don't why you even asked my opinion if you're just going to ignore my wishes.''

''Don't be so dramatic.''

Thinking to himself, I stood head to head with the most powerful dark wizard in the world and now I apparently can't say no to one Muggle woman and a shoppeclerk.

* * *

><p>Back at home pretending to listen to her going on about something about her employer, he took a critical look around his home. He hadn't paid attention to the changes she'd made but they were for the better.<p>

''Did you change the rug?''

''A month ago''

''When did you get all these mirrors?''

''3 months ago''

''What's that next to the television?''

''It plays movies.''

''You need another electrical device? If you keep filling my home that nonsense you know eventually they will stop working. Too much magic and electricity don't mix.''

''You said I couldn't have an _excessive_ amount. One small TV and a few small things aren't going to overload your house. ''

''Alright but no more. I'm not going to be blamed when your precious _things_ are broken. We had a television once... until my father sold it. The bloody thing didn't work half the time anyway.

''You surprise me everyday Severus.''

''Well books never breakdown. But it looks like you've become the little decorator.''

''Maybe I'll have to start charging you.''

Pulling her into his lap, ''just to be clear, I pay all the expenses, finance your decorating projects all on my non-existent wages and you do what now?''

''I provide you with endless sexual favors,'' she said running her hand down his chest. I listen to your lectures, and I cook. You're hardly in dire needs here. I know you're not just dabbling in the lab. Whatever you're making up there has pocketed you a good return.''

''Fair exchange, but my dabbling can't sustain me indefinitely.''

''Severus you own this house outright. I pay for the telephone and the small amount of electricity I now use and you don't pay any other utilities. From where I'm sitting you have it pretty good here. ''

''We still have expenses. We are in the habit of eating several times a day.'' He knew she was telling the truth he could comfortably live for another year on his savings. Since Hogwarts normally provided his food and lodging most of his wages were in savings. He only spent his money on books and other small personal things.

''If you don't like the changes I've made? I could change it all back and I do draw a salary you know.''

''I won't live off your wages and I think I'd have a better chance of winning the world cup than to get you to change it all back.''

''Of course I would it's your house.''

''I have no illusions that I still have control of this house anymore, I lost that ages ago.'' He was nuzzling her neck letting his hands roam where they pleased.

''Not true, sweetheart you're a powerful wizard.''

He made a noise acknowledging he knew she was laughing at him.

''You are aware that I'm never going to wear anything you purchased today, more than once or twice.''

''I know, but I'll be grateful for those times.''

She had to admit he did oblige almost every request she made. The phone and electricity had been turned back on as it hadn't been on since his father died when he was in his 6th year. At first he balked at the idea saying it was a waste but he relented when she told him it was too much trouble to keep returning to Charles' flat everyday to work. She declared that maybe she would just stay there for the time being.

The furniture was upholstered the books had been moved out of the bedroom, off the floors and any other place he kept them besides the bookshelves. She had him erect inconspicuous shelves that ran the length of the ceiling to house the rest of his collection. The heavy dark curtains were replaced much thinner ones allowing more light in. She had him conjure fresh flowers every week giving his home a lived in feel. He learned a few housekeeping charms to keep the house tidy since she told him flat-out the she wasn't his servant and was tired of cleaning up after him.

* * *

><p>They were not without their adjustments as any couple would have. Ironically it was the small changes each of them had to make that were proving to be the hardest. She had to learn to live without some of the modern conveniences most other people took for granted. She missed having company over since her friends couldn't or refused to visit. He had to learn that unlike when he saw her at her brother's flat where she had rearranged her schedule to be with him, she didn't like to disturbed while she worked. The hour-long phone calls to her colleagues in the states annoyed him, because they seemed to discuss nothing of importance and talked about numbers being too high or too low. Most of his magic had been restored, and gradually, he became comfortable using more of it in front of her instead of the confines of his lab. He used his magic as a flimsy excuse to turn potential visitors away but she understood that he just didn't want anyone else in his home. Her friends accepted her explanations about his privacy since the enchantment made them wary of spinners end and they gladly met her in town. Although he refused to admit it, he secretly relished having her all to himself.<p>

He taught her Wizards Chess, showed her how to use his money and instructed her in wizarding history. She was bored with his spontaneous lectures and wondered how his ministry would feel about him revealing their secrets. He knew she was a reluctant pupil and never quite paid attention but he talked on anyway figuring he was enlightening her about a vastly better world.

Spending constant time with him she would have welcomed any type of visitor and became friendly with a few of his elderly of them had been living here since he was a child. A couple surprised her with their recollections of how horrible his father was to him and his mother. One also told her how neighborhood children would have minor accidents while being around Severus if they angered him, so most stayed away. She felt sorry for him and tolerated his ravenous sexual appetite making their quasi-honeymoon after she moved in last longer than one would expect.

She spent a solid 2 hours trying to explain a computer, the Internet and how her telephone connected them. He declared them useless mostly because he didn't understand them she believed. On one occasion she caught him looking over her shoulder while at the computer asking how many books it contained. When she said an indefinite amount he was a little more impressed, but left the room frustrated when she told him he would have to use a keyboard to type his request instead of verbally or non verbally retrieving the information as he had expected. He was fascinated by the concept of a credit card and tried to listen as she explained modern muggle finance to him. He was amazed that she could move so-called money from one side of the world to the other with the touch of her finger, without ever physically having the money in her hands.

Most importantly, he had to get used to her being around all the time invading his personal space asking him a hundred questions all day long. If they had been important magical questions he wouldn't have minded so much but they were always of a personal nature. He did love that since she no longer shared space with her brother she now wore very little around the house which he used to his advantage every chance he could. There wasn't a single space in his home that they hadn't christened yet, including the small garden out back. He knew she felt sorry for him after talking to his neighbors and made full use of this. He would use this sympathy by coaxing her sometimes in the middle of the night to accommodate his urges. Insisting that he'd had years of celibacy to make up for she obliged. He thought the vision of her traipsing around his home in knickers and a shirt would never failed to arouse him. As time passed he had gotten used to it and didn't have to have her twice a day anymore as his erections abated and he settling for what he considered a more subdued nearly every other day.

* * *

><p>Talking via a tiny camera mounted on her computer Jennifer was speaking to her cousin one evening. ''DeDe I can't believe you're over there living in sin again. I thought you said after frank you wouldn't live with another man again until you got married."<p>

''I know but this feels right'' Jennifer said.

''He can't be as bad as Charles has made him out to be."

''Keisha you know how Charles is he just doesn't like him.''

''Yeah, he's just like you except when you hate someone you try to make their lives miserable.''

Laughing at her cousin '' what ...me never, everyone loves me.''

''Except the ones who can't stand your crazy ass,'' Keisha said laughing back at her.

''What kind of mess is Charles telling all of you?''

''My mom said he told aunt Louise that your new man was an unemployed teacher who was fired from some snooty private school for beating up his principal and lives off of you.''

They both laughed at this, ''crazy, I know but don't sweat it DeDe Charles has always been a little off even when we were kids. Don't worry about him. I don't think aunt Louise and uncle Thurman really believe him anyway.''

Since only the immediate family knew about Charles she simply told everyone else Severus taught at a private school and was on a leave. Her parents on the other had wanted to know everything. Charles could freely give their parents all the details even sending them a copy of _Snape: Scoundrel or Saint _hoping they could talk her out of seeing him. Jennifer had never been a fan of tabloid reporting so she refused to read it.

''So when can I meet this man whose swept you off your feet?

"Right now, hold on a sec,'' she ran to the other room.

She reminded him that her cousin wasn't aware of his world so he quickly altered his clothing to something more Muggle friendly and came over and looked at the computer screen as she pointed to the camera. Looking at the clear picture of the woman on the other side of the world only now did he realize why Jennifer hadn't been impressed by the two-way mirror he'd bought her before.

''It's nice to finally met the man DeDe has spent all her time with.''

''Severus, this is my cousin Keisha.''

Simply nodding his hello, Just then her four year old came into view. ''Hi aunt DeDe when are you coming home?''

''I don't know Justin right now my friend Mr. Snape wants me to stay here.''

As serious as a four year old could be Justin said, "Mr. Snake can aunt DeDe come to my birthday party?''

Despite the fact that the little boy messed up his name in the kindest voice she had ever heard him speak. ''I would be very sad if she left me Justin maybe you could come and visit her one day.''

Justin beamed ''okay can I fly on a real airplane?"

''Of course, but you'll have to ask you mum and dad first.''

With that Justin ran off to find his father leaving Keisha laughing. "Well I guess that's a done deal then."

Whispering to Jennifer in a lighthearted way, ''don't make me do that again.''

He left them alone to talk in private wondering if he would have made the same choices in life if he had loving family and friends like she had. He observed that she was close to her brother despite their obvious differences and Charles delighted in her accomplishments, even if he hated her choice in men.

After finishing her conversation with her cousin she was curious about a few things. "Have you ever thought of looking up your family?''

''You know I don't have any family. My mother's family disowned her when she married my father and later left the country.''

''I meant your father's family.''

''My father was estranged from his relations. Why would you ask?

''I was looking around and found some people with your last name. They only live about 2 hours away and it's such an uncommon name so I figured you had to be related.''

''You took it upon yourself to find them?''

''I just thought you might want to get to know them. I love you but you have such...''

''Such what!''

''Anger... such anger,self-hatred. Severus you hate that part of yourself. Maybe if you met some of them it would help. It doesn't have to be all or nothing with you. You make it sound like as soon as you learn you can do magic you have to abandon the part of you that isn't.''

''That's the way it generally works.''

''Says who? You can make it work however you want. Everyone doesn't hate you because of your blood Severus, you've spent your entire life surrounded by people who think their way of living is the only right one. If most wizards are a mixture like you then they must have found some kind of balance.''

''They never cared about me. When my father was beating my mother and they left me to raise myself, my _Muggle_ family never once came to my defense,'' he spat out.

''How do you know you were a child. They might not have even known of your existence.''

''They knew, they just didn't care.''

Since he never talked about his family she had the feeling he knew more about them than he was letting on.

''You've already met them? When? What were they like?

''I will not have you interrogating me. This matter is closed.''

''Okay'' she said but she didn't sound believable.

''Jennifer I will not tolerate meddling, even from you. A month from now I don't want some distant Muggle relation on my doorstep. I don't want you intruding again, is that understood?''

''I don't like your tone Severus, don't talk to me like that. You may have everyone else fooled but you can't pretend with me I'm not afraid of you. I don't meddle in your life.''

''What would you do if I suddenly got tired of you and left?''

She didn't sound serious but he couldn't always tell with her. He looked mortified for a few seconds.

He was then very quiet pondering what to make of this. ''Are you leaving?''

''Is that an apology?'' She asked him warmly, running her hand through his hair, fingering one of his rare grey strands.

He relaxed, ''now as I was saying, interfering, prying, nosy, feel free to stop me when you find the term you prefer.''

There was silence for all of 30 seconds before she started with the questions again,''when did you meet them?''

''Did I not tell you less than a minute ago this is a closed issue?'' She kept staring at him indicating she expected no less than a full answer. She was right after all, he thought. She wasn't afraid of him, if anything he was afraid of the power she wielded over him without an ounce of magic in her.

''I don't have anything in common with them ...their Muggles.''

''I can understand how hard it would be to spend an hour or so with your blood relatives as oppose to spending morning, noon and night with me, she said sarcastically.

He had no false pretenses anymore about his family. ''I will tell you this once and then you will never ask me about it again.''

She sat down ready to hear everything he had to say.

''My fathers family was a waste entirely. When my father died his mother and sister came to see me but I was so caught up in the dark arts I yelled at them and they fled. They were Muggles after all and didn't know anything about me being a wizard so I though they were of no use to me. I haven't seen any of them since then and they've never contacted me.''

''What about your maternal family?''

''When I was in my seventh year of school I sought out my mother's family under the misguided belief that since I was about to become a Death Eater they would welcome me back into the fold with open arms. I stood there on my aunt's doorstep bragging about ruling over Muggles and Muggle-borns.''

''How did she react?''

''She was angry I had disturbed her, she was an undeniable pure blood supremacist but not an evil woman. She didn't want to harm anyone she just didn't want them mixing with pure bloods. The family disowned my mother for marrying a Muggle and sullying her pure blood status but...she was disgusted with the dark arts and hated the violence surrounding the Dark Lord. I hadn't expected that. I thought they all had the views like the Dark Lord. I thought they wanted everyone dead but I was wrong. She was quite civil to me at first said I looked a bit like my grandfather and wanted to know if my mother knew I was there. She was about to invite me in for a drink ... until I ruined it by talking about Death Eaters. She called me a stupid, evil, half-blooded murderer and told me if I ever contacted her again she would curse me herself.''

''Well people aren't always so clearly good or bad, maybe she's changed.''

''No, they aren't, she sent me an owl after my mother died, but I refused to open it.''

''Have you ever tried to-''

''Enough... I've answered your questions'' he said leaving the room and walking into the bedroom slamming the door behind him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Christmas **

Jennifer was becoming too accustomed to the magical world she thought. One morning when he received a package from an owl, and she automatically took out a coin from Severus' pouch to pay it. Taking it to his lab she stood in the doorway since her initial fascination with his lab was long over. The many disgusting things in there sometimes turned her stomach.

''You received a letter and a package.''

''Don't keep me in suspense, read who it's from.'' He clearly did not want to be disturbed from his work.

''It's from your school.''

Without saying a word or looking up from his cauldron he reached out his hand motioning for her to bring it to him.

She brings it over but before giving it to him she said, "thank you Jennifer for bringing this to me, especially when I could have easily gotten it myself." She constantly had to remind him to extend common courtesies to her. He grabs her around the waist and lightly kisses her neck.

''Thank you.'' he said

''See how easy that was, remember that next time.''

_''Accio sickle!'' _he handed her the coin.

''You think you're so funny.'' She kissed him on the cheek before walking out and pocketing the coin for good measure.

After she leaves he reads

_Dear Severus,_

_I hope this letter finds you well._

_I'm delighted to see you and your companion are still keeping company. The two of you looked so happy in Paris I didn't wish to disturb you with my presence._

_Please enjoy your Christmas and I await your return to Hogwarts._

_M McGonagall_

He waved his hand and the letter disappeared before he moved on to the package. It was a framed picture of Jennifer and himself when they were in Paris and another unframed one. They were rather nice pictures of the two of them, they looked very happy. A new book of spells for him and a shawl for Jennifer.

Coming back downstairs he handed her the shawl. "This was sent for you.''

Admiring the pretty shawl ''who would send me something by owl?"

''Professor McGonagall sent this also,'' showing her a picture of them in Paris and one which had to have been taken in London a few weeks ago.

''One of your colleagues?" She was anxious to hear for the first time that someone knows him well enough to send a gift.

''She saw us in was in Paris and again in London. ''

''Was she the older woman I saw you talking to?"

'' Yes''

'' You should have introduced me.''

''She was in a hurry,'' he said telling her a lie. Professor McGonagall had asked to meet Jennifer when she saw the two of them on the street. Severus came over to her before she could approach Jennifer who was coming out of a shoppe. He dismissed the introduction out right but she never mentioned she had seen them in Paris.

* * *

><p>Jennifer took it upon herself to invite her brother and his lady friend Ingrid, a Swedish witch to Christmas dinner. Although Charles still couldn't stand him he was at least civil for Jennifer's sake. Ingrid annoyed Severus with her bubbly personality and he thought she was rather dim which he felt the need to remind Jennifer any chance he could. Jennifer was in the kitchen preparing Christmas dinner while he sat watching her fascinated just by watching her cook. He came up behind her aroused by the site of her playing the happy housewife. There had been few celebrations in the Snape home growing up and Christmas was no exception. By age eight he had stopped asking why they never celebrated with relatives and gifts. He'd never imagined this would be his life because he couldn't have envisioned himself happy, let alone with a Muggle happily cooking Christmas dinner.<p>

''Jennifer, I love you this way,'' He said trying to remove her jeans.

''Severus I need to finish cooking.''

''They won't be here for hours and you owe me a favor,'' he said kissing her behind her ears.

''It takes hours to prepare this.''

''It won't take that long.''

''Okay''

He finally pulled down her jeans and knickers to her ankles bending her over the table so her back side was facing him. He removed everything from the table by hovering them high above their heads. He swiftly eased into her and it was over very quickly. When he was done he kissed her on the cheek. ''I told you it wouldn't take that long.''

After cleaning themselves and the kitchen back up they returned to their respective places. Smiling to herself she thought of how he'd gone from being too afraid to even consider touching her when they first met to now having a quick fuck on the kitchen table.

''Jennifer we don't need all this food.''

''Of course we do.''

''I'm sure Ingrid made him something special. She might be smart enough to heat up a cup of tea.''

''Please don't start on them again.''

''It's absurd the way they carry on.''

''You're one to talk you're such a hypocrite Severus. You just fucked me on the kitchen table... on Christmas day.''

''It's not the same. I was referring to their behavior in public.''

Their living together didn't bother her but in his mind they weren't living together at all since she technically had another place to stay but simply chose not to spend her nights there. How he rationalized this and made that distinction only he knew.

''Jennifer, tell me again why I have to be here?''

''Well for starters it's your house and it be would be rude if you weren't here. I even bought some crowns and those crackers. I want a traditional English Christmas. ''

''Traditionaly I spend Christmas alone or at the very least at school so by all means feel free to turn my home into the social event of the year.''

''It's two people.''

''You know I find Ingrid an abysmal waste of time and Charles …''

''He's my brother so he's welcome in our home anytime and Ingrid's sweet, I like her. They might get married one day so try to be nice.''

Severus didn't think she realized what she'd just said and he silently smiled to himself. ''I don't want _us_ to have to spend the next hundred years sitting across from her at the Christmas table every year.''

''A hundred years? Really that's a bit much, you know we don't live that long. ''

''I'm sure by that time you Muggles would have come closer to closing the age gap .''

''Complimenting our doctors I can't believe what I'm 's a Christmas miracle.''

''You don't want to spend the next one hundred years with me?'' He said wrapping his arms around her.

''Eighty five definitely, but 100 I'm not sure I want to be tied down like that,'' she jokingly. She loved the security of his arms around her.

* * *

><p>Dinner was uneventful and after exchanging gifts their guest left early tired from having spend Christmas Eve in Sweden with her family.<p>

''See, that wasn't so bad'' she said drinking a bottle of wine.

''I've had better conversations.''

''I haven't given you my present yet.'' She went to change and came out standing in one of his robes which she had shortened and adorned with red lace around the hem. The front part and the bodice had been tightly gathered so it resembled a tight corset with her breast on full display. She wore tiny red knickers underneath that had a large opening down the middle for easy access he assumed. She had a suspicion he fantasized about her dressed like this but was afraid to ask thinking she would take offense.

''You look nice in my robes'' he said as she straddled him with the robes grazing her floor as she raised an fell on his lap. This was turning out to be a great Christmas for him for the second time today he managed to a visit to his favorite spot.

* * *

><p>''I loved your gift,'' he said after they had finished making love.<p>

Jumping up from the bed, ''the robes weren't your gift I almost forgot.'' She picked up the robes off the floor and pulled a small box from the pocket, ''This is your gift.''

Turning over the pocket watch reading the inscription that was enchanted so only the two of them would be able to read.

_We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly._

_Forever yours,_

_Love Jennifer_

''Thank you,'' genuinely touched, '' I thought we agreed not to buy anything else?''

''Being nice to our guest was your gift to me. You know it's not fair that I'm the only one that gets to see this side of you, your sensitive sweet side.''

''So I can take back the necklace I bought you last week?''

''Hell no, I've put in the time. I earned that necklace.''

He loved her more than he cared to the way she included him in every aspect of her life. Loved that she respected his need for solitude at times. Loved how caring she was even when his anger was directed towards her or anyone else in general. He loved the way her body responded to his the way she howled his name at the height of her orgasm. He loved that he could bring her to the edge of ecstasy making her beg him, giving anything to relieve the tension. Not to be outdone he loved that he awoke some mornings finding her on top of him, taking full advantage of his erections and her own morning dew. As much as loved being in control, he knew she wielded just as much power over him. A frown or smile from her could sometimes change his whole outlook for that day.


	18. Chapter 18

**Jumping into the Unexpected**

Ingrid had invited Jennifer and Severus to a gathering a friend of hers was having.

''Jennifer I promise you won't be the only Muggle there. Most of these people are in mixed marriages or relationships like you, they're not all stuffy like your typical wizards. You'll love this Fancy dress party its called Beasts and Beings.''

Ingrid didn't explain the theme because she thought Jennifer already knew, so the true meaning of the name was lost on her. She simply thought it was a costume party like the one Amanda dragged her to once.

''You'll fit right in and I'm sure some of them went to school with Severus please convince him to come.''

* * *

><p>He wasn't sure what he was going to do about Jennifer leaving. She dropped hints that the time was approaching but she kept making her plans none the less. He assumed she wanted go back to the states and had no interested in staying. He was still apprehensive about their life together. He loved her without question but a life with her would be one where magic was relegated to a secondary pastime or so he thought.<p>

* * *

><p>It took a lot of prodding but Jennifer was able to convince him to attend so they arrived and were warmly greeted by the host Gideon dressed like some sort of werewolf. Since Severus refused to wear a costume she didn't don one either.<p>

''Welcome welcome so glad you two could make it.'' Taking Jennifer's hand and kissing it, he turned to Severus. ''Severus so good to see you again.''

Now remembering him from his school days at Hogwarts, ''Gideon I hardly recognize you.'' Severus said looking at the portly man.

''Well it has been a long time. Come this way I have some others who would love to see you again.''

Severus whispered to Gideon that Jennifer didn't know that the Beings and Beast portrayed tonight were real and asked him no to divulge the truth.

He brings him to a couple dressed to Jennifer as mythical creatures standing by the fireplace. Severus recognizes a former Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff but can't recall either of their names.

''Thaddeus, Matilda you must remember Severus he's famous these days and this is Jennifer.''

Matilda spoke first, ''do you remember me? You once told me a potion of mine was worst than troll piss and should concentrate on transfiguration.''

Severus looked mortified but Matilda and her husband were laughing. Thaddeus saying,''her potions are still worst than troll piss our 8 year makes better potions.''

Severus relaxed and automatically lied. ''I don't recall ever saying such a thing.''

He was very nasty at times in his youth but does remember saying that to her. At the time he though he was complimenting her on her transfiguration skills, as they were excellent.

''I was terrible but you were right, I now write for _Transfiguration Today_.''

''Your Severus here once gave me a tail,'' Thaddeus said.

Seeing that he was not laughing they stopped and Matilda said, ''Severus we're just having good fun.'' He could tell they meant no harm but he was dismayed to be reminded of his former self.

"Severus let me get you a drink.'' He went with Thaddeus, leaving Jennifer alone with Matilda but she could tell he was uncomfortable.

''Jennifer you must be a miracle worker I never though I'd see him here ...with someone like you especially. These aren't the sort of people he used to associate with.''

Not wanting Jennifer to take offense, she corrected herself, ''Its strange to see him here with anyone at all not because you're a Muggle.''

Smiling back at her,''he slips now and then but he has changed a lot.''

Looking around the room Jennifer had to agree with Ingrid, about a quarter of the people there appeared to be Muggles and they seemed to be freely mingling with the others.

Severus came back with Thaddeus with a frown. ''I was under the impression that performing magic in front of Muggles was forbidden unless I've been away longer than I thought?''

''Do you plan on alerting the ministry?"

"No .. but this sort of thing is not warmly received.''

Thaddeus whispered back to him,'' You are aware that the ministry has wisely focused their attentions on more important matters these days and overlooking minor infractions. There's no harm in taking advantage. I'm certain this year is just a temporary one off.''

''And you've chosen to use this leniency as an excuse to indulge in forbidden gatherings?'' Thaddeus didn't have to worry about him going to the ministry. Severus wanted nothing to do with the lot of them, no matter whose leadership they were under or how many so-called reforms had been enacted.

''Severus, you have to remember your circumstances have changed. Your new lady friend would be most unwelcome with your old lot but here... is a different matter.''

Severus spotted Charles and Ingrid dressed as a Vampire and Hag. Taking Jennifer by the hand he went the other way before she spotted them too. He caught snatches of conversation along the way, and guessed that most of the wizards and witches here were half-bloods or Muggle- borns. Unlike himself they seemed at ease and unashamed of their Muggle relations. Arriving back home in the wee hours,''it was not completely unpleasant. Was that your way forcing me to socialize?''

''Severus I didn't ask you to shut yourself off from your world that was entirely your choice. So I'm not asking you to rejoin it either it. This was just one evening and I just thought you would enjoy being around some others people besides me and my friend.''

If this was his new life it wasn't as miserable as he'd expected. Those people were far removed from his former acquaintances and could care less about the wizarding élite. He'd been so enthralled with ingratiating himself with the right people in school he had to remind himself that most wizards weren't entangled so closely in the wizarding war.

* * *

><p>The closer they grew the more they couldn't keep their hands to themselves she had never been with a man that she ached be with all the time. They did seemed to fight more often than she remembered in her past relationships but then again he wasn't like anyone she'd ever dated before. He had so much anger that he sometimes exploded in rage at the slightest thing most of it was directed at himself for a piece of magic he wasn't able to do anymore. Although most of his abilities had returned, he still wasn't able to do the type of advanced magic that very few wizards could do anyway.<p>

It wasn't as if she were afraid of him since his explosions normally past as quickly as they came but she still hated them. He was getting better at controlling them so they were becoming more infrequent, but they were sad to watch. She felt so powerless to help him so she continued to allow his usual response, which was sex with her. He took comfort in her body releasing his anger,sorrow, deep regrets, everything he kept hidden deep within he expressed it all with her. His sexual release serving as a valve for all of his emotions. It's as if he knew no other way to express his pent-up feeling.

* * *

><p>After an argument one night she was sleeping in the extra room wanting to be alone. He had another nightmare and after waking up he reached for her forgetting she wasn't there. Creeping into the other room and climbing into bed Jennifer woke up feeling his arms around her so she begin to stir. Normally his nightmares consisted of the same themes replayed over and over. He killed Dumbledore or Lily dying. Sometimes he replaced Voldemort and killed her himself. Occasionally he dreamed he was Nagini and devoured Charity Burbage and he even dreamed he killed the infant Harry Potter once. Lately they mainly involved Jennifer, this night instead of the dark lord trying to kill Lily he tried to kill Jennifer and he was again powerless to protect her.<p>

''Are you awake?" he asked.

''Yes"

''I couldn't sleep again last night," he said.

''What was it about?" She didn't really expect him to share with her since he refused every time but she kept asking anyway. He told her about the dream.

''It's okay sweetheart I know you'll protect me.''

''I wasn't able to protect her.''

He was finally able to tell her about Lily and his role in her and James' death. This time he didn't gloss over the details as he had before. He hadn't cared for Lily the way he once did since he started developing feelings for Jennifer. He told Jennifer about the torture he experienced at the hands of the dark lord and told her about Harry Potter. He told her all the violence he'd witnessed while being a Death Eater. She knew of his past and that he'd been present at the torture and murders of some people but he never spoke at length about it.

She was left to imagine what that actually entailed. It never dawned on her that he'd been tortured too or how much he cared for this elusive Lily. This explained the uncontrollable rage. The tears he was so ashamed of shedding and his basic distrust of people in general. He was naturally a stoic person so she assumed he'd come to terms with his past and remained unaffected by all of it. Those deaths had deeply affected him and his anguish seemed to grow with the passage of time as he'd only recently began to explore his own emotions.

Pulling her close ''I Love you, I don't want any secrets between us.''

''I love you too Severus.''

* * *

><p>Her remaining time in England was drawing to a close and she had to leave or at least start the paperwork to renew her visa. It seemed almost impossible for her to just return home now. She'd mentioned it to him hoping he was ask her to stay, but so far he hadn't. She'd never doubted his love but maybe he couldn't bring himself to marry a Muggle. She didn't think he harbored any meaningful hatred towards her kind even if he did use the word disparagingly at times. She let those incidents go since she realized he generally disliked everyone except her and was just as likely to insult wizards as he was Muggles.<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

"Your pregnant."

''But I was on the pill!'' Sitting there in the doctor's office saying it out loud she knows lately she hadn't been taking it as she should have been. She had declined some type of contraception mixture Severus wanted her to take when they first became intimate. Being what he was it certainly hadn't occurred to her to use a condom because he didn't carry the same risk as other men. She only came to the doctors because she was tired all the time.

Glad for once that he wasn't home when she got back she didn't know how he would take the news. They'd never mentioned children before and given his childhood she didn't think he really wanted any. Instead of telling him right away she wanted to wait for just the right time.

* * *

><p>A few days later she was dancing provocatively to her cell powered music player,'' I used to love this song.''<p>

Enjoying her performance he realized more than anything else he wanted their union formalized. Spending the rest of his life with this women who was willing to make a complete fool of herself just to entertain him made him feel ecstatic.

Trying to give him a personal dance, ''you know you like this.''

The song on the radio changed to something slower and she tried to pull him from the chair, ''dance with me."

''You know I don't dance.''

''Please for me?''

''I'm not very good.''

''I don't care'' finally pulling him to his feet swaying for a few minutes until the song ended.

Whispering in her ear, "I love you so much will you marry me?"

''Yes, Severus I will!''

For the first time in the last few days she had almost forgotten about the pregnancy.

* * *

><p>They set out the next day to look for her a proper ring. He couldn't believe how much he loved her. She didn't want anything from him other than his affection and companionship. She called him on his behavior without fear when he went too far. She wasn't so taken with the wizarding world as he assumed most Muggles would be or put him on a pedestal because of what he could do. She allowed him to use her body for comfort even when she clearly got nothing out of it but cared enough to tell him it wasn't healthy.<p>

* * *

><p>About two weeks after he'd proposed she knew she couldn't put it off any longer, ''Severus, I'm going to have a baby.''<p>

Not clearly hearing what she'd said, ''we'll talk about it after the wedding.''

''No, I'm having one now... I'm pregnant.''

Putting down the newspaper and moving to her, '' when did this happen? Are you sure?''

''Yes, I'm sure. I'm about 8 weeks.''

''Eight weeks! Why didn't know before now!'' He was lifting up her shirt expecting to see a visible sign of pregnancy as if he could have missed something that morning.

''I don't have a monthly and I just dismissed all the other symptoms.'' As if on cue she felt a waive of nausea but did her best to ignore it.

''When did you find out? And don't lie to me.''

''Just recently''

He looked at her with doubt, but realized it didn't really change anything. ''You assured me this wouldn't happen. If you had taken what I offered you, then _you_ wouldn't be in this situation.''

''I wasn't going to take some strange concoction you brewed up in your lab. You don't even know if it would have worked!''

''IT WOULD HAVE WORKED! It's a simple potion. Do you think I would have given it to you if I had any doubt about it working!''

''Well how was I suppose to know?''

"Because I told you! I told you that potion always works without fail. It works on all human women. It always works!''

''Honestly, Severus I thought you were talking something yourself or could somehow make it not happen.''

''Make it nothappen_?_

''Yeah...that's something you can do right?''

''Why would I need to give you the potion if I could simply make_ myself to not impregnate you?_ ''

_ ''_I just thought...''

''No, no you weren't thinking at all.''

''If it was so important to you then why weren't _you_ using something?''

''The side effects of _that_ potion are too extreme. Don't change the subject you should have taken better precautions-''

''I did...''

''DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!''

''Stop yelling it doesn't change anything. It's not as if we're two 17 year old's without resources.'' She hated when he was like this.

He paused for what seemed like an eternity.

''I'm not getting rid of our child.'' She said glaring at him.

''I wasn't suggesting ...did you do this on purpose? Trying to trap me, and land a wizard of your very own hoping to dilute that muggle blood of yours? It doesn't work that way _sweetheart_.''

''Right, because _yours_ is so pure. Its mixed with an abusive drunk and a witch too stupid to leave him. Your blood is no prize.''

As usual the critique about his parentage seemed to have no affect. ''Well did you do it on purposes?" He of course knew that wasn't the case. Their chance relationship probably wouldn't have even happened if she had met him even a month later. He'd lived here his entire life and counted her as his only confidant now the Dumbledore gone. In three months she'd found her own circle of friends. If she had wanted a wizard she could have easily found one through her brother.

''I can't believe you asked me that. This is most insulting thing you've ever said to me. No, _dear_ I'm not trying to trap you. You don't have anything but this broken down old house full of dusty books. I can go back home to the states right now Severus and you'll never see me again. Is that what you want?''

He backed off that particular motive and offered her his chair and brought her a glass of water.

''I'm not the first women to find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy, you teach a bunch of hormonal teenagers surely it happens from time to time.''

''Hogwarts students don't have those types of transgressions.''

''Well aren't you wizards the picture of perfection. It's so easy when you have magic to cover up all your little slips in life.''

''We do not mate and breed indiscriminately like-''

''Like what?'' Giving him a look that dared him speak what he was thinking.

''Animals'' he wasn't foolish enough to express his true thoughts.

''Really? Well I don't recall you worrying about that when you were climbing on top of me nearly ever day grunting and panting like an animal. I can barely uncross my legs before you're in between them again.''

''I have a healthy appetite for a man my age.''

''Please if I lifted my skirt for you now you'd give it a go. You have the appetite of three men Severus it's surprising I'm not pregnant all the time.''

This seemed to break the tension and he gave her an awkward smile. ''How are you feeling?''

''I'm feeling just fine.''

''Good. It just came as a surprise. We've never discussed children,'' kissing her on the forehead.

She whispered more to herself, while padding her stomach, ''a little Severus.''

Perhaps this was the way its suppose to be after all most people get married and have children. She seemed poised to fight him or worse if he even mentioned possible alternatives. He figured it was worth enduring a child to keep her in his life. Like it or not he was going to be a father.

He'd send an owl soon to McGonagall about coming back to Hogwarts explaining he would no longer be living there full-time.

* * *

><p>As time passed, he outwardly assured her he was fine with the pregnancy but there was a definite change between them. A child was the last thing they needed and he couldn't stand children. He just kept thinking another half-blood in the making with his worthless pedigree.<p>

One morning not long after her announcement, ''I'm going out,'' Severus said putting on his traveling cloak.

''Where?''

''I have some errands to run.''

''Wait I'll come with you.''

''Muggles aren't permitted.''

''Okay'' she said noticing his money bag, ''shopping?''

''Must you know every detail of my life? I _said_ I was going out. Stop asking me so many bloody questions!'' He watched her rise and attempt swear at him but he Disapperated before she could even get out the first few words.

He couldn't help wanting to be alone. Suddenly he seemed fully aware of her presence all the time and although she was not even showing yet she was singing and patting her stomach like a constant reminder. He couldn't even bring himself to touch her anymore all he thought of was the baby and its enviable birth. By the time he had returned she was already in bed when he climbed in. As soon as he was comfortably lying on his back she reached over elbowed him in the throat so hard he coughed a few times trying to catch his breath. ''Don't talk to me like that again,'' she said.

He knew for some ungodly reason she kept a personal knife on her at all times and for a second he irrationally thought she'd cut him. He couldn't anticipate her actions as he did with everyone else so she continued to catch him off guard. When he mentioned it to Dumbledore a while back thinking he was suffering a setback the portrait told him, ''the behavior of those you love can never be predicted or controlled.''

* * *

><p>Not long after his outburst , Jennifer awoke one morning to find Severus gone and a note laying next to her pillow.<p>

_My dearest love Jennifer,_

_I cannot endure the though of one day causing you pain as a result of my failings. I'm not worthy enough to be your husband and father to your child so it's better that your child should never know of me and my shameful past. I will ensure that you and your child be well cared for._

_Love always,_

_Severus_

A stack of English pounds were next to the note. ''Five weeks'' she said to herself. He lasted five weeks with the pregnancy news. He'd already broken off any kind of affection by referring to the baby as mine not his. She sat down dumbfounded in shock. Why is he doing this? Is he really gone? How could he leave this is _his_ house. Thinking this was a sick joke or that she was somehow dreaming, she spent all day waiting for him to come back. She kept replying the last few weeks in her head. She should have known he wasn't taking the pregnancy news well. There had been an unspoken growing distance between them ever since she'd made the announcementbut she took this as his way of dealing with the news.


	20. Chapter 20

**Reunion**

* * *

><p>Days went by and he never came so it finally sank in that he was gone for good. She packed up everything and went back to Charles' but never told him why she was back. She was too ashamed to admit the Charles had been partially right about Severus. She hadn't told him about the baby yet so if he noticed her wearing extra loose-fitting clothes and her weight gain he didn't mention it. Her brother just assumed they were fighting and was hopeful it was permanent.<p>

She spent the first week crying, barely getting out of bed. The next week she tried to figure out what she was going to do and immersed herself into her work . She went back to Spinners End, her anger was so great she tore apart his precious lab and burned all his remaining robes in the small garden in the back. Still not satisfied she went for his precious books. She managed to burn a few before one of them shouted at her and she stopped. The sensible thing to do would just be to go back to the US but she didn't want to show up at home alone and pregnant just yet.

* * *

><p>Off on his own Severus contemplated how he could have let this happen. He had been too caught up enjoying the pleasure she gave him to make sure she took her pills. He believed her when she said it wasn't intentional but he should have slipped her the contraception potion all along. He though he could stomach the child in order to be with her but he knew being a father would involve more than simply financially supporting them.<p>

He has no business raising a child.

All those years at Hogwarts taught him that. He'd been the de facto parent to those in his house but never had the slightest concern for their welfare other than what was required by his position to keep them alive. His students thought him cold, uncaring, apologetically harsh and not above maiming or even killing them if given the opportunity. He was proud of that image, relishing the terrified looks on their faces hoping he wasn't going to follow through on this threats.

Idiot, gullible children as as if he would have been allowed to do all the heinous acts he threatened. Surely this wasn't the makings of a good father. No, this is better. Jennifer was sure to find someone else. It's painful now but she'll realize their child would be better off far removed from his influence. He couldn't think of any particular place he wanted to go after traveling and settled on an unexpected place.

The residents there asked little of him other than his help in preparing their meals and sharing in the many chores. Despite their acceptance of anyone who wished to remain silent they encouraged him to take counsel with one of their elders. He spoke at length about his life and his reason for leaving Jennifer. After a while he realized he had likely made the second biggest mistake of his life and he had to leave. He rushed home that night but couldn't face her just yet.

* * *

><p>The following evening he return was cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself and went to see Jennifer. Deciding it was easier to avoid detection by visiting her at night he watched her as she slept. There were half empty boxes littering the floor and he assumed she was preparing to move back to the states.<p>

When he saw her in the light of day she looked terrible with dark circles under her eyes. She seemed devoid of any outward emotion and seemed to be in some sort of daze. Her beautiful hair looked as it hadn't been combed in weeks and was in one large sloppy plait. He didn't know much about pregnancy but knew she looked too thin.

Watching her those first couple of days each morning,he saw her fill the many boxes only to empty them again that same night. He stopped watching her and began to get his home back in order. The next time he come to visit her he still using a disillusionment charm but she looked much healthier. Although she looked sad, she no longer looked nearly as depressed as she had been before.

* * *

><p>Eating dinner alone, Jennifer didn't want to be a third wheel once again with Charles and Ingrid. There was a knock at the door and <em>he<em> was there.

''May I come in?'' Severus said trying to make eye contact with her but she seemed to just look through him.

''I can't very well stop you now can I?'' She said with a defeated tone. Gone was the aura of exuberance she seemed to carry around her replaced with a sad resignation to her situation.

''If you don't want me to come in I won't.''

She stepped aside to let him in.

''You better make it quick, Charles is furious. If he sees you here I can't stop him from hurting you.''

''I'm fully prepared for that... it seems as if I'm always apologizing. How are you?''

"How do you think I am? You left me and now you're back, but for how long? Until the baby's born? Until you find our baby has some resemblance to my side of the family and it displeases you? Until our child disobeys you for the first time? Until playing house with me simply stops being amusing to you? How long Severus?''

''I'm so sorry I made a huge mistake in leaving you deserve to be treated better. You're having my child.''

''An obligation? The same reason your father stayed with your mother all those years. Well... I don't need you. Times have changed we can get along just fine. You aren't obligated to stay with me if you don't want to.''

''I _want_ to be here... I never meant to hurt you.''

''How can you say that when you leave me with a note and a stack of money. You always do this, you fuck everything up!''

''Please don't get too upset it's not good for you or the baby."

Surprised at her own anger she punched him in the face. He staggered back completely unprepared by the strength of his previously sweet fiance'. She took another swing at him but this time he moved out-of-the-way. He took out his wand and placed it on the table.

''I'm wandless now, nothing to fear.''

''Uh ...you don't have the nerve to use that anyway. You're not stupid enough to use magic on me.''

''You hit me I.. can't believe you just hit me.''

''Oh now you care!''

''I've always cared...I love you.''

"And you show it by disappearing? Then you come back telling me not to get upset. What the hell is wrong with you!''

Starting to cry, he rushing over to her trying to put his arms around her.

''Don't! You're all the same you men. Just little boys running away from your responsibilities. It was stupid to try to turn you into something you're not. I should have realized you only cared about yourself!''

''I love you and I'm here now''

''Get out, I don't want you here.''

''No''

''No? You don't have the right to say no anymore, get out.''

''I'll leave but first-''

''I finally read that book about you.'' she said interrupting.

''Its all a pack of lies,'' he said without hesitation.

''Maybe you're the liar.''

''My actions were reprehensible, I'm so sorry I really though I was doing what was best for you and the baby. I was terrified by the idea of me being responsible for a child. I didn't want to end up like my father. I didn't think I had anything to give our child except the worst part of myself. I couldn't do that to you. ''

''So rather than discussing all this with me you just decided to leave? You're spineless Severus I don't know what I ever saw in you.''

She looks at him with such malice he felt as if she'd struck him again. He offered up an honest explanation. '' I didn't think I had any choice."

''You always have choices... you just keep making the wrong ones."

''Yes, I know that now."

''And you didn't know that before?"

''They've always seemed right at the time," averting his eyes.

''What seemed right about you leaving me!"

''Jennifer since you aren't my world its hard for you understand how much blood matters... how much hatred there is because if it. Any child with my name would be born with a blight on them already.''

''Don't blame that blood mess for your behavior.''

''I'm not the only one. There are prejudices out there.''

''And I don't know what prejudice is? You know the history of my people, look at my skin color. Do you know how many people hate me because if it?''

Until this moment he honestly had forgotten Muggles have their own prejudices. ''It's not the same thing.''

''IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME THING!''

''I knew it would be too hard for you to understand,'' he said sadly as he turned around.

Incensed, in one fell swoop before he could react she grabs his wand off the table and breaks it in half over her knee and throws it back at him but it explodes into several small pieces.

''This is what I think of your fucking magic!"

Looking at his precious wand at his feet he just looks at her confused that this powerful object was so easily broken without the aid of magic.

Before either of them realized what was happening she was pounding him with her fist. '' WHY DID YOU DO THIS?' I HATE YOU!''

Severus didn't want to disarm her magically so he grabbed her hands to stop her assault.

There were tears in her eyes seconds away being dropped but they just stood there looking at each other. This jolted her back to reality and she immediately regrets her words. She of course didn't hate him. She pulled her hands away and was shaken that she'd been so angry.

''I love you, if you want me to stop practicing magic I will.'' He said unblinking.

Not expecting this reaction. ''No, that's not what I meant I...I would never ask you to do that. Can you fix it?''

''It doesn't matter it's just a posh little piece of wood." In truth he had been relying less on his wand than usual sometimes going for days without giving it a second glance.

''Why did it explode like that? I've touched Charles' wand a couple of times before and nothing like that ever happened.''

''I don't know. I'm not acquainted with wand lore. ''

She brought him a towel and some ice for his eye. In this state he knew he couldn't do a healing charm and it wasn't even worth his bother wandless.

"You have something at home to heal it don't you?''

''I'm been subjected to worse, its fine Jennifer.''

She left a note for Charles and they walked back to his home. After showering she still found him sitting on the sofa staring at the wall holding the pieces of his wand. It was broken beyond repair of course, but more troubling to him was reason behind it. He'd easily blocked numerous deadly spells before but he never anticipated any of her reactions. Dumbledore was right, being deeply in love with someone permanently alters you. He smiled to himself thinking that he and Jennifer were now on equal levels if she literally made him lose his head.

''You can't fix it can you?'' She said looking at the pieces.

''I'll just have to get another.''

She kissed him,'' I'm sorry, are you coming to bed?''

He'd hadn't expected to be welcomed into their bed tonight so he was grateful for the offer.

Safely in bed they remained silent until she had to know a burning question. ''Where did you go?''

''A monastery of sorts.''

''A what?''

''A monastery.''

''I didn't know you guys have those?''

''Strictly speaking no. It wasn't a true one. Just our own version.''

''You were soul-searching in...in''

''Spain''

''And what did you discover there?''

''That I can't run away from my problems.''

''Why Spain?''

''No particular reason I just found myself there.''

''So for the month you were gone that's all you learned?''

''I was gone for almost 2 months.''

''No, you came back a while ago.''

''How did you know?''

''I just did''

''I was almost invisible.''

''You wizards think that you hold the patent on magic.''

''Not exclusively no, but...''

''We have gifts too. Don't you know that a person knows when the love of their life is near.''

''That's not real magic,'' he said.

''Isn't it? Love is magic.''

''It's not the same thing. Love isn't a skill you can master. I see tangible results with magic.''

''You had a tangible reason for leaving and coming back didn't you? You said you left because you loved me to much to possibly hurt me.''

''Yes''

''And didn't you come back because you loved me? Just because it's not a subject taught in your school doesn't mean it's any less any magical. You don't have to be a wizard to know that.''

''Yes, I suppose that's true.'' He knew very well that love was an old form of real magic.

''I knew you were back because I began to sleep so soundly. I knew you were in the café watching me.''

''If you knew I was here why didn't you say something?''

Sitting up her anger building again,''why didn't YOU SAY SOMETHING you are so god damned selfish Severus and always thinking of yourself. Scared of being a bad father, scared of your own feelings, scared about your precious reputation. I'm so sick of you only thinking of yourself and wallowing in self-pity all the time. Don't you think I'm scared? I'm pregnant in a foreign country with my first child by a freaking wizard who was the right hand man to a devil incarnate! How do you think I feel!''

''I never..''

''You never considered how I felt, you have this whole other life before I met you that you never talk about and I can't possibly understand. I can't talk to anyone else about it ... not my the rest of my family, certainly not my friends and then you just left me all alone with a baby on the way. It doesn't have to be this hard. I want you to lean on me. I know in your former life you had to hide your feelings but you don't have to do that anymore.''

''I'm trying''

''That's not good enough, you need to try harder. I'm not _her_ Severus. I won't compete with a memory you've placed in some type of eternal sainthood because I have real flaws. Deep down you don't think you deserve to be happy. At some point you have to let go of your guilt.''

''Jennifer they're dead because of me and I killed... I killed him. I lived and they all died. I started all of this. I should never have told the dark- Voldermort.''

''You didn't start your war. An evil man started that.''

''I helped''

''You made a mistake and your mentor knew that. He forgave you.''

''He didn't fully trust me.''

''It's okay to be angry and resent him for asking you to kill him... and having you risk your life all those years.''

''I'm not angry with him'' he said in a shaky voice.

''Yes you are Severus, but you have every right to be. In fact I don't think you're mad enough. He put this on the shoulders of you and a child. He had a whole group of people he could have let help the two of you, but he didn't. Then he had the nerve let everyone think you were working for that evil man. He left you in the dark all those years.

''Yes, it seems you're mad enough for the both of us.'' It was odd hearing the complete lack of reverence she used for Albus. She had no reason to feel otherwise of course. Albus was just a name to her. She would never understand Albus' role in his life. Strangely, her anger at Albus felt comforting. He'd never had anyone that protective of him before.

''Well I'm sorry Severus, you English like to hide your anger but I can't. Don't you dare try to make me feel sorry that you lived. If he were alive I would have told this to his face. Being angry with him doesn't mean you didn't respect him.''

''I wish you could have met Albus, he would have like you.''

He thought of showing her his portrait once but Dumbledore wisely advised him that her concept of life and death shouldn't be altered by a portrait. She was used to talking books, but a sentient impression of a deceased person was different.

''You can't change the past, but you committed your life to correcting that mistake. You can't spend the rest of your life punishing yourself. Please let me help you. Don't you know it hurts me when you're in pain? You have to let it go and move on with your life... our lives.'' Looking exasperated, ''I thought we were doing that. I thought we were building our future.''

He gently wiped away her tears and she kissed him.

''I promise I'll never leave you again.''

She turned and kissed his bruises.

A thought popped into his head, his needed his wife. They had not exchanged any public vows, but laying next to him was his wife. She was his wife based on the unspoken, private promises they made to one another some time ago. She was carrying their child and he wanted her, needed to be joined with her so badly right now.

Severus gave her a familiar look and she wasn't surprised at his reaction. She responded by attempting to remove her knickers before he finished for her.

''I don't want to hurt you,'' he whispered.

''You won't.'' She always knew what he needed. He felt her familiar comforting warmth he had become so accustomed as he moved against her. His rhythmic prodding was so gentle and soothing. Gone was his usual frenzied pace. He normally made love like he had something to prove, but this time it was very quiet and more relaxed. Their climaxes were subdued but felt more intimate sealing their reconciliation.

''You're crying?'' he said.

''Because I'm happy''

''But you didn't enjoy it?''

''I did, just a little more quietly.''

''I want you to come with me tomorrow to buy a new wand.''

''Okay, but answer this for me. Where did you get the money?''

''What money?

''The cash you left me, where did you get it? You couldn't afford my ring... and that's completely fine but... I know you didn't have enough galleons to exchange for that much money."

''Dueling''

''You mean with swords or something?''

''Wands...we use wands. There are certain wizards that are willing to pay loads of galleons to harm me. It's all underground of course. Crucio a former Death Eater for a few seconds... work out your revenge. It's a nasty business but it pays well.''

''Crucio?''

''Torture''

''Someone paid to torture you?"

''Yes''

''I don't want you to ever do that again Severus, not for any amount of money.'' She didn't want to think about him being harmed right now and tried to change the images in her head.

''I won't''

''Would you have really stopped doing magic?''

''Yes, of course''

''Are you lying right now?''

''Yes''

Laughing at him without the slightest bit of anger.''I knew it.''

''Jennifer I would give it up completely if it meant getting you back but I know you would never ask me to do it.''

''Goodnight sweetheart, we have a wand to buy tomorrow.''


	21. Chapter 21

**Diagon Alley**

* * *

><p>Waking up the next day and looking at the clock it was well past noon. Severus heard her in the front room on her weekly telephone call and decided to stay in bed until she finished.<p>

''Look who decided to wake up,'' she snuggled back into bed with him.

''You let me sleep half of the day.''

''You looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you.''

''I haven't sleep that well unaided since I was a student. I feel 10 stone lighter.''

''Unburdening yourself will do that.''

Looking with dismay around the room, ''Charles was here, I see you've moved all your things back. I would have done that for you.''

''You should be glad I got him to reverse, everything of yours he cursed, and you're kind of at a disadvantage now.''

Looking slyly at her, ''said the person who broke my wand. I'm still a man Jennifer I'm perfectly capable of moving a few pieces of luggage, and I believe I reversed everything he touched when I first came back but I may have missed a few, he was rather ingenious in that regard.''

Teasingly she said ''well to hear you tell it you couldn't live without your wand.''

''I don't need it for everything.'' To demonstrate he waved his hand and all her things which were scattered over the room, either disappeared into the wardrobe or were neatly arranged on the dressing table.

''I stand corrected. I'm sorry I doubted you.''

Fingering the bruise on his eye,''you didn't take anything for this?''

''It's a battle injury, an acceptable risk. It's good to know the strength of you opponent. One day we'll tell our child how you brought down a wizard with a single fist.''

''That's not something I want our child to know Severus. I'm sorry I did that, please heal it.''

Kissing her lightly on the lips he then kissed her stomach. ''Its too late to be heading into London we'll head out tomorrow.''

* * *

><p>Tomorrow stretched into a month an Severus was surprised how long he was able to go without his wand.<p>

Sooner or later he would need it though as he woke up early on morning determined to head out.

She chose to wear what she believed to be a close approximation of what a witch would wear.

"What are you wearing?"

''Something that won't stand out."

For once he held his tongue and refrained from telling her how horrible she looked. ''Wear whatever you want. You aren't the first Muggle in Diagon Alley.''

While he watched her change into a more casual dress. He thought he should tell her something first. ''I need to tell you a few things before we go.''

''Like what?'

''If I'm able to secure a wand we will be Disapperating back.''

''Can't we just take the train back.''

''Certainly we _could..._ but we won't.''

''Okay, anything else?''

''You may want to sit down for this.'' He knew she was aware of certain magical creatures because of her brother but she had no idea there are intelligent beings as well.

Dreading what he was going to say next she sat down on the bed.

''There are other types of people you will see today and I'm using people loosely.''

''Uh...okay what do you mean?''

''They're not human? They're aliens?''

''No, sweetheart I'm trying to explain something important here. Now as I was saying there other magical beings you're not aware of and I don't want you to be frightened.''

''Beings? What are they? What do they look like?''

''Different sorts''

She looked at him on the odd chance that he suddenly developed a sense of humor and was joking but his inscrutable face left her trying to absorb what he just said.'' I don't understand, do you mean they're pets or like the lock ness monsters?''

''No, these aren't animals, they're as intelligent as humans...well some humans.''

''Are they dangerous?''

''No more than the average human. They aren't going to harm you.'' He said that hoping the only thing she would see would be an ill tempered Goblin.

''This should be interesting.''

''That's what happens when you fall in love with a wizard my dear.''

* * *

><p>Their first stop was Gringotts bank to exchange some pounds. She did a double take when they entered and tightly held his hand. He turned to see her reaction. He didn't want to frighten her but since they were going to be married she needed the exposure.<p>

''What are they?''

''Goblins''

''Goblins are real? Do they bite?'' She said as they approached the counter.

''No I don't, but I just might if you don't stop staring at me. What's your business here?'' One of them said nastily.

She jumped not expecting it to talk. Especially not in something she could understand.

Turning to Severus, ''it can speak?''

''Of course I can speak, and I can hear as well you daft Muggle.''

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare.'' She drew closer to Severus who took out a wad of pounds.

''I need to exchange these for galleons.''

The goblin rippled the money from his hand.

Walking out of the bank she looked back again. ''If your authorities try to so hard to keep your world hidden, then why is it we already seem to know so much of it. There was a horror movie on a few nights ago about goblins.''

''Why don't you tell me. I think you already know the answer.''

''Because it's impossible to erase centuries of folklore and accidental sightings.''

''And?''

''It wasn't always a hidden world and the best way to hide something is in plain sight. Turn it into a myth and it's ignored by all but the most fervent believers.''

''Very good''

''Always the teacher Severus.''

Walking down Diagon Alley they received a few glares which Jennifer erroneously assumed were directed at her. An elderly looking women was in their path so fast Jennifer hardly had time to look up before she heard, ''Deatheater scum.'' The old woman pointed her wand at Severus before he pushed Jennifer to the side and said '_'Protego Muggletum!'' _

The old woman looked at Jennifer who had now grabbed Severus' hand and had instinctively used her other hand to cover her stomach, despite his protective spell. Severus only intended to defend himself rather fully attack this old women, but he wasn't about to put Jennifer in harms way. The old witch was wearing some sort of mourning robes, and Jennifer said, ''I'm very sorry for your loss ma'am.''

Severus kept his want pointed at the old woman. ''Jennifer don't interfere,'' he whispered.

''Step away from the Deatheather muggle, this is no business of yours.'' The old woman looked to be disoriented. Jennifer moved even closer to Severus and spoke to the woman again. ''No, he won't hurt me.''

A flicker of recognition appeared across the old witch's face as she looked at Jennifer's tight grip on Severus' hand confirming their relationship. '' The old woman lowered her wand and disapparate.

''Jennifer that was very foolish. She could have hurt you.''

''You wouldn't have let that happen... She's grieving Severus.''

''Grieving or not she aimed to hurt us.''

Jennifer wasn't worried about being hurt but she was worried about Severus doing something to the old woman and going to prison. She spotted Sugarplum's Sweets Shop and her pregnancy craving kicked in. ''I want some chocolate.''

Willing to indulge her craving but dreading a shop full of children they walked in and he was immediately accosted by the parent of one of his former student going on about how he never doubted his loyalty. Jennifer meanwhile, was looking at the cauldron cakes when two giggling girls who appeared to be about 14 started talking to her.

''Me dads a Muggle but he hates coming here,'' one of them said waving to an apprehensive looking man standing next to a witch.

Walking back from across the room, Severus makes his way over to Jennifer. The two girls stopped mid sentence when he came over and stood so close to Jennifer it was obvious they were together.

''Professor Snape?'' they said in unison looking from Jennifer from back to him.

''Miss Nitus, Miss Gugal have you nothing better to do than stand around eating sweets all day?''

''Yes sir''

Turning to Jennifer ''are they bothering you?''

''They're fine'' looking at him she gave him a look clearly indicating she didn't approve of his comments and wanted him to say something else.

''Are you making good use of your break? This is an excellent time to start preparing for next term. Miss Gugal you in particular should start working on-''

Jennifer touched him on the arm to stop him.

''Yes Professor.. ur we have to go now."

Looking at the pudgy girls across the room.''Your previous students I assume.''

''Yes, and neither of them needs to be eating sweets.''

''You could have been a little nicer. They're just children, they were completely afraid of you. Is that how you speak to all your students?''

''They need a firm hand.''

''That's not a firm hand, you scared them.''

''I've never physically injured any students...well seriously injured.''

''Children take you at your word. They think your threats are real Severus.''

Finishing, up they strolled further up the street until she saw an immaculately dressed man walking quickly towards them. Lucius was disgusted to see another Muggle walking boldly among them. He had seen a fat child and her filthy father walking into a sweet shop earlier.

Severus tried to pull her in another direction but Lucius blocked their way.

In a mocking, icy voice, ''well, if it isn't our favorite spy out for a stroll. We though you had fallen off the face of the earth but I see you've been keeping yourself busy in the Muggle world.'' He glared at Jennifer in particular her stomach with his cold gray eyes.

''And whom do we have here?''

Jennifer was about to say something when Severus stopped her.

''Don't speak to her. We have nothing to discuss Lucius, move along."

''Now is that any way to greet an old friend? Aren't you going to introduce me? I don't recall hearing a marriage announcement. Then again I haven't checked the _Muggle_ paper. You've been holding out on us Severus.''

''I said move along Lucius.''

Lucius moved closer to get a better look at Jennifer's hand. ''Not even a ring? The war did take so much from all of us but it was most unfortunate for those of your ilk. I see you've scraped together a few galleons for a outing... how nice. You can never escape the stench of your pitiful beginnings Severus. It clings to you like the foul odor of a Picorian Sow.''

Severus went for his wand but Jennifer turned to him. ''No'' he did as she asked and remained calm.

''Taking orders from _her_?'' Lucius laughed. ''I'll be sure to send you a baby gift. Now would you prefer a toy broom or a Muggle car?''

''We don't need anything from _you_ Lucius.''

''After you spend all those years lusting after that filthy Mudblood, you've decided to get real thing.'' Lucius said with an even more perverse laugh.

Ignoring him Severus guided Jennifer across the street.

From behind them they heard laughing, ''another excellent choice Severus, you never disappoint me.''

''Who was that?''

''Someone you don't want to know, a former acquaintance of mine."

Walking arm and arm into Ollivander's ,''I see you've made some changes.''

''Yes, with so many left wandless after the war they're very high in demand so I've added a few new things. And who do we have here?''

''My fiance Jennifer''

Ollivander takes her hand, ''very nice to meet you my dear. I never thought the professor would ever get married you need to watch this one.''

''I aim to keep him under my thumb.'' squeezing his hand.

''Oh and American too.''

After trying out several wands similar to the one he had before without success, Ollivander had a hunch and looked back at Jennifer for confirmation and she smiled back sweetly. "My dear you may want to step back a bit.'' Whispering to Severus, ''a Muggle I presume?''

"Yes, what of it?"

Ollivander said more to himself, "I wonder...I think we've gone about this all wrong." He then went to another section entirely. "Try this one, Thestral and Unicorn intertwined with Phoenix hair, made of elm. "

''Unicorn hair? No I think, you're mistaken.''

''Try it anyway.''

He handed it to him and immediately Severus knew he'd found to correct one."

''Very interesting professor it seems your new wand is in stark contrast to your previous one. It's as if you are an entirely different person now."

Jennifer was too far away to hear any of this. "Very rarely does the core of the wand change so much."

Severus looked back at Jennifer as she sat taking it all in, "yes most peculiar."

"If you don't mind me asking what happened to your previous wand. I know it wasn't the ministry's doing and I was told you retained it after your accident.''

Nodding his head in her direction "she broke it in a fit of anger."

"I see'' he chuckled "very fitting indeed. It's very rare for a Muggle to be able to destroy a wand. Of course a woman's fury is a special kind of magic all its own you see, very ancient. I suspect you were no longer using your wand as you once did. Wands can sometimes behave quite strangely when a person has moved beyond what they once were so dramatically. Its rare but not unheard of.''

Wanting to confirm a suspicion he now had, Severus thought of that first night in Paris _Expecto_ _Protronus!_ and found a bald eagle a instead doe.

''The American symbol, they mate for life you know. Very powerful magic love is.''

He went to Jennifer as she watched the glowing eagle glide across the room but instead of watching the eagle he watched her amazed reaction.

''What is it?''

''It's my patrons'' he thought for a second how to explain,'' it's a reflection of your soul.''

''Is that a bald eagle?''

''Yes''

''It's glorious, Severus''

It's significance wasn't lost on her. Producing a distinctly American symbol was hard to ignore.

He felt so moved to kiss her he forgot where he was and kissed her so deeply even Ollivander blushed and looked away.

''What was that for?''

''For loving me even when I couldn't love myself.''

From off in the corner they heard, '' I didn't hear a thing''

Remembering they weren't alone they composed themselves, bought the wand and left.

After leaving Ollivander's they stopped at a tailor so he could buy a few new robes.

Walking down the crowed street, Lucius spotted Jennifer in the window of a shop. Saying to himself, ''Muggle whore, perhaps I should introduce myself properly and find out how that hook nosed git managed to win over and impregnate such a beauty.''

Severus and the tailor were in the back. When Lucius walked in you could hear a the tailor shout," I'll be with you in a moment."

''No need to make haste,'' Lucius replied. Jennifer spotted him out of the corner of her eye as he slowly begin to walk in circles around her as if she were on display.

"You don't belong here Muggle,'' Lucius said as he leered at her.

Unlike the sad old woman, Jennifer knew this wizard was angry wanted to do more than scare her. She tried to ignore him but her silence aggravated him and he came up to her standing just a few inches from her face. In a whispered, threatening tone, ''you know it wasn't too long ago that you and I could have had a marvelous time together. I simply love it when you Muggle women scream in agony. ''

Her look of terror bought a sick grin to his face.

''I miss looking down at your terrified, crying faces while I'm inside you.'' He was breathing on her neck she was paralyzed with fear. ''Now you would have thought they'd feel honored I'd chosen them to bed for the night but they all tried to fight me. I don't know why you wanted Severus to father that bastard Muggle of yours, he's almost a pauper .''

Severus walked in that point "GET AWAY FROM HER _Stupefy!'' _With Lucius laying unconscious, ''are you okay? What did he say to you?''

In a shaky voice she sounding like a scared child ''nothing, I'm fine he didn't say anything."

''Jennifer tell me what he said, its okay.''

''Can we just go home?''

* * *

><p>She was laying on the sofa holding her stomach. He was unsure if it was Lucius or her first Side-Along-Apparition that left her with nausea. He had a feeling it was the former and brought her some tea to settle her stomach.<p>

''Drink this you'll feel better. The first time you apparate... can be difficult.'' She still refused to talk about her run in with Lucius so he thought this was a safer topic.

''It's not the first time remember.''

He'd forgotten about his earlier nightmares where he would be half awake, still gripped with fear he would grab her and disapparate them both to another location. Most of the time she remained blissfully unaware of ever leaving the bed but a couple of times she awoke in the middle of a forest with Severus angry at himself and ashamed of his sleepy reaction.

Jennifer was still shaken and sat on the sofa staring out the window.

''You know you can tell me anything,'' he said.

''I said I don't want to talk about."

He could only imagine the vile things Lucius had said to her.

Dreaming later that evening, she found herself walking down Diagon Alley looking for Severus and not a soul in sight. Someone grabbed her from behind dragging her behind one of the shops his face hidden in the darkness. He began hitting her and kicking her stomach while he ripped off her clothes. She screamed for Severus trying to push the man off of her when he punched her again saying ''you Muggle whore.'' After what seemed like an eternity he finished and showed her his face. It was Lucius then he somehow turned into someone from her past and it started all over again. Lucius was watching the whole time off by the side "very good old friend.'' he kept saying. After they had both taken another turn raping her they pointed their wands at her and she woke up screaming. Severus tried to calm her down but she only screamed more and tried to fight him.

''Jennifer it's alright ,'' he kept saying as she fought him. Finally she realized it was a dream.

"What happened?''

''That man from yesterday.''

''Lucius''

'' He ...just scared me.''

''I wouldn't let him hurt you. I'd kill him first.''

''There are other ways of hurting someone besides killing them.''

He knew it was more than that but didn't want to press her. She went stiff when he put his arms around her and turned her back to him. '' Lucius, he was your friend?''

''No, I've never had friends you know that.''

''But he was more than an acquaintance.''

Sighing and ashamed that he was once close to filth like Lucius, he answered her plainly. ''He was a Death Eater like I was and we were within the Dark Lord's inner circle. Unfortunately going down similar paths in our early years.''

''You did the things he did. You took whatever you wanted?''

''I'm not sure what you're asking? Sometimes we were ordered to do things yes.''

''He hurt people...women did you do that too?'' Jennifer couldn't imagine Severus doing anything that horrible but in war people do terrible things.

Understanding the sort of things Lucius must have said to her and what she was unable to ask him now.

''No, I've never hurt anyone like that, and we weren't ordered to that either. The dark lord wasn't interested in such things.''

Few knew that Lucius was in the habit of taking Muggle lovers even before he was a Death Eater. Severus had read his thoughts once, surprised at the things he got up to. Lucius treated those women like things for his own amusement, not people.

"You once asked me if you were the first wizard I'd ever known very well besides my brother and I lied."

Wanting to hear what she had to say he remained silent. ''When I was 14 my brother brought a friend from school to stay with us for the summer. I though he was so gorgeous and mature. He was 18 and I had a huge crush on him. One day when everyone else was out he started flirting with me and I...I flirted back. But I was so naïve I only wanted him to kiss me I swear...but he did something to hold me down and ... he made me do things. I didn't tell anyone because he said he was going to kill me. He killed our dog to prove his point. I've never told anyone I was so ashamed."

''It's okay,'' holding her tighter "You did nothing wrong. You were a child it wasn't your fault.''

Still crying, he held her till she fell back asleep. Although he knew it was irrational he wished he could have somehow protected her anyway.

* * *

><p>Leaving Jennifer asleep the next morning, bursting into Malfoy Manor Severus spots Draco talking with his father.<p>

"Leave Draco, NOW!''

''You're not my professor anymore you don't order me about.''

''Go Draco'' Lucius said

Stalking off he did as he was told.

''Now, what do I owe this pleasure Severus?''

Blasting him into the next room, he walks over to him pointing his wand at Lucius' face. ''IF YOU EVER COME NEAR HER AGAIN I WILL KILL YOU AND BEFORE I DO YOU'LL BE IN SO MUCH PAIN YOU WILL BE PLEADING TO GO BACK TO AZKABAN!''

''I have no intention of bothering your Muggle whore again. I've never cared for tainted seconds but do tell me Severus, I'm rather curious did you have to use the imperious on her, to get in-between those legs? No, you were always too noble for that. Are you sure the Muggle bastard's yours?''

Severus thought for a half a second and decided the nonverbal form of_ Sectumsempra!_ would suffice. Gashes began to appear on Lucuis wand arm.

Severus pointed his wand at Lucius once more. ''Be careful Severus you wouldn't want to do anything reckless... something that would take you away from that Muggle of yours, '' Lucius said ignoring the painful wounds as he figured Severus was close to using the killing curse on him.

Too afraid of his own anger to respond Severus quickly walked out passing Narcissa as he left.

''Severus?'' she said before she saw the gashes on her husband's arm. She went to over to Lucius relieved that his wounds weren't deeper. She used her wand and tried to ease his pain. "What was that all about? Did you do something else to him?''

''No, I merely spotted him and his pregnant, Muggle lady friend in Diagon Alley I was concerned he had cursed the poor thing.''

She knew he would have insulted them prompting this unexpected visit from Severus.

''Dear, I suggest you leave Severus alone. He doesn't have much so he'll be especially protective of his little family.''

''I'd hardly call that dirty combination a family,'' Lucius said, trying to stop his bleeding arm.

''He'll be protective all the same.''


	22. Chapter 22

**Everyone Loves Severus **

* * *

><p>News of the engagement and her pregnancy had spread since they were spotted in Diagon Alley. Ollivander told anyone he saw that Severus Snape was engaged, but only Lucius revealed that she was a Muggle and already pregnant. He'd given an interview to Rita Seeker hoping to discredit Severus with this scandalous news. Instead of further disparaging his name it had the opposite effect. The fact that he was marrying and having a child with a Muggle changed the opinions of many who believed he'd been loyal to Voldemort the entire time. They wisely thought a Death Eater would never proudly parade a clearly pregnant Muggle fiance' through Diagon Alley. They received congratulations owls and even a gift or two. He would never change the minds of some, but at least he hadn't gotten any angry owls behind the announcement either.<p>

* * *

><p>''I had hoped to meet your fiancé. Is she here?"<p>

''No, not at the moment.

''As if hearing her name Jennifer walked through the door and McGonagall sees a very pregnant Jennifer waddling into the room. McGonagall was sitting in a high-backed chair so Jennifer didn't immediately see her.

''Mrs Oliver talked my ear off. I though she would never shut up. "

''We have company," Severus said.

Coming further into the room, "oh hello."

"Jennifer this is Professor McGonagall."

''Very nice to finally meet you Jennifer. Severus you shouldn't have her out running errands in her condition.''

''I assure you Minerva, I have absolutely no control over this woman" he said helping Jennifer to the sofa.

"Thank you again for the shawl it's lovely.''

''Your welcome, when is the child due?"

''I'm almost eight months.''

''You'll be married in the states then?"

"Yes, we'll be leaving in a few weeks and staying for a couple of months. I couldn't imagine having my baby without my mother there but I didn't want to fly so far along,'' rubbing her stomach.

''Fly?''

Understanding Minerva's confusion, "on the airplane," Severus said.

''Oh yes of course. I suppose it was a shock for you to find out about Severus being a wizard."

''Actually _that_ wasn't much of a shock but Severus isn't like _any_ other type of man, so I still wasn't prepared for him.''

''Yes, that's to be expected,'' McGonagall said. Turning back to Severus ''you are going to consider the offer?''

''Jennifer could you leave us? Minerva and I have something to discuss.''

Minerva knew she should have waited until Jennifer left but she hoped she could aid in persuade Severus. She was unaccustomed to seeing him in such an informal manner and thought this approach might work. If she hadn't seen it with her own eyes she would have a hard time believing he was marrying anyone let alone a headstrong Muggle.

''As I was saying, the Northern Atlantic Institute of Advanced Witchcraft has an opening for a visiting professor but I have it on good authority the position would likely be permanent. Severus this would be a perfect position for you. They especially inquired about you meeting with them. As I understand it, they are only looking at a few select candidates. Why haven't you responded to them yet? Your celebrity status will fade eventually and you should take full advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. Americans are enamored with celebrities.''

''Hogwarts is one of the most respected schools in the world.''

''Absolutely, but the American school will offer certain advantages that Hogwarts will never offer you.''

Minerva was thinking of the peace of mind that came with leaving this part of his life behind him.

''There have been other schools inquiring about you but I believe this one would better suit your new situation. This was the only one I personally sent a response to. It's smaller then you're used to but they are very modern and some of the others are quite...traditional in their beliefs.'' She glanced at Jennifer and back to Severus.

He caught her meaning at once. The others were not very Muggle friendly and his marriage would not be held in high regard at those schools.

''You would be teaching adults which would offer you more free time with your family."

Minerva still felt remorse at how he left Hogwarts. He deserved more than going back to his old teaching position. Although the Ministry had publicly absolved him, what most people thought privately was a different matter. He'd proved himself to be invaluable during the war but he was never a nice person to be around and went out of his way to reinforce that belief. He lacked the charm, wealth and respectability of the Malfoys and other old wizarding families, so at the end of the war his social standing hadn't altered much. He garnered respect from afar and letters praising his contributions but no one would be inviting him to supper.

The board of governors and most parents didn't want him in their school. Minerva had fought hard to make sure he had the right to come back to Hogwarts but even she thought too much had happened during the war. It wasn't the right place for him anymore. She'd been polite and extended an open invitation to come back but Severus was clever enough to know he could never truly be welcomed back with open arms.

This was all news to Jennifer as she looked at him. "Yes, why haven't you responded?"

''I wanted to discuss it with you first."

''You haven't mentioned anything to me."

''We'll discuss it later.''

''Fine'' she said narrowing her eyes at him.

McGonagall got up to leave as she saw a fight brewing. ''Please consider it Severus, if your future plans take you elsewhere. " She looked at Jennifer one last time as she left. She was certain that Severus Snape would be eventually moving to the states because he had no idea how persuasive a determined pregnant woman could be.

''I'm not moving to the states." he said without looking her in the eyes.

''You don't have anything keeping you here. ''

''Our home is here.''

''No, _your_ home is here but you also have so many bad memories here. Even if we stay we can't start our family in this house, we'd have to move.''

''Move? This never bothered you before.''

''I didn't know you were being courted by an American school before.''

''From what I hear of the wizarding world there, I know I won't like it."

''Why did you come back here anyway?''

''I thought we got this all sorted out when I came back. I returned because I shouldn't have left in the first place... I need to be with you.''

''No, I mean after you got out of the hospital why did you come here? You could have gone anywhere in the world. Why return to the one place you always hated?''

''It seemed sensible.''

''Well you're being childish, you should at least try for that position. I want our child to grow up near family.''

''That _wonderful_ brother of yours is here.''

She rolled her eyes at him at that point. ''Will you please send them a reply and meet with them, for me at least ? You do have to get another job at some point."

''My position is being held at Hogwarts.''

''You don't have to teach you can do something else.''

''I am a teacher that's a proper job.''

''If you'd wanted to go back there you would have by now. You can't really go back Severus, I think you know that already. Besides, you don't even know if you'll get the job.''

''If I meet with them they would retain me. There are none more qualified.''

''Please?''

''No'' he said in a flat tone as if it were no longer up for discussion.

''Do you want me to beg you?''

''It might sway me,'' she said with smirk.

They hadn't had sex in a while since she was so far along and his irrational fear of hurting her or the baby for once overrode his own desires. Jennifer and her doctor had explained that it was safe but his refusal left the couple frustrated, resorting to less fulfilling pleasure-seeking. She went to him and fumbled beneath his robes pulling down his shorts for what he assumed would be her soft hands. At her touch he was instantly hard and closed his eyes smiling with anticipation. Instead she squeezed both of his bullocks as he screamed in pain.

''After all the bullshit you've put me through, if you don't send a fucking response right now, I'll cut off your cock some night when you're sleeping and stick it in a jar in your lab.'' He winced in pain as she squeezed harder.

''Do you understand me?''

All he could get out was a whimper, so she released he. She ran her other hand lightly along his jaw line before kissing him. ''Only in your dreams will I beg you sweetheart. I'm almost eight months pregnant with your child.''

With her hormones keeping her out of sorts he thought she was mental enough to follow-through.

He thought about the American school when he received the first post but he decided he didn't want to leave England. If he'd told Jennifer she would've had both of them on the first airplane out.

* * *

><p>He was offered a permanent teaching position and they prepared for their final days before moving abroad. One day he found her crying in the spare room. ''What's the matter, why are you crying?''<p>

Unable to adequately put into word she just shook her head. ''I don't know, just the pregnancy hormones I guess.''

She was afraid to tell him her biggest fear.

''Are you sure?''

Her hesitation told him it was more than that. ''What's wrong?

''I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I'm going to be a mother soon. This is my life now it's so just... so final.''

''You don't like your life?''

''No, it's not that. I just never envisioned it turning out this way. After we're married and the baby is born my life is never going to be the same. Are we ready for this?''

''Life with me is some kind of prison sentence?"

''No, it's hard to explain Severus. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and raise our baby but...''

''You're afraid of taking the next step.''

''It scares me how much I love you Severus and how much I'm willing to put up with. I almost don't recognize myself anymore. We used to fight all the time and not just verbal sparring but we've physically hurt one another before. Doesn't that bother you?''

''Not in the slightest''

She lowered her voice as if there were others in the room, ''Severus we bring out the worst in one another sometimes. I hit you when you came back to me that night, and you've... well you've... after we got back from Paris, it's not healthy.''

''We're passionate people and together... we're extraordinarily so.'' He waved his hand unfazed by her concerns.

''That's dysfunctional... _we _are dysfunctional. We shouldn't be that way.''

''We lost our tempers once or twice in the beginning but no real harm was done. We're fine, we're perfectly suited for one another and you're just scared. Besides, no one else would have us. Sweetheart I hate to tell you this, but you aren't the sweet woman you seem to be at first glance. Your venom can be very potent. ''

She couldn't help but laugh at him, as he pretended to bite her neck but kissed it instead. ''Severus so much has changed and I haven't been home in over two years. I'm living in this country on magically forged papers. I should have been deported a long time ago.''

''Sweetheart you are in my world now so none of those silly boarders pertain to you anymore. We can come and go as we please. But I don't think that's what's really worrying you is it?''

''No...I used to be just Jennifer Nelson an American visiting abroad with a brother who happened to be a wizard. Now I'm about to be Mrs. Severus Snape former Death Eater and soon to be a mother to a magical child going to banks with talking creatures. Am I ready for this?''

''That's understandable to feel that way. You're more aware of magic then you were before. I'm afraid that's my fault.''

''No, its not.''

''Yes it is. I found myself in your company and I thought the only way I could keep your affection was to tell you all those forbidden things. I though you might lose interest and turn your attentions elsewhere but the more I told you the better I felt. It was selfish to unburden myself at your expense.''

''I didn't mind''

''I should have used more caution. initially I overestimated your understanding of my world but to your parents and your brothers credit you only knew the basics. I took it for granted that it wouldn't harm you if I supplemented your knowledge. I should have known better. I couldn't open up to you without sharing with you my world... unfortunately my world was so much darker than most wizards it would have been much easier if my life was as carefree as Charles'.''

''What if the baby is ashamed of me because I'm not like you."

''It won't matter,'' he said without hesitation. ''Listen to me'' drawing her close to him, ''it's irrelevant, it won't matter. Where are all these doubts coming from? We've been practically living as a married couple this whole time. The wedding is a formality.''

''It mattered to you. It mattered that your father wasn't like you."

Shaking his head,''I didn't hate my father because he was a Muggle. I hated him because of the kind of man he was. I would have hated him even if he'd been a wizard. Over time they just merged into one thing and I realize that now... but they're two separate issues. Jennifer I love you and I love our child.''

He said the words and he really did love their child as much as he loved her. He already knew what he wanted to teach them. He'd accepted that the only other family their child would have would be her large Muggle family but for once he didn't care. He was determined to make this child feel loved.

''But the baby won't have any part of me. They'll be all you, all magic and their Muggle mom will be an afterthought. I get them for what 10,11, 12 years. Then its magic all the time. No learning to play a musical instrument, no sports, nothing of me.''

''I think that's a bit of an overstatement.''

''No, I don't have anything I can to teach them that'll come close to what your world has to offer. They're not going to learn anything about my side. They'll think we're boring and lose interest. You can fly-''

He was quick to diminish this ability. ''Most wizards can't fly and I seldom do it.''

''Who cares if _most _can't. _You_ can fly and do all kinds of amazing things. How do I compete with that?''

''The last time we went to see your doctor, she showed us a picture of our baby.''

''So?''

''Until I saw it, I never would have believed that was possible.''

''It's just an ultrasound, everyone gets one, what's your point?''

''My point is, you are amazed that I can fly while I'm amazed that we saw our child sucking their thumb while still in the womb. You have introduced me to things I never would have known otherwise.''

''Well that's still not flying,'' she frowned.

''No it's not.'' He tried not to laugh at her anxiety as he could tell this was bothering her. ''Our child will learn everything that's important to you.''

She wasn't convinced and continued, ''and when they grow up they'll forget about us and never come to visit because they'll be too busy seeing the world and it'll be sometimes years before we see them.''

''In the short time I've known him your brother has been to the states three times and those are just the three I recall you mentioning. So I assume it's been more than that. You haven't seen your family in over two years.''

''Well of course _he_ comes home all the time. He can pop in when he wants but I have to pay to fly home.''

He doubted she heard the irony in her statement and didn't believe it wise to point it out. ''He offered to pay but you refused.''

''I'm not taking his money he's already done more than he needs to for me.''

''You have them already grown up and ignoring you before they're even born. The only things we should be concerned about in the near future are feeding them, sleeping and napppies. Now as far as them not knowing Muggle ways, well you're their mother and you will teach them anything you like.''

She weakly shook her head at him. He hated to think that his view of his father had tainted her outlook. ''Do you think Charles loves you and your parents any less because you're slighty different from him?''

''No.. but he didn't know he was one of you till he was 12. Our child will grow up knowing their a wizard all along . It makes a difference.''

''I'm afraid there isn't anything I can say that will assuage you right now but I promise you our child will never be ashamed of you for being a Muggle. Now when their teenagers and embarrassed to be seen with either of us... I can't make promises on that.'' He took her hand in his and kissed it.

That made her feel a little better. ''I think I finally understand why you ran off. Sometimes I feel like leaving and going back to my old life and I wish I didn't know the things I know but I can't imagine my life without you.'' She thought he would be upset at hearing this but he wasn't.

''You know I think you wisely pointed out to me before that you can't hold on to the past. You're right you aren't the same person you were two years ago, neither am I. I'd be a little worried if you we're scared. You've been immersed in a completely foreign world for the past two years.''

''You're not afraid that I'm telling you all this?''

''No... but I have to admit I have my own anxieties.''

''Like what?''

''Your family''

''They've spoken to you, they like you already and since when do you care what other people think?''

''I care what you think. I know how much your family means to you.''

''Soon they'll be your family too and their almost as excited about the baby as I am.''

''Charles isn't.''

''Yes he is, he'll love his niece or nephew...but uh yeah I don't think he'll ever like you.'' Severus nodded with dismay in agreement.

''I used to think maybe you'd done something to me that made me keep coming back to you.''

''Done something?''

''You know some kind of spell.''

This did make him laugh. ''It's not funny Severus.''

''That would be an especially long and troublesome curse Jennifer. Certainly not worth the ire it would bring me if you found out. Now if I had so chosen, I would have used one to make you less cross with me. Yes, that's what I should have used all along.''

She smiled back at him, kissing him one more time.

* * *

><p>After all the arrangements were made he decided to pay Hogwarts a final visit and decided to bring Jennifer along in spite of her protest about Side-Along Apparition.<p>

They Apparated outside the castle standing on a hill. Severus stared at the rebuilt Hogwarts and the small damaged portion. The outside looked different with only a few familiar peeks remaining but it didn't matter. He was viewing Hogwarts as he remembered it, from his memories.

''I don't see anything just some broken boulders,'' Jennifer said trying to figure out what she was supposed to be seeing.

''It's not visible to Muggles.''

''Oh...well I'm sure its lovely then.''

He detected a faint sarcastic tone. ''I wanted you here for a reason.''

''Okay''

''Jennifer for once please be quiet and enjoy what I'm trying to share with you.'' He thought she would appreciate him bringing her here even if she couldn't see it.

''Fine, I need a chair''

He stood there for almost a half hour. This had been his real home for so many years.

''If you concentrate you might be able to see the castle. The enchantment won't work as well for you since you already know it's there.''

She sat trying to make out any sign of a castle but each time she thought she made out something she kept thinking she left the water in the tub running. Finally she gave up and tried to spot some animals instead.

A student spotted them and thinking they were both Muggles who could see the school told a professor. Minerva and Hagrid came out to see them and Severus hardly noticed their arrival. Jennifer looked at Hagrid trying to make out just what he was. He introduced himself and before she could respond he embraced her in a warm hug.

''Severus do you wish to come in? Minerva asked.

She could tell he wanted to enter but was reluctant.

''I can't leave Jennifer,'' he said as he continued to stare at the school.

''No one will harm her Severus, she's safe here.''

''Can you make it visible for her?''

Minerva looked at Jennifer but she seemed uninterested, ''Certainly, if that is what she wishes. Come with us I need a small...''

''I don't need to see it. You don't have to go through any trouble on my account.'' Jennifer was clearly tired and wanted this day trip to be over. ''Severus, you just go do whatever you need to do and I'll be fine.''

''Professor I'll stay with her,'' Hagrid said.

Severus turned to Jennifer, ''I'll only be a few minutes.''

He and Minerva headed down to the castle. The great hall was still there, looking as if the battle hadn't touched it at all. The hallways were devoid of students because most were in classes at this hour. A perfect walked by staring daggers at him as he past. Severus remembered him as a favorite half-blood the Carrows loved to punish for simply refusing to be ashamed of being a half blood.

''That will do Mr. Harold,'' Minerva said.

They walked through the corridors as he ran his hand along the walls. The layout had changed but the walls themselves felt comforting. Minerva ended her tour at the Dungeons.

''As you can see there was only minimal damage down here.'' She left him at the door to collect his things.

He stepped inside, the wards he placed were still intact and everything was just as he'd left it. He looked around one last time and took the few personal items he cared to take with him and informed Minerva the room was ready for a new resident.

When he came back he found Hagrid graphically describing some foul sounding creature he wanted to keep as a pet. Jennifer looked ill listening to him describe the details.

He watched Hagrid leave and helped her up. ''It's getting late.''

''This doesn't have to be your final goodbye. You can always visit''

''I think it's best if I stay away.

* * *

><p>Jennifer had said her said her farewells to her friends as Severus merely packed his things since he thought no one cared if he left.<p>

Harry Potter heard that Snape was getting married and leaving for good, so at Hermione's urging he sent an owl of congratulations. Severus replied inviting him for a visit before he left. When Severus answered the door Harry still eyed him suspiciously since he was still shocked by the invitation but showed up anyway.

''Jennifer this is Harry Potter, Lily's son.'' For some reason Jennifer expected him to look different. This skinny boy looked to be no more than or 18 or 19, but there was a look of someone who'd seen too much before their time. Severus sometimes had the look of an old man in his eyes. Her maternal instincts were kicking in and she wanted to hug him, but just gave him a warm smile.

Surprised to hear his mother's name coming from his mouth Harry jumped as if startled.

''Please to meet you Harry.''

''You too ma'am.''

Harry watched as Jennifer reassuringly squeezed Severus' hand and she gave him a light kiss on the lips before he hesitantly let go of her hand. Harry blushed at this tender exchange, taking note of her large stomach as proof of Snape's love for her. She left them alone for their final goodbye and Harry grinned at Snape when their eyes briefly met. Harry wouldn't exactly call it warmth but the coldness of Snape's eyes has been replaced by a clear respect for Harry he'd never shown before.

''How have you been Harry?'' Severus looked at the boy, a man now and thought how furious he would be if someone treated his child the way he'd treated his students. There is a rational part of him that realizes it was petty and unforgivable to have behaved in that manner towards those so young. Another part however, still only saw James and would always find fault with Harry and thought most of his students were lazy and needed someone with his candor.

''Just fine professor,'' Snape had always called him Potter so it seemed strange after all this time to hear himself called differently.

''And the Weasleys?''

''Their still getting along.''

''I don't have to ask how Miss Granger is. Since I'm moving a continent away maybe now she'll stop sending me those blasted owls. Perhaps you can remind her that she's already matriculated and doesn't need to learn every potion and spell ever invented.''

''I doubt it sir, she's thinking about going to University in Germany now too. She thinks they might have a different perspective.''

''You're probably right Harry she might start sending two owls a day now.''

Severus walks over to a large open box labeled Hogwarts, ''I have this for you.'' He gives him a smaller box containing a few small things of Lily's he'd collected over the years.

''Thank you sir.''

One picture in particular caught Harry's eye, ''Professor who took this picture?''

Severus looked at the muggle picture of himself and Lily when they were ten. ''That wasn't suppose to be in your box.'' He took the picture and pocketed it, then thought some more and then handed back to Harry. ''Your grandmother took it.''

''You knew my grandparents?'' Any tidbit of information about his family was interesting to him even if he didn't care for the source.

''We were children Harry, they were bound to notice a small boy running about in their home.''

''Were they at all like my mother.'' He remembered Snape's memory of them at the train platform and thought they looked nice enough.

''I think your aunt would be the best person to tell you those things.''

''I'm not going to look her up, she was worst than yo-.''

Harry didn't finish what he was about to say and their eyes met briefly while Severus nodded his head.

The knowing nod was all Severus was willing to acknowledge of his former self and he quickly wanted to move on but felt compelled to say more.

''Your Muggle relations are none the less _your_ relations. Don't be so quick to completely dispose of them.'' He then glances at the bedroom where Jennifer was, ''Muggles can be very trying at times but... they are apart of us. Too many wizards seem to forget that.''

''Yes professor'' Harry wondered if Snape was referring to himself or Harry but didn't want to pry.''

''With Professor McGonagall's permission you may take this also.'' Severus took the covering off a portrait. He no longer needed a fathers advice but recognized the continued need in Harry.

''Hello Harry'' the portrait said.

''Professor Dumbledore... but how? you're dead.''

Severus still thought Harry made a poor student and couldn't help but thinking that as a matter of course Harry was always going to be intellectually mediocre.

''It's a twin portrait Harry and now I must be getting back. Phineas Nigellus and I were having a rousing discussion.'' Dumbledore returned to the painting in the headmaster's office.

''He never stays long enough but he's always there if you need someone to talk to or need advice, though I don't recommend speaking to him often. It's not healthy to dwell in the past as you are aware.''

Looking at the young man, ''Harry I just wanted to say...the Auror training is very difficult but you've proven that you are far from the worst student I've produced. You've had extensive practical experience and stood firm against ... personal attacks. You would make a ...reasonably adequate Auror.''

''Uh yes sir''

This small compliment was completely out of character for him and he took this disguised apology for his behavior towards him as proof that Snape was a different man. He never thought he'd be having a friendly conversation with the man he spend the better part of his school years hating.

''You and I are alike in some ways, as you've no doubt recognized by now.''

''Yes sir''

''You also have quite a bit of...''

''My father, I know.''

''I was going to say Lily. ''

''Professor, where you ever going to tell me the truth about what you had been doing the whole time? About my mother?''

Severus took a long time to answer, ''no''

''You'd rather have me believe you were still a Death Eater?''

''I hadn't planned on Albus prematurely dying... therefore it wouldn't have been a need to tell you."

''If it hadn't been for my mother would you have let me die all those times?''

As much as Severus had changed over the past two years he still couldn't bring himself to apologize to Harry and probably never could. Harry's question remained unanswered as Severus straightened his robes. He would not have let the boy die as he was a student and being a teacher he had a responsibility. Of course, he wouldn't have been vigorously protecting him either.

Trying to break the tension. ''Professor are you really going to fly on an airplane all the way to the states?''

''Yes, I'm afraid she didn't like my idea. Too much magic for her.''

Harry offered his hand. '' Good luck then professor, those Americans are really in for it now.''

Shaking his hand goodbye, ''5 points from Gryfindor for your cheek Potter.''

''I'd expect nothing else professor.''

* * *

><p>Epilogue<p>

Three months after their daughter Adora was born, Severus and Jennifer were married in a small ceremony in Virginia.

* * *

><p>AN

Thanks everyone for sticking with me through my bad punctuation and total lack of understanding about how to update chapters on this site. I was truly motivated to continue by all the people who added me to their favorites and alerts. I hope you enjoyed my quest to give my favorite character a happy ending. I came to love the books after seeing Alan Rickman play Snape so well. Even though this is a completed story, I would still love your comments.

:)


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